The More Things Change
by Pasha.D
Summary: A/U: Hours later Callie felt her bestfriend slip away silently into the cold and inexorable night while they were all still trapped midst the wilderness. She held on to him, tighter now; somewhere a slight distance away Kepner was being mauled by the sinister gifts of the wild. In a world where Arizona wasn't in Seattle when the plane crashed. 3yrs & PTSD, can she get Callie back?
1. Old Games and New Names

**One**

**'Old Games and New Names'**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to SR and ABC. I make no profit from these stories and also? No copy right infringement intended. **

**I'm going off for 2-4 weeks hiatus, so thought I'd leave you all with a snippet from my new fic.**

**A/N (i):** Something a little different. I'll be messing around with the canon and chronology a lot, some incidents will have happened, some maybe not, and some will be pushed or pulled in terms of the chronology. I'll forgo the existence of Sophia entirely. I know, I know, I love babies too; I love 'm enough to make you uncomfortable when I joke about stealing them, but for the purpose of the turn of events I'm going for Sophia R-S Torres cannot be in this story.

Thought, sarcasm, Calliesque word jumbles etc. are in _Italics._

Chapters are definitely shorter than **_'Confessions, Concessions and Cures'_**, my other fic. Give it a go if you haven't yet (shameless self-promotion).

Read and Review, pretty please.

**Onward**

* * *

She'd read about the crash. She'd seen it on a television screen, swimming in static in the grimy heat of a dusty dusk, and now she was here.

She saw_ her;_ the brunette sitting at the bar.

That long black hair undulated over her shoulders and back as she flipped it. Those shoulders had moved slowly as she sighed, the shoulder blades peeking out from under the crimson of her top. The woman swiveled a little on the bar-stool as she took a languid sip of some smoky scotch while she ran a thumb over the cold and delicate leather of a jacket that was laid over her lap, hanging off a little to the right.

She watched the brunette intently and drew a breath, readying herself to approach her, but her feet didn't cooperate, 'well maybe not' she thought to herself.

"Oh, sorry…" the slight and meek apology forced her to look away from the brunette at the counter as she felt something shift a little from under her arm.

"What?" she asked with the polite smile of someone lightly buzzed in a bar on a weekend.

"Your elbow" – the redhead pointed out – "it's um… it's on my bag. I… uh… I left it here by mistake and –"

"And… I took your table without looking?" she asked, a sheepish and apologetic grin on her face as she moved her elbow off of the timid looking woman's bag. On closer inspection of the redhead she realised the woman was in a light green scrub shirt. Filing it away for later, she was about to go back to watching the women at the bar when the redheaded intruder spoke again " – it's no bother really…"

She looked back at the redhead, and picking up her glass, casually pointed at a booth off the side behind them" – yeah, I was _just_ walking from my both there and I just stopped here to…" she wandered off into a weird silence, her head turning towards the object of her gaze – "I didn't see your bag… I wasn't going to – "

"-You want to know her name?" the redhead asked, suddenly sounding very friendly, and non-timid like.

That got her attention, she looked away, her head snapping back to face the redhead – "I'm sorry, what?!" She asked with a little incredulity in her voice, 'who offers names to people they don't know!? She could be a serial killer who fancied vigilante justice and that lady in red could be her next victim! Wait… wait… that sounds so familiar…'

She shook her head to rid herself of the sudden and booze induced clutter as she caught the fag end of the redhead repeating her question again – "…her name?"

All thoughts of politely communicating a conversational disinterest were put aside as she spoke to the redhead – "why would I…"

"- because you can't stop looking at her" the redhead cut her off in the middle of her question.

"I could _just_ be looking?" she said, flashing her dimples at the stranger, a playful glint in her eyes – "how do you know I'm interested?"

The answer was prompt and equally playful – "because that's Dr. Torres and –"she paused for effect, quirking an eyebrow, a hint of a smile on her face – "when it comes to Callie Torres? Everyone's interested." She'd said it matter of fact-ly, like it was an old adage. And it was, at least it was old wisdom when it came to their workplace.

She eyed the redhead, a curious look on her face – "are you?" – The redhead met her gaze, looking away from Dr. Torres – "Interested, I mean. Are _you_ interested?"

The redhead blushed – "god no!" she said with a sincere laugh, bringing her hand up for show, wiggling the finger with the wedding band on it – "no, no! I'm married, very happily. Two kids-three if you count the Mister-and a dog-kindda married!"

"Oh. Well thanks…" an awkward pause followed – "for the name…I mean."

"No problem!" she said in a friendly cheer. This woman's changing tone and moods were giving her whiplash. "I'm Carol by the way," she put forward a hand waiting for the woman in front of her to take it.

"Carol, yes…" – she still sounded distracted by the site of this Dr. Torres, but took her hand and gave it a frim shake – "I'm Dr. Robbins. The new – "

" – Oh! You're the new paeds surgeon!" – Carol talked over her. She was perfectly nice, if not just a little annoying.

"Yes… yeah, I'm Arizona – "

"Robbins, yes!"

Another awkward pause settled between the two, Carol not one for silences spoke again – "you should go talk to her." Her tone was surprisingly serious for someone who was pretty giddy just a moment ago.

"I will…" the blonde spoke, sounding uncertain about if she'd in fact do what she's just said she would.

She noticed an empty stool next to Dr. Torres and a glass of amber liquid to go with it. She pointed to the empty seat and asked – "is she waiting for someone to join her?"

Robbins' curiosity and interest made Carol smile – "no, no… it's a Saturday with Marky thing…" – she said with a hint of something dark.

"I'm sorry? What is that?!"

For the first time in this entire exchange Carol looked a little hesitant, reluctant – like she was about to lend money from someone else's wallet – "well… the crash… Dr. Sloan? He didn't… he died, and they were **_close._**" Robbins decided she didn't like the way Carol said that, but she let the woman continue – "Rumour is they had a drink here every Saturday to talk and…she still does it." She gave out a heavy breath and continued – "she buys an extra and she sits there as silent as death and when she finishes she leaves."

Dr. Robbins had gone back to eyeing the enigmatic brunette, this time with a hint of pain in her eyes – "that's it?"

"Yeah. It's… that's it."

Carol stood around nervously; in-adept at judging an exit and taking it. "Well…" she dragged the word on, making them both a little uncomfortable and unsure of what to say next – "it was nice to meet you Dr. Robbins. I'll… maybe we'll work a case together."

"Yeah, yes…" the blonde smiled a benevolent smile dripping of _'GOODBYE!'_ "I…uh… look forward to it."

Carol looked back, pointing at a group of women with her thumb over her shoulders she said – "I'll take your leave. The girls are getting antsy, so…"

"Okay." Arizona nodded her goodbye, _again_. She watched Carol leave. 'Ugh! Finally!"

She went back to watching the brunette, 'now or never right?!' – she thought to herself. Finishing off her drink in a swift jerk, banging the glass on the table, she walked to the brunette at a hurried pace. Reaching her, she put her elbows at the bar, a little ways away from Torres. Taking a deep and self-affirming breath for confidence, she turned towards the woman whose attention she was seeking – she closed the gap between them and put her hand on the bar-stool Torres had reserved for Mark.

Callie Torres noticed someone making a move for Mark's place in her peripheral vision. She spoke in an unwarranted-ly harsh tone without bothering to look at the person standing next to her – "find another or circle back in ten."

"Calliope, it looks empty to me…"

_'That voice'_. The little lilt with which her name was said, like it was something warm and glowing being fished out from the depths of the sea – "Arizona?!" she asked, the utterance of that name she'd worn out on so many occasions, now heavy with surprise and awkward on her tongue from being unused for so long.

When she looked up, Arizona registered the tumultuous succession of emotions in those brown eyes – 'surprise, hope, joy, trepidation, remembrance, sorrow, anger' – they'd settled on anger.

"So?" she asked, eliciting a look of confusion from Callie.

"So what?" the brunette asked, more than just a little terse.

Arizona winced, but soldiered on – "can I sit here?"

Callie smiled some, effusing hope into the blonde's heart, but then the smile turned into something else, slowly moving towards a dreadful impassivity. And, as she slowly moved back to face the bar, she said to the woman who'd once been the her first and last thought and everything in between - "find another, or circle back in ten."

* * *

**A/N (ii):** A timeline (as Abed from Community would say) where Arizona wasn't in the crash, wasn't in Seattle or working at SGMW, and wasn't even with Callie. Intrigued?


	2. An Involuntary Lesson in Sky-Diving: Can

**Two**

**'An Involuntary Lesson in Sky-Diving: Can't Try this at Home'**

******Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to SR and ABC. I make no profit from these stories and also? No copy right infringement intended. **

**A/N (i):** Something a little different. I'll be messing around with the canon and chronology a lot, some incidents will have happened, some maybe not, and some will be pushed or pulled in terms of the chronology. I'll forgo the existence of Sophia entirely. I know, I know, I love babies too; I love 'm enough to make you uncomfortable when I joke about stealing them, but for the purpose of the turn of events I'm going for Sophia R-S Torres cannot be in this story.

Flashbacks in _Italics._

Chapters are definitely shorter than **_'Confessions, Concessions and Cures'_**, my other fic. Give it a go if you haven't yet *(shameless self-promotion).*

**A/N (ii): **Also, apologies for the last chapter, it _was_ a bit muddled because it was all reported in 2nd person, which is why the subjects and objects in the sentences were maybe a bit confusing. I've tried and corrected it the best I could. But, I'll try again to make it clearer.

**Read and Review, pretty please.**

**Side Note: To the Friendly Neighbourhood Psycho - if you're reading this, I'm sorry I can't update ****_CCC_**** where I'm a little stuck right now, and I had said I would update it. But here's a 2****nd**** instalment to ****_TMTC!_**** In your honour. Enjoy!**

**_I'm bad at hiatus-ing..._**

**_Onward_**

* * *

_"Callie?" He'd been going in and out of consciousness, gasping and coughing inchoate nonsense that would end in wondrous and painful confessions. He'd struggled to look in to her eyes this time. She'd been fighting to sleep; it kept the pain at bay. But she couldn't ever ignore the smug bastard in her lap. She couldn't do it on their most ordinary days back home, and __**now?**__ Now that they'd all ended up cold, weak and hopeless in a freaking plane crash of all things?! Now that he was here, every breath sounding like his last, his skin dull and clammy, she couldn't ignore him. Not now. Not him. Never him._

_"Yeah, Mark?"_

_"Could you" he stopped to take a rasping breath – "try to sound more interested?"_

_She smiled a watery smile and strained against the cold and discomfort as she pushed towards complete consciousness – "could__** you**__ not screw around with me too much now? You don't look…" she broke into a sob, but then worked to reel it in, running her uninjured hand through his salt and pepper hair – "…you look like an old hag, Mark!"_

_He gave her a slow smirk coupled with a long exhale - "I feel better…" – something changed in his eyes, he was lying, they both knew it – "I think… Callie, I think…" – tears were slipping down from the sides of his eyes and falling into his hair._

_"Mark" she sobbed, "don't okay?! Just… you just rest and we'll…" her face contorted with sorrow as she desperately fought the urge to breakdown entirely and with complete abandon. She tried to speak again – "we'll get home, you and me. We will! Okay?"_

_He smirked at her – "don't stop me now, yeah?" he'd said it with such quiet and stillness, he looked like he was about to pour whatever was left of him into what he would say to her next._

_She nodded in affirmation. She couldn't deny him this. Not now, but she dreaded what was coming next. Her hand has shifted to his chest where she was rubbing small comforting circles, weary of the wound he had from the hack-job treatment they could give him in the field without any equipment. _

_He moved his hand, placed it on hers and squeezed it just so, as if to say 'I'm still here kid'. _

_"Cal" – he rasped again, smiling through a light cough – "I love you"._

_"I know" – she whispered with a smile. 'She was dying inside. He was disappearing and she was dying inside because now she was about to become truly, truly alone.'_

_"No" it came out in a painful huff – "you don't. I'm not… it's not like that! I love you like, buy a home with you, have a kid with you, grow old with you…" he coughed again. This was taking everything he had, 'he was giving her...them everything he had.' She didn't stop him, he needed to do this; she saw that. She'd heard it in the way he'd called for her, it was all there in the way he'd said her name._

_She shifted uncomfortably, painfully; her face – now hovering over his. He could feel her long, matted hair brush against his temple. "I know." She'd said it quieter this time. There wasn't much else to say. She'd say anything for him right now; do anything for him right now, anything to keep him here. 'With her.' _

_"Cal…" he breathed out again, there was fear in his eyes, he didn't want to die, and he couldn't bear the thought of leaving her. He'd never see her again, her smile, or talk to her, or drink with her, he'd miss her, everything about her. She'd seen him, all of him and she was the only one who'd never asked him to change. _

_"Callie… I wish, this was fifty years from now…" he was fading…"and we were old, and…" drawing breath was painful now, but he had to say it – "and I was this dying old man, telling you a last joke. And that we'd never have to say goodbye."_

_She was looking at him like she saw him for the first time. She'd always known they'd loved each other, he was her family. But this was different. Somewhere in the last three years Mark had changed, he was still Mark, but Lexie had left to be at Maryland and he'd become different. They'd take care of one another, they were friends and some nights they were more, but this was different. His love for Lexie had been big and bold and loud and unrepentant, but with Callie everything it seems had been under the surface, muted. With her, being in the same room was enough, watching her smile or get angry was enough. She was enough even when she wasn't his to keep. Callie was enough. And, now she knew. He'd told her and that had to be enough too, because this was all he'd get. _

_She was sobbing silently at the quiet admission; he saw it in her eyes, she'd made a decision as she leaned in towards him. She stopped to look into his eyes, and as she lay a soft kiss on his lips, wet from her tears and dry from the cold, something akin to life shone in his eyes. She pulled back to look at him, he was still there, barely, but his eyes were intent on looking at her. She saw uncertainty and contentment vie for a place in them, and she whispered – "we are Mark."_

_He looked at her confused and questioning, but she continued maintaining eye contact with him, her words ringing of an insistent earnestness – "we are, okay?" She sobbed – "right here, right now, in this moment we're old and you're fat and my boobs are sagging, and we've had fifty years. And…" 'God she couldn't take it anymore!' "And we've been in love and you can…" She sobbed and choked on her next words, she was dreading having to say them but she saw he needed it – "and you can go now ok? And, I'll see you."_

_"You'll find me?" he's asked it like a child trusting its mother._

_"Yes I will." She promised._

_"Callie", the dying man was smirking at her. She knew that smirk. She smiled wet but wide as she saw his hand flop about blindly at her face. She shook her head as she took hold of it and brought it to her breast and helped him squeeze. They both chuckled and looked at one another again. She slowly slid his hand back beside him; his last words to her were - "one for the road Torres." Mark Sloan, she knew, was never one for long goodbyes. _

_Many hours later Callie felt her best friend slip away silently into the cold and inexorable night, while they were all still trapped amidst the wilderness. She held on to him – tighter now; somewhere a slight distance away Kepner was being mauled by the sinister gifts of the wild. _

_She was too tired to cry, and when the rescue team had found them next morning she was running her hand through a dead man's hair, her eyes closed, and a faint smile playing at her lips, while she was humming a lullaby. _

* * *

Later, when it was all on the cusp of being over and just beginning, all at the same time, they'd decided to see it – that thing that almost killed them. Some of them would never see it. Those that did envied their friends who were allowed to rest, and stop, never having to think of that ugliness again. They lived, and in that they're friendships and relationships were recast in the dirty mud of the forest soil mixed with jet fuel and blood.

Everything was laid out in front of the survivors. Derek, Meredith, Christina, Alex, Callie; they'd decided to see it once, foolishly thinking that seeing it would help them to an epiphany – that ever enchanting possibility of a solution – the 'so we were in a plane and it went down in Boise, and what do we do next?'

It was like someone had taken apart a giant rubix cube.

When they'd won the case, they'd sat silently in the court room. The world outside was mired in a barrage of queries, nosy reporters, loud questions; they'd be put under a microscope for everyone to see till they were no longer that interesting.

They knew…all of them lived in this shared knowledge that – the world had changed on them. It was alien and unfathomable and dangerous and it had left them raw, grating untiringly at their every nerve ending, and that rubix cube? It didn't matter if it was together or apart, it'd always be beyond them. The solutions would always evade them, because there weren't any, and they too would stop questioning this difference, this gap between what was and what is, and that anxiety of what will be. They'd do it hoping there would be peace; that they could rest finally, just stop - blank, emptying out all that tumultuous noise that unsettled their souls with every burdened breath they took.

But with time a paralysing stillness overtook them all, it was something sinister, winning over their silence and clawing away at that unexplained love they had for each-other after the fact of suffering. Some of them couldn't look the others in the eyes for too long; it was a shared and inexplicable shame, and that is when they knew that on that mountain they'd all died a little. Their ashes were scattered to the violent and cold winds, and on some nights that damp ground littered with their blood and their deaths called to them, till it was too much and they could neither breathe nor move anymore.

* * *

**A/N (iii): **This fic is NOT a Callie and Mark fic, you'll see smattering of the two, an indefinable attraction between two very lonely people. They're really close friends who've never bailed on one another; they are permanent fixtures in each other's lives.

Also keep in mind, the Callie I'm writing is an A/U character that has been in the crash. So, this is what I think she's kind of be live – devoid of the kind of joy we're used to seeing when it comes to her; just like Arizona changed in canon.

So please, no grief on those two counts, right? Because it's totally A/U and things work out very differently because of that.


	3. This Little Piggy went Nowhere, At All

**Three**

**'This Little Piggy went Nowhere, At All…'**

**Please Bother to Read the A/Ns, guys. They're important to the story.**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to SR and ABC. I make no profit from these stories and also? No copy right infringement intended. **

**A/N (i):** Something a little different. I'll be messing around with the canon and chronology a lot, some incidents will have happened, some maybe not, and some will be pushed or pulled in terms of the chronology. I'll forgo the existence of Sophia entirely. I know, I know, I love babies too; I love 'm enough to make you uncomfortable when I joke about stealing them, but for the purpose of the turn of events I'm going for Sophia R-S Torres cannot be in this story.

_Flashbacks in Italics._

_Thoughts, sarcastic phrases and Calliesque word jumbles are in single quotes. _

Chapters are definitely shorter than **_'Confessions, Concessions and Cures'_**, my other fic. Give it a go if you haven't yet *(shameless self-promotion).*

_Except for this one, this chapter is looooong! (At least by my standards.)_

**A/N (ii): **I'll grant you the first chapter might be a little confusing, but there was a problem with the reported speech there (I've worked to correct it as best as could, but I'm avoiding a complete re-write). But, as far as the story goes – It'll unfold bit by bit in a random mosaic. The chronology of the A/U events will be clearer with every successive chapter. The point, dear readers, **_is_** to make you feel a little bit of the dizziness that our characters are feeling – life is odd, and so is this fic.

**IN READING THIS HUMBLE FIC, PATIENCE IS KEY.**

**Okay, now that I'm done with the ****_'Reader be warned'_**** part of it - Read and Review, Enjoy!**

**_Onward_**

* * *

_She was pushing the big, burly, scruffy faced man off of her couch, he smelled of brandy, and … 'yeah, that wouldn't do' – "Ugh!" she pushed at his shoulder, from her place behind the couch – "get off dude!"_

_"Aaaaaaarng!" he did one of those punch-the-air-like- you-just-don't-care yawns and geared up to – "Oh no you don't! Get up! You are not falling asleep again, mister! Hey, Mark, come on!" – She circled the couch, now sitting on the coffee table, facing the Dr. Drunk and shaking his shoulder – "You have to go like…" she stopped to check her wrist watch, exasperated with the giant baby – "oh God! __**Now, now!**__"_

_He lazily swung his legs up and over to the ground, popping his neck to the side – "__**Jeez **__Torres, what the hell?!" His voice came out all raspy and sexy-like, she'd give it a thought, but it was from being sloshed – 'not sexy, at all!' - plus, then he belched in her face…_

_"Yeeesh" She whipped her entire body back, retreating from 'the danger zone' - "charming, Mark! Really freaking charming…"_

_He cut her off before she could get into just how charming he was – "what's got you wound up so freaking tight?"_

_Just as he managed to open an eye, he saw a look of incredulous horror mingled with exasperation take over her face. It was cute in an endearing sort of way, she looked like an overgrown teenager about to throw a tantrum, and he was hung-over and it was going to stop being cute in – 3…2... - _

_ "…Have you gone senile!?" 'Jesus! She was shouting! She was shouting and he was hung-over and this was just…' _

_"Woah, woah!" He put his hand up in surrender – "calm down…" She was flustered and he'd known her long enough to see it. She was doing that nervous hyperventilating thing. Seeing her like that made the drunken fog dissipate a little; making room for concern for his friend. He'd decided to finally un-mute her in his head. He scooted forward, gently taking hold of her flying palms of recrimination at the wrists, bringing them down between the tiny space between their knees._

_"Callie" he searched her eyes – "Hey…" he cracked on that word with very little harshness, enough to stop her Spanish rant, too hung-over to remember when exactly she's slipped into it at all. "Cal…" he lightly jerked her wrists around, just enough to shake her into giving him her attention, and locking their gazes. _

_He smiled at her dazed expression, 'she was so young sometimes, so innocent and good, like a good person'. Then his eyes momentarily moved to the supple swell of her breasts, he was suddenly glad that she wasn't all that innocent, and so, so bad sometimes. _

_Callie for her part was still waiting for him to say something. He looked like he was thinking really hard. Something was off, she quirked up her head, brows scrunching up some. _

_"Mark?"_

_"Hmmm?"_

_"Are you?" yes, yes he was… "God!" She pushed his hands off of hers, working really hard to keep a smile from making its way to her lips. She was angry, but 'this __**was**__ Mark, so, it was just… what it was.' He looked up, becoming hyper aware of being caught. He gave her a sheepish smirk and saw a slight blush creep up her chest and colour the top of her ears. _

_"Mark…" she sighed, shaking her head in amused exasperation. _

_" – I know Torres okay? I know but…" he pointed at the objects of contention "they're good boobs!" An unexpected veneration of sorts crept into his voice, making her roll her eyes._

_"Okay…" she smirked, looking down and checking herself out – "yeah they are… but… did you… you know? Listen to anything I said?"_

_"Callie, I hate to break it to you, I'd kind of…" he rolled his hands furiously over each other in the air, searching for the right words, the one's that won't launch her into another loud tirade, 'fat chance!' – "I'd need subtitles!"_

_"Oh. Right… so I…" – her question a was answered before she could even finish asking it – _

_" – yes. Spanish. Lots of it. But…" again he took a hold of her wrists, making sure to look into her eyes. He remained quiet, seeing something brewing them. They were becoming hazy with this heaviness, he could read her because he knew her, and they both knew each other. "Cal?" he slowly rubbed tiny circled on the insides of her wrists with his thumbs, eliciting a loud exhale from her, it was meant to calm her, get her talking… it did._

_"I told you last night" – he cut her off quickly - _

_" – After I showed up a little buzzed – " _

_" – __**don't**__ try to help with the recounting, __**okay?!**__" She gave him the Torres glare. _

_He smiled sheepishly – "um… yeah. Okay. You were saying?"_

_She sighed again…"right, so I told you, the adoption agency got back to me" she'd finished in a whisper._

_"Right..." he huffed it out; just for the fraction of a second he felt the inside of his chest being swallowed by a prickly cold freeze, spreading rapidly to his stomach. But, that radiant, big smile drowned out the chill with the warm-and-gooeyes. The dread and tightness abated, making way for a cautious, small and growing kind of happiness, he'd find it in him to be happy for her. __**'He'd always find it in him to be happy for her.'**_

_"Yeah!" – Something of a happy laugh and sigh escaped from the depths of her soul. It was like the balminess of a silent summer day. When Callie Torres was happy, that feeling, that joy? It saturated the air around her; it was the kind of happiness that infected people around her. It could be a childlike glee or a deep and desperate glow of that effervescent and fluid kind of joy that very few people are capable of feeling. It happened to these people whose souls were cracked wide open, tempestuous, and deceptively simple. To people like Callie, this kind of joy just__** happened**__, and if you were lucky to be standing next to her, it'd rub off on you. Stay there long enough, look at it hard enough like Mark and you'd see it happening, it could change people, that kind of joy and light could change people. It'd changed him. _

_"Yes, they called…" __**'Holy crap, she's crying! She was just laughing, right?! WTF?!'**__ Callie was shaking with silent sobs, her face flooded with tears; she was folding in on herself. The sight prompted him to get down on his knees, between her legs and envelope her in a big warm hug. She moulded herself into him, burrowing her face into the crook of his neck. _

_He could tell she's said something, he's felt her lips move against his skin, but whatever it was – it was muffled and completely unintelligible, and followed by another chain of sobs._

_ "Damn, Callie" – he sighed, gently dislodging the two of them , lightly holding her shoulders, whilst she kept looking at her lap and wiping her face with her sleeves. She was beautiful, runny mascara, smudged kohl and viscous nose stuff notwithstanding, she was still beautiful – "you could… you could try another agency." He'd said it like he was treading shark infested waters. _

_She looked up at him, surprise and confusion on her face – "No, Mark…" – a smile was breaking out on her lips, it was… it was something ethereal, like the Haley's comet of smiles – "you don't get it."_

_"What, Callie?" He asked her, voice full patience and concern as he took hold of her face, both palms on her cheeks._

_More tears escaped her eyes, "they found her…" she whispered the words like she'd been holding them safe in her mouth, she'd said them like they were some prayer only she and her God knew and understood. _

_"You mean…"_

_" – Yeah…" she jumped in, now nodding vigorously, the happy hum of her heart was made palpable in the air around her. It was going to explode with elation – "they got me a kid, __**my kid**__, Mark!"_

_He kept looking at her in silence. She'd changed, she was always changing, always becoming more, more than she was, more than all of them… but this? She was already a mom, and it made her look… something… she looked like she knew more now, saw more than him._

_She was searching his eyes, waiting for a reaction, she saw he was… stunned – "Huh!" she laughed – "It's okay, Mark… I mean, I can't believe it either!"_

_"No, No!" – He stopped her – prompt and quick, before she could manage a spectacular spiral into self-doubt – "that's not what I… I just meant…it was… this is all so sudden!"_

_She was getting a little ticked off now; she looked at him with a curious and nascent anger and incredulity – "you're supposed to be happy for me, you know?"_

_He cut her off quickly, with a wide smile and a shake of her shoulders – "Oh… I totally am!" he enthused… "I was just surprised is all? It's been what? Eight months? You'd led me to believe it'd take longer and…"_

_Sensing that he was in fact happy, if just a little taken aback and a complete dummy about showing it, she decided to excitedly talk over him – "me too! I… yesterday, they sent me a picture, and… I just, I loved her before I saw her, and now I love her even more… I feel like… like someone who's seen the rain for the first time or something, you know?" she finished lamely. She couldn't even come close to actually describe how she felt. It was just… she was going to be a mom! She already kind of was; she felt like a mom._

_"Damn, Torres!" he smiled at her, finally! A big wide, toothy smile that took ten years off his face. "Come on!" he shook all of her playfully, side to side – "hug it out!" _

_"Uff!" she huffed with the overkill of a hug, but she accepted it happily._

_He pulled her back, all that joy and she still looked kind of __**off**__ to him. He knew her; he knew what was going through her head. "Are you sure though?" he'd whispered the question._

_The change in her face and demeanour was instant, a cold rigidity taking over – "__**What**__ do you mean?!" _

_"Hey. Hey!" he looked at her like a supplicant would an avenging God. "The last time you wanted kids, you wanted them with…"_

_"Don't…" she whispered in a short breath, tears in her eyes again, this time for a completely different reason. In that instance where some switch inside her was flipped, he hated himself – "Don't say her name. This has…" she searched for an earnest strength to back up whatever she was going to say next – "this has nothing to do with her. She's gone. She left." She sighed, still confused by the glaring finality of the fact that she'd been left again, and this time by someone who meant the world to her. _

_"It's been two years Mark, and I still miss her, but… this? This isn't about her… this is right!" she insisted… "this is more… this is, it's everything!" She was smiling again._

_"Okay," he conceded. He could see she was still kind of in love with Robbins, but she was more in love with this kid, and they hadn't even met yet. He couldn't piss all over that! _

_"So, tell me about her."_

_"Yeah?" she smiled with exuberance as deep as the ocean. _

_"Mmmhmmm…" he intoned his agreement and interest "are you kidding?! I'm gonna be Uncle Mark! I'll take her to ball games and teach her dirty swear words... – "_

_She cut him off with a loud and content laugh-scoff – "riiiiiight?! Like 'm gonna leave her alone with you!?"_

_"Tell me about her, Callie?" He asked her again, quieter this time; the question packed with some indiscernible emotion. _

_"Her name's Lilliana." She smiled a broad, face splitting smile. _

_"Yeah?"_

_"Yup." She nodded vigorously, excitement taking over her whole person – "and she's 2 and a half years old… and…" she stopped to look at her watch, nervous again – "and you have to leave, because the rep from the agency is coming in the afternoon, and I need to…" she flapped her arms about pointing nonsensically at the entire apartment._

_"Callie…" he huffed shaking his head at his really, really ridiculously nervous best friend, getting up and beginning his short trek to the door – "the place is __**freaking **__clean…"_

_She cut him off mid thought, growing irritated with him – "and it smells like my drunk – "_

_Turning back, he quipped " – you mean hung-over…"_

_"No, no…" she shook her head "- I mean __**drunk **__best friend."_

_They'd stopped, silent; the weight of what was happening suddenly upon them. _

_"Torres…" he broke the silence, a rare and beautiful smile taking over his face; it was as if it was hitting the both of them all over again – "you're going to be a mom."_

_"Yeah…" she's hushed quietly, beaming at him._

_"It's amazing… You're amazing! You'll be the best mom…" he'd said it with a reverence that'd surprised her. It sounded like a confession of sorts, and it made the air shift between them in this odd sort of way, making her feel a little out of place. _

_"Yeah, yeah…" she tried to act casual about it – "now, be gone with you!"_

_Mark took his cue from her, sensing her uncertainty about whatever it was he'd given away._

_"Right! Bye then!" he said it in that innate Mark-off-the-cuff sort of way, as he turned to leave again. She followed behind him to walk him out, when he suddenly turned around. _

_He had this glint in his eyes that bespoke his happiness for her; it kind of melted her heart and made her overlook the weirdness that he kept bringing between them of late. _

_"I just… everything is working out for you Torres. The kid and… and we're flying out tomorrow to do this awesome, freaking rare surgery!" he sounded like a kid on Christmas morning. "And, you have me to have…" he saw Mrs. Jenkins walk by outside, and leaned in towards Callie and whispered the rest conspiratorially… "sex with whenever you want!"_

_'Jesus!' she shoved him playfully, pushing him out of the door and her apartment, rolling her eyes at him. She watched him walk to his door and called back to him – "Mark?"_

_"Yeah, Torres?" he asked turning back to look at her, a little taken aback with the emotion with which she'd said his name. _

_"I just… Thanks, okay?"_

**_'This woman…'_**_ "No problem, Torres!" he'd thrown it back over his shoulders, giving her a backward wave whilst walking in to his apartment._

_She watched him leave with a big nervous smile on her face. 'This was happening and she'd give it her everything!' She thought to herself as she began closing the door._

_This was happening, and she'd be happy and she'd finally have everything. In that instance of untold happiness she'd brought her hand up to her necklace… 'almost everything'._

* * *

Days after they'd been rescued, Callie Torres had woken up to see her father in a chair beside her. He looked small, stunted and tired. Defeat and worry marred his wearing and weathering features. She'd looked at him and felt oddly happy; happy that he was miserable, that he was tired, that he was here. It was an absurd way to feel about her father.

A few days after that she'd said her first words since the crash to her friend, Miranda Bailey. She'd asked for a phone and a number, and she'd look terribly vacant and resolute whilst dialling it.

When Gloria had picked up the phone at the agency, she'd said but very little – only just enough to tell her that **she** was not a mother. That she was just a victim today, and she would be that for a very long time.

She was broken, and hollow and unfeeling, and she had nothing left to give.

* * *

**A/N (iii): **This fic is NOT a Callie and Mark fic, you'll see smatterings of the two; an indefinable attraction between two very lonely people. They're really close friends who've never bailed on one another; they are permanent fixtures in each other's lives.

Also keep in mind, the Callie I'm writing is an A/U character that has been in the crash. So, this is what I think she's kind of be live – devoid of the kind of joy we're used to seeing when it comes to her; just like Arizona changed in canon.

So please, no grief on those two counts, right? Because it's totally A/U and things work out very differently because of that.

**Writing this monumentally bummed me out! **


	4. The Not So Secret Ballot

**Four**

**'The Not So Secret Ballot'**

**Disclaimer – All recognizable characters belong to SR & ABC. This is just fun, I make no profit.**

**A/N –** Guys if you don't like the fic, please stop reading it. It may be trash even; I've read trash too but you really can't hope to police every single thing that gets you riled-up! Just relax and close the window. See? Simple, like I relax and delete your reviews... Win-Win!

**To the rest of you -** hope you enjoy this installment. I'm finally writing one without a flashback. _I know_! A reviewer said that it was okay, but the plot needed a kick in the rump. So here it is – the kick in the rump! Well sort of… it's a soft kick.

**Read and Review.**

**Onward**

* * *

"Are you being serious right now Torres?!"

"As serious as a heart attack, Miranda!" She looked at her _friend_, 'once friend's more like it!' Her eyes shining with resolute anger, liquid rage settling into every loud word she uttered.

"Hey! Hey! Don't you give me any crap! I did what I had to - "

Callie came charging at the shorter woman; towering and feral - "No! No you didn't! You did this to... to..." whatever it was she was going to say, it died on her lips. There were still some lines she didn't cross. There were things that had changed about Callie, things that had changed about all of them. But, Callie Torres' was still a soul that burned with reckless passion. A time, not too long ago, although it felt abjectly like another life to most of them, her passion and ferocity was light and uplifting. It pulled smiles out of thin air like magic. But right now? It was that thing that had turned in on itself, dangerously putrefying and festering more and more like an old wound; the more it was stirred, the more it bled and made itself know. But, Bailey had taken it, the brunt of it and Callie saw that, _she did_. And, in the days that had followed the crash, Callie had found that Miranda was now perhaps the only friend she could bring herself to trust, to look at without feeling her heart twist and tighten till breathing became a chore. This woman, however she'd handled Callie – with tough love, with compassion, with anger – she was here, and that was more than anyone had given her in a long, long time.

" - What?! What?! Tell me Torres, what were you gonna say? Huh?!" The dynamo waited for her reply, but was met with a resounding silence. She huffed, exasperated with her friend. Bailey took her by the hand and led her to the generic couch in the Doctor's lounge.

They sat next to one another in a stretched but easy quiet. That's what her life consisted of now, an ever present and silent void. The only movement that agitated her mind and punished her into living, not merely existing came from her work – her cutting edge research and the surgeries. This preferred and now somewhat cultivated numbness came went hand in hand with a relentless and almost mechanized passion for those things that held up all of humanity – blood, veins, tissue, cartilage, muscle and bone. She knew them intimately, now more so than ever before – the artist and the scientist were married _in_ her. And, all the while her anger and her misfortune had been the catalysts for this new amalgam she'd become – full and empty at the same time.

Bailey could see her; Callie was now small and locked up inside herself. And, she knew what she'd done, maybe she _had_ betrayed her trust, but this was the most she'd seen Callie be herself, be loud and fervent, about something, _care_ about something that wasn't in need of an OR, or a research lab.

"Callie?" she ventured to break the quiet – "You weren't here. You gave me your vote – "

"I didn't – "

"Aan aan!" the General Surgeon gave the woman her sternest _'Chief Bailey look' _and wagged a finger at her for good measure. Swimming in the dense miasma of perpetual anger that just never left her, Callie felt the touch of something else; she felt a touch of amusement. _'Yes, that's what this is.'_

_"I'm _talking now Torres! You can talk _calmly_ when I'm done making my case."

She felt herself spent in silences, losing what was left herself to the quiet. It was like she was scattered like sound, but the echoes never came back to make her whole again. Always – the silence. It wouldn't kill her to say it, nod it, something! – "Okay…" she gave her a look as if to say 'continue'.

Surprised and somewhat pleased with herself the Chief did just that – "Karev put in his papers…"

" – Are you going to say stuff I know already because then…" Callie stood up, in a berserk fashion, the need to exit this conversation and the company slowly overwhelming her.

"Sit your ass back down, Torres!" 'the woman was a freaking noise amplifier!'

"I… I… damn it!" she threw herself back into the couch, cringing at the slight pull she felt at her shoulder, another reminder of how things had changed. "I know about Alex, alright?! But, are you telling me that there were no other qualified candidates? You _had_ _to_ bring _her_ in?" She'd whispered it like the blonde in question would show up at being made mention of.

"There were other qualified candidates…" Bailey was looking at her with seriousness and an almost silent challenge in her eyes.

"How is that… what you… then why did you? Why Arizona?" her voice cracked on the question. They were both stunned at the depth and echo of pain that had taken hold of her voice and her words.

"She's coming off of an award winning stint in Africa, Callie! Her research and surgical ingenuity with Short Gut Syndrome has moved farther than any other we've ever come across! Yeah, there were other qualified candidates, but she's brilliant!"

"I know all this, but…" whatever slight hesitation and reservation had held her back was now fast disappearing – "I gave you my vote! I… I gave you my vote! You should've…"

The chief put up a stern hand effectively shutting the Orthopod up - "Wait, wait, wait! Hold up just a second!" Bailey was livid, _'this woman was infuriating!_' "I'm the chief! I get the final say in hiring people" she was looking at Callie pointedly now, the next part meant for her – "and firing them!"

"Then go ahead, fire me the fuck away!"

"You want _easy_, Callie?" everyone in the corridors could hear them now, a small but visible crowd gathered at the nurse's station just opposite the door to the lounge – Torres was beginning to look oddly hopeful – "well too bad! You don't get easy! _This_ is what you get, and you _will _learn to be happy about it!"

Callie imperceptibly deflated, still trying desperately to hold on to the bravado – "Yeah?!" – she shot up off of the couch as if to issue a challenge, eyes red with tears of frustration – "what about my vote then?! You didn't think to…"

" – _You_ delegated it, like you always do!" – an accusation.

"Bailey…" her voice broke in a plea, this entire conversation was a rigmarole that was draining her of every pent up emotion, and those that knew her would see her fighting to dive back into the now elusive safety of that numb void she'd so comfortably inhabited. _It was breaking, she was breaking. _"You should have asked me… _this_ you should have asked me about, I'm your…" she hesitated, she didn't know why she felt embarrassed saying it… "I'm your friend. And this was… you lied to me!" The anger was back again.

"Yes you are." Bailey said it with a stillness and steadfastness that rang of undeniable and absolute truthfulness. "But, you were at MedCom for three weeks for some secret government medical _stuff_, and then you came back and hid in your garage, tinkering on the next transformer or whatev –"

The Orthopod looked at her with crazed, angry eyes – "_Her_ name is Gunner! And she's a 1968 Chevrolet Camaro, and she's beautiful!"

"Yeah I bet she is! All that money and _this_ is what you put it towards? And that's why you decided to miss the board meeting_! A car?!_" Bailey's expression softened into something that resembled pity, in that moment Callie had never hated anyone more.

"The last time someone didn't care enough to look at the boring stuff, your plane fell out of the…"

"_That is enough!_ You don't get to use the crash for _anything!_ In an argument… or anything! You weren't there, and you don't know! And you…" the flames were dying down now and the workings of her own heart and mind were making Callie dizzy – "you're lucky! You get to… you get to live without it, and I…" her voice died into a thick and dull silence.

Bailey was beginning to feel the pinch of remorse – "Callie… I…"

She was cut off for fear to having to prolong this _'discussion'_ – "its fine. I'm fine…" she scoffed, wiping at her eyes, angry at herself for crying at all – "_I'm always fine_" – she whispered.

"I didn't… I didn't do this to upset you, or set out to hurt you… Callie, it's been three years!"

"I said I'm fine Bailey, now do you have something else like a case to discuss? Otherwise, I'm going to …" she lamely pointed towards the door, and started walking towards it without even the pretence of waiting for an answer.

Bailey's voice stopped her dead at the door – "we're trying to help you Callie, you don't see it, but, we are…"

_"We?!"_ Bailey cringed at the loud ferocity with which the realization had struck the other surgeon. 'So close, Miranda! She'd almost left!'

"What? So you all sat around finding ways to… what? Fix me?!" she asked incensed.

_"NO!"_ Bailey raised her voice to match her friend's – "we were just – "

" – Save it, Miranda! Whatever you thought the answer is? This wasn't it! And the only thing you did today was make me feel more alone, so thanks!" And with that vote of confidence Callie straightened up to her full height, smoothed the wrinkles in her Doctor's coat with her indiscernibly trembling and open palms; she gave the other woman a nod and walked away with a practiced air of nonchalance that only the broken hearted could master with such perfection.

* * *

Outside, the crowd scattered at warp speed whilst Arizona stood hidden; privy to every detail of the exchange from her vantage point. What she'd heard left her nervous and lugubrious and oddly satisfied. She could see them, tiny glimpses of the once animated and fiery woman she was still so remorselessly in love with – Callie had been drowning in the quiet and an anger born of grief that everyone told her was untenable. Arizona saw her repeatedly trying to justify to everyone who she was now, and it was gut-wrenching to watch.

Watching this cold impassive woman walk away from the people who cared for her – this woman who looked so very familiar and felt so very distant – Arizona was transported to the day she'd found out about the rescue. She'd been on her sat-com phone continuously talking with Webber, Bailey, a friend at the search and rescue who desperately tried to get her some scraps of information, anything really to help settle her mind. It was on the morning of the fourth day of their disappearance that she was told by a colleague that there was a Dr. Hunt calling her from Seattle. She'd taken the phone with a shaking hand, nervous and sweating, her mouth dry and her hand resting at the hollow of her throat searching for a pendant she'd long since discarded. The words flooded her with an inexplicable and indiscernible serenity. He had said – "she's alive."

On that day, everything else ceased to matter. Right at that moment in Seattle, a woman fought through the fog of death and pain and grime and humiliation; a few hundred trees, cold winds and some rain had reduced them all to begging for their next breath. But, the woman had lived – painfully and perhaps even unwittingly – but, she had lived. And, she had done it without knowing why or who for, but in living she'd changed both their lives. Callie just didn't know it yet.

* * *

**A/N:** Guys, I definitely need a beta now. Please PM me if you're interested.


	5. The Heart has a Mind of its Own

**Five**

**'The Heart has a Mind of its Own'**

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters belong to ABC and SR. No profit made, no copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** An un-characteristically long chapter. Hope you enjoy it.

**A pre-emptive thanks to ****_Darkwlight7 _**who has agreed to Beta read for me! So, the next chapter onward this fic will be will be Beta'd.

**Read and Review, people! **

**Onward**

* * *

All the roads that linked her to her old self seemed to be tied up in the physical somehow. Five days a week she still ran in the mornings, it was something she'd done with Mark for over a year, before the crash.

After the crash, the rescue, and the subsequent recovery, Callie had gotten up one day feeling hot and ragged, and restless. This was one of those first times that the numbness had given way to an explosion of anger and she had scared herself. She wanted to shout for no apparent reason, but her voice was choked and locked away in her chest, tight and fighting fruitlessly to escape. She felt tears sting her eyes but she couldn't bring herself to cry. Picking up and throwing things had seemed silly and juvenile and just – _expensive_. She ached all over, but it wasn't a physical pain.

All of her felt like a giant onanism, just tense and coiled, and incomplete. She needed to run from it, whatever it was she was feeling; she needed to run from it. It was going to kill her every day and no one would know she was dying, fighting… disappearing.

So, that day she dug out her running gear from the clutter of her new house, blindly but deliberately putting it on, and she ran for hours. She ran till her shoulder began to feel like it was made of lead and her body was over taken by a numbing and pulsing fire that burned in her every strained muscle. The next day, she did the same, and the day after, till it became a ritual – till it became a way of life – running from the pain and the anger _every day_… waking up the next and doing it all over again. She was Sisyphus with great taste in shoes.

She still liked to cook. It was one of the few things that counteracted that visceral feeling of being gutted over and over again on the days that a slow burn grew into a boiling rage behind her eyes, invading her mind and her senses till nothing meant anything at all. And so she cooked, because it made her think of smaller things – smells, tastes, colours, textures – when she cooked it somehow stunted the threats of the world around her and the world inside her; there was a slight and soothing burst of perception, a mindless and small bubble of happiness. It gave her peace.

And that's what brought her to this. Staring at a lunch box like someone in the second grade, looking at day old Ziti and stale-ish_(?)_ cafeteria salad. She loved cooking, but she had totally forgotten that she would also have to eat it or throw it away, and she couldn't throw it away because – '_how bratty would that be?!'_

"What's that?"

Callie looked up, plastic fork poised in disinterest, she cracked a slight smile – "it's Ziti."

"Hmmm…" Yang looked back at her tray of cafeteria crap with a look of utter disgust, wrinkling her nose at it and she sat down at Callie's table with very, _very _little grace.

"What do you have there, Yang?"

Arizona watched from a table across the room, her head cocked to the side, a look of intense confusion and curiosity on her face – "hey? Bailey?"

"Mwaf?" – came the garbled question. Arizona ignored the gross want for table manners from the mother of six year old boy. This was the life of surgeon, especially the chief of surgery, if you didn't scarf down your lunch, you skipped it.

The blonde casually pointed at her ex's table with a bottle of pop in her hand, hiding the tiny gesture from all the eyes that seemed to follow her every minute move. She took a gulp and sighed with satisfaction whilst Bailey turned around to check out what the heck Robbins was talking about.

The soda was divine, her attention was stuck on how it popped and fizzed in her mouth, and Malawi didn't have this flavour. She looked down to follow the General surgeon's intense gaze – "Jeez, Miranda!" – Robbins slapped her on the arm – "don't be _so_ freaking obvious about it!" she whispered whilst scooting down.

On the other side of the Cafeteria, Yang felt like she was being watched. She looked back to check, the move caught Callie's attention as she shifted to the side to follow Yang's Gaze.

"Crap!" sighed the blonde, ducking down to hide herself from the women at the table across the hall – "Baileeey! Hey" she whispered – "come on! Turn back!" – she yanked at the new chief's elbow.

Bailey turned back, a look of annoyance on her face – "Robbins, you so much as blow on me agai – "

"_Ewww!_ Miranda come on!"

_"Oh dear God, Woman! You know what I meant!"_ the chief replied, her skin a flustered red as her neck got a little hot. Robbins and Torres had a Ph.D. in embarrassing the general surgeon, and whilst Torres was more than a little rusty from the trauma, the blonde got back into the rhythm of it pretty quickly.

"Right… yes, I just like yanking your – "the blonde gave her a devilish grin.

Bailey started talking over the woman, her hand quickly sealing her ears "Oh Jeez, _stop!_ Why does everything you say sound dirty?!"

" – chain!" She stopped to relish the scene before her – the Chief reduced to using the weapons usually in the arsenal of a five year old.

"Oh come on!" she rolled her eyes at the Chief. Bailey didn't really get what the blonde was saying, but from the looks of it, the glee had been dialed down, it was safe again.

She gave Robbins a terse look – "you still wanna know, or you going to keep talking about Africa?!"

"I didn't say a word about Africa!" the blonde exclaimed indignantly.

"Not _that_ Africa!"

She got a look from the blonde that said _'well, how many are there?' _She gave a heavy exhale, 'this was getting them nowhere!'

"That is just _them _and their litany-lunch or whatever…"

"That… I don't know what… what does that even mean?" Robbins fumbled, her hand flailing in the air as if trying to stir the right words to the surface.

The Chief sighed, for the longest time the crash was all that was talked about, but Miranda Bailey was one of those few people who did everything but discuss the crash with other people. Callie and the board were different, _them_ she was kind of taking care of, as much as they'd let her, but talking outside of that circle felt like she was betraying their trust.

"Arizona…" – it wasn't said with exasperation but sympathy, something that was scarcely afforded to the Paeds surgeon since she'd made her return. Bailey's tone stirred up something inside her, she could see the Chief's reluctance, and she understood it, but _'too bad!' _

"Bailey, please." She searched the other woman's eyes. "You know she won't tell me – "

"That's her business!" the Chief looked on with incredulity. If Arizona thought for a moment that Bailey was going to somehow help her bridge a gap or _court_ the Orthopaedic surgeon, she was sorely mistaken. _'Miranda Bailey does not meddle!' _

_"Oh please!"_ Robbins quipped – "let's not even pretend that you didn't hire me because of this… this _thing!_ Because of _her! _And, I came willingly! No one forced me, because I want to be here and…" she hesitated, saying this much whilst being seated in the cafeteria was risqué enough for her – "Bailey just tell me" – she could see it, Arizona was begging with an earnestness that exposed _so_ much of her. Bailey couldn't say no to love like that.

"Since the crash, they've been more…I don't know… they make sure no one else gets _in._ No one talks to Yang because she's scary like that."

The blonde nodded as if to say '_that's understandable'_.

"Callie is…" she paused, her face screwed up, searching for the right word – "aloof? No… no… more than that, she makes everything around her… I don't know…" she gave up. "But, every other day or so Torres packs a lunch, Yang buys one and they talk about the food and surgery."

"So that's it?"

"Umhmm…" the chief mumbled.

Across the room Yang finished inhaling the Ziti, they'd _'shared'_, which basically meant Callie barely touched it while she fiddled with her Salad and Yang shamelessly ate the whole thing.

"You know Callie?"

"Hmmm?" Torres looked up from her salad.

"They're talking about us."

"I know. Everyone talks about us Christina." She said in a matter of fact tone, going back to fiddling with her lunch.

"Hey?" – the unexpected concern in Yang's voice prompted Torres to look up at her.

Callie's eyes were wide; she'd recognized that tone and learnt to associate it with the times when people told her things she wasn't ready to pay an ear to.

"_She_ is talking about you, you know that right?"

"I know." It was meant to be neutral, but Christina recognized a hint of forced stoicism.

"And that doesn't bother you?" The question was met with silence. It would seem Torres didn't want to play.

There was this interminable pause, that perplexing pocket of silence that ran both finite and infinite, it was a kind of forced contemplation that Callie resented people for bringing about – "No. Most of the times, it doesn't."_ There_, she'd said it.

She kept looking at Yang, everything she so carefully constructed, _they_ carefully constructed – was falling by the wayside. Something had shifted between them, the easy and unencumbered but light companionship, _friendship even _was again being burdened by a change. Theirs was a friendship fast gaining a burgeoning depth that embarrassed them both.

"Okay then."

"Hey guys!" – A bright warm voice crackling with liquid sunshine startled the two women. Yang jumped in the air, the empty box in her hand clattered with a loud staccato.

She turned around, a hand on her heart – "Jesus, Robbins! Didn't you mother teach you not to startle plane crash victims?!"

"Ugh!" Callie whined; leave it to Yang to just run towards the fire! _"Christina!"_

"What, Callie?"

"Nothing…it's nothing" she flustered uncomfortably.

"So…" the blonde said, taking a seat uninvited. She had learnt from their night at the bar not to expect or depend on Callie's kindness or compassion. All that was buried somewhere, disintegrating, and _she_ had to find it before it was completely lost, and Callie was completely changed.

Callie for whatever reason broke her previous resolve to completely ignore her ex, she repeatedly told herself it was professionalism, which was for the good of the hospital.

"Dr. Robbins" she acknowledge with a sharp nod as she started getting up and gathered her things.

The look of confusion gave way to one of understanding as Arizona realized that _that _was all Callie was offering her, '_well shit!'_ She got up to follow the brunette, while Yang mumbled – "yeah, that'll end well!"

Callie was navigating the corridors, distinctly aware of her ex following her.

"Hey, Cal "– she makes a quick recovery – "I… I mean Dr. Torres, wait up?"

It's loud enough for the people around them to hear it and Callie stops, if just to avoid creating a scene for the very, very interested onlookers. She employs a clipped and biting politeness whilst she turns around to face the other woman, her tone sends shivers down Arizona's spine – "yes, Dr. Robbins? Could you maybe hurry up? I have a consult."

"Right…" the blonde hedges – "consult's for my patient actually."

"Oh." _'Well, shit!'_

* * *

Working together had been… _pleasant_. But Callie couldn't get out of there fast enough, and Arizona never seemed to let up on the chase. She'd learnt pretty quickly that the brunette's need to maintain a steadfast professionalism (so unlike the woman she'd known and fallen in love with) was the one thing she could use to her advantage. Shouting for her in the corridors did _get_ Calliope to stop, even when she could see a vein she'd never seen before jump on the woman's forehead.

It was sneaky and it was juvenile, but the blonde was willing to do anything; she was ready to coddle, coax, punish or force the salvageable parts of her ex out from the deep recesses of this mangled and changed soul. For that much she knew, Callie would never be the same; she could see it clear as day. Callie _was_ someone else now, but she was still just Callie. The things that made her so had turned and twisted upon themselves, but it was now Arizona's job to prove to her that she was still worth the risk, that this _changed Callie_, _new Callie _or whatever… deserved love and devotion too. She had let the old Callie down, but she was determined to make this right, make _them _right. This brought her again to a two legged high speed chase, at a fast paced walk that didn't look too suspicious to the hospital staff.

"Hey! Doctor Torres?! Wait up!"

Callie hesitantly stopped in her tracks. She sighed inaudibly, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. She could _feel_ the blonde closing in on her from behind. A few years ago when they were in love, when they were happy – it had been a running joke between them and their friends – the fact that they had some sort of internal sonar system thing or homing beacon built in for one another. Arizona had been kind of sweet and mushy about it, displaying proud affection and Callie played it cool, very, very unsuccessfully. She'd soon learnt that giddy and badass didn't go together. _Well, she wasn't giddy now!_

Drawing in a supposedly calming and centering breath, the brunette pivoted on her heels, turning to face Arizona.

"Yes, Doctor Robbins?" She sighed tiredly. This whole thing was just draining as far as she was concerned. She'd found that she could only bring herself to _feel_ so much in a day and then parts of her just started shutting down of their own accord. Laying eyes on the blonde, she realized her Ex was looking_, 'what was that?!'_

She raised an eyebrow as if to say – 'well go on'. She quickly recognized the expression from a mental ledger on all things Arizona as 'comic confusion', Arizona had called out to her, not expecting an answer, _'great! Robbins was now seeking her out to __**manufacture **__awkwardness_'; the vast amount that floated between them – charged, thick and almost palpable and so obvious to everyone around them – didn't seem to be enough.

"Ummm… I…" _'Awesome! This is awesome!'_ thought the blonde. Callie was standing right in front of her, their face just inches away from each other. Arizona could smell the brunette's shampoo and all rational thought about co-doctoring or putting in a plea for conversation burned away, effervescing from her throat and mind, leaving her with a dry and sandy tongue and complete mental malfunction.

Again, the Torres look of exasperated and pointed consternation reigned supreme, armed with that arched eyebrow that silently asked – _'how stupid are you?'_

_'Very'_ thought the blonde. She'd called out to Callie without much of a game plan and now it was all going to hell in a hand basket.

"Right, well as enlightening as this has been", Callie's voice was full of a terseness used to reprimand naughty kids, it made the blonde woman flinch and fall more in love, all at the same time – "I think I should… why are you smiling at me like that?" She was looking at Arizona like the blonde was a crazy person.

Callie looked completely offended and aghast, like a smile from her was an attempt at chemical warfare or something. The blonde stiffened at that feeling of being so… _'Unwanted?'_ – No, that wasn't it, it was a deep suspicion and distrust that she'd allowed to take hold and grow for a little over three years.

"I'm not smiling…" said Arizona – '_God! There is something deeply, deeply wrong with me' – "_my face is… it's… doing a thing" – she brilliantly explained with a vigorous head nod.

The brunette looked perplexed and infuriated, armed with about a thousand questions, she was cut off just as she was about to launch them at the paeds surgeon.

"We need to… we should talk, Callie…" – there, she'd done _that _thing. She'd done that thing where she'd said her name in a low disquietude that had always pulled at something in Callie's chest. For someone who felt so damned empty sometimes, she was suddenly feeling overwhelmingly full of '_stuff_'.

"We did." Callie stated with a growing and practiced dispassion. "The case as I see it…" she gave an open palmed, upward wave towards their patient's room…"has been discussed. We worked out our strategy, what else _is_ there?"

"Everything!" the blonde had said it like a silent plea. "Everything, Calliope… I – "

" – Don't, I… we _work _here!" she whispered. "We work here, and I will not discuss this here, in fact I will not – "

" – then let's discuss it someplace else!" Arizona matched her tone for tone, whisper for whisper.

"There is _nothing_ to discuss! I just told you there isn't, didn't – "

She was quickly cut off by the suddenly seething blonde; Arizona looked like she was some animal trying to protect her young. In truth she was fighting for them, the life they should have… _could _still built together – "I am not going to let up on this."

Callie saw the determination in the azure eyes, she huffed a long exhale, defeat and something akin to worry taking over her features – "fine one conversation – "

"Nope" – the blonde cut her off – "as many conversations as **it **takes." She had said it with a calmness that unsettled something in the brunette; it was making all kinds of things move and shift in her.

A little worried about the nature of the_ 'it' _the blonde mentioned, Callie pulled her aside, roughly guiding her to the stairwell – "_what_ do you mean?! You can't force me into… I'll… I'll get a restraining order!"

"Huh!" Arizona scoffed, masking the hurt really well. "On what grounds?! And aren't you going to look like even more of a joke…"

Callie stepped back like she's been slapped, keeping her eyes on the ground and breathing in a sharp and short breath. A long silence went by till she felt something damp and unfamiliar on her cheek; a momentary fog took over her mind.

Arizona saw Callie's hand travel to her cheek and wipe off a tear. The brunette looked at it with a weird sort of curiosity – like she was about to make a slide of it and study in under a microscope. Callie was crying, and in that moment she looked like a stranger to Arizona. And just the fact of the strangeness of it all broke her heart.

"Callie…" – Arizona moved forward and put her hand on Callie's cheek – "I didn't mean it… I… I'm sorry." She searched her face and managed to catch the surprise in the brunette's eyes.

Callie felt a jolt of emotion; she hadn't been touched like that in so long. She felt a sense of self-flagellation well up inside her; humiliated by the warmth Arizona's touch had sent coursing throughout her being. She shifted back, extracting herself from her Ex's touch – "don't, Arizona… Okay? _Please don't._" It was soft and stern and full of emotion, not something the blonde expected; it tore at Arizona's insides and made her heart speed up all at the same – it was so much more than _nothing_, Callie was hiding it really well save for these moments where her fortitude slipped.

"Okay..." she whispered softly, putting her palms up and away from Callie's person in a gesture of surrender.

Callie looked up at her again. She looked just so confused and so, so sad – "I…" – she stopped to wipe at her cheek again_, 'God! It'd started without any warning and now all this crying business wouldn't stop!'_ - "I'm not… I'm different now" – she finished lamely, hoping that it would be enough of an explanation.

"I_ know._"

"No…" the brunette sighed – "you don't… you can't kno – "

" – I _want to_ though. Just… _just_ tell me!" _'Tell me anything, recite the periodic table; just talk to me!'_

"Not now."

"When, then?" Arizona could see that she was pushing the woman's buttons, all the ones that were red and said 'do not push'.

"Not. Today!" – Clear, crisp, angry, loud. It has surprised them both, Callie most of all. She began to back pedal, uncomfortable with the depth of her own feelings and the genuine intensity of her subsequent reactions – "I… don't… I can't today… it's too much" – it was a whispered confession that cut the blonde to the bone. She was causing Callie immense pain, she could see it, but even though it was unavoidable, she hated it.

"Alright, I'll give you space… you deserve to… I don't want you to hurt like this. But, I'm not going to just stop. So, you have to tell me, when should we – "

The sound of the door to the stairwell bursting open surprised her into halting abruptly mid-sentence. A waddling and pregnant-bellied Meredith Grey entered huffing with frustration.

Callie brushed past Arizona who caught the flash of genuine concern on her face. She stood in front of Meredith, a comforting hand stroking her arm – "hey, are you okay?" – She asked in a low and worried hush.

Meredith looked momentarily confused, her face twisted in slight irritation and surprise – "yeah, yes. It's just, Derek keeps following me around with bottled water and he has Mousy tailing me with fruit in her pockets!" She flailed her arms around, exasperated and wobbling a little while she was at it. Callie quickly steadied the woman whilst Meredith breathed an embarrassed – "ummm… thanks."

Arizona watched the exchange with a growing curiosity. Sure Callie had always been compassionate, sometimes even annoyingly involved and helpful, but she didn't remember her and Grey being this _close._

Callie smiled a rare and genuine smiled – "yeah well…" – she pointed at Meredith's belly – "babies make daddies crazy. And a daddy who's a doctor is the worst kind of crazy!"

"Fetus!" Grey huffed an exasperated huff.

"What?" Callie asked, momentarily puzzled.

"Callie, I told you, we are calling it Fetus."

"Right, yes" Callie looked at her with mock incredulity, smirking and starting for the door – "whatever floats your boat Grey" – she threw it over her shoulders as a goodbye of sorts.

Meredith looked back at the blonde surgeon – "Robbins?"

"Hmmmm?" she shifted her eyes to the Grey.

"Was Torres crying?" – The question wasn't angry, she just sounded…_'surprised'_.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Arizona gave her a sly and shamelessly proud smirk as she began walking past Grey – "because I kind of jump started the Tin man's heart…"

Meredith Grey stayed back, hiding from her husband and her intern; she had but one thing to say – 'lesbians…'

* * *

**A/N:** Good News, Good People. This story is completely mapped out. The skeleton is ready. So, it should be smooth sailing from here on out. This chapter feels a little choppy, all the shifting b/w two different conversation without wanting to put line divisions I think got to me.

Arizona on a post Malawi, post crash, Sophia-less mission to win Callie back. It's so weird to write...


	6. Laura and Carlotta

**Six**

**'Laura and Carlotta'**

**_Unbidden Change_**

_The poet sat in a corner, still_

_Watching from the window sill_

_An empty heart lay somewhere nigh_

_She'd crushed the wings of a butterfly._

**- Pasha D.**

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters belong to SR & ABC. I make no profit, and also – no copyright infringement intended.

**Beta:**_ Darkwlight7_

**A/N: **My best friend's leaving the country, for a while, like a year and she _will _be back. But, I'm going to miss her kid more than I will her! Sorry Dee! And, I'm really, completely, entirely saddened by the fact that I'm home and down for a count with a heat stroke. So, there! Anyway, do me a favour and hug your kids extra hard. I know it's stupid, but I am so going to miss that kid!

Moving on! Here's the next instalment. Things progress, very, very slowly, but will you believe that the penultimate and the final chapter are already being Beta'd by the very generous **Darkwlight7**?

In fact, there are two different endings; the second is in the works. But I'm wondering if I should post the alternate ending at all? I think, maybe. Not entirely sure.

Again – thoughts, sarcasm and Calliesque word jumbles in single quotes.

**Read, Review and Enjoy! **

**Onward**

* * *

"So? What's up with you two?" The dirty blonde on the screen asked.

"Nothing" – she sighed – "she asked for time so I'm giving it to her."

"Oh, _come on_ Arizona!" – She rolled her eyes – "that was what?" – she mock counted on her hands, running out of fingers as Arizona grimaced at the truth of it - "it was more than two weeks ago!"

_"I know!"_ – she blurted, making a face at how loud she was being – "I know, okay Teddy?! But, I don't know what to" – '_Frack!_ she was sighing like a silent movie star these days' – "I'm…"

" – a chicken shit!" – Laughed Teddy.

"Hey!"

Teddy shook her head, giggling into a glass of wine. Arizona crouched forward, squinting to see the walls behind her latest tormentor – "hmmm… I see Mason caved on the butterscotch paint for the walls, how did_ that _happened?" – she asked thoughtfully.

_"Hah!"_ the woman in the screen rolled her eyes again, her friend was _'hopeless!' _– "You don't think I know what you're doing Robbins!?" – she asked with the playful arch of an eyebrow – "I know what you're doing!"

"Teddy… I" –

" – to answer your question? Yes, Mason caved! I just used my Vagina vote!" – she shook her shoulders, silently laughing, re-living and relishing the victory.

_"What?!"_ – Arizona gave a short laugh of surprise – "Neyhala is adopted!"

"So? It doesn't have anything to do with giving birth!"- she answered, mock affronted - "if you must know, I threatened him with abstinence, you know?" – she asked with a smirk – "like the" –

They both talked over each other now.

"Teddy! I know what abstinence is!" – she exclaimed, the tips of her ear were red with embarrassment

" – withholding of sex!"

Teddy laughed hard, a hand on her chest, the other wiping a tear off her eye – "I would imagine you do!"

"Hey! Happy married people do not get to pick on their long suffering, sex starved best friends! It's in the contract right under the clause where you promise to loan me your kids in the summers so I don't buy cats!"

The laughter between the two friends quickly reached a crescendo. What followed was a tiny but tensed silence. They both knew that things had to be discussed; important things, unavoidable things.

"Teddy" – her voice was small – "why didn't you tell me when she was at MedCom?"

"I… it wasn't my place" – she answered hesitantly – "I didn't think she'd want me to tell you."

Anger painted Arizona's features –"you're my friend Teddy! _My friend_ and she… she concerns me…" – '_fuck! That was a lame way to put into words how she felt about Callie'_ – "and… you should have said something, so" –

" – so you could what? Stalk her from a far?! And, yes I'm your friend" – Teddy's eyes were so damned sympathetic right now, Arizona wanted to punch the screen – "but, _she's_ my friend too, Arizona. That's _not right_. You asking me to choose? Me – betraying her confidence like that_?! It's not right!_" – her voice had that quality to it, an adamant sort of pleading for the right thing, _the only thing_ to do.

Arizona huffed, 'stupid self-righteous people with always doing the right thing!' – _"well?"_

"Well, what?"

"Well, like, well I'm asking you now, Teddy! How the fu – wait is Neyhala around?!" – Arizona's eyes did a frantic survey of the Teddy's room through the screen.

An amused smile graced Teddy's lips – "No, she isn't. Father – Daughter hot-dog day. Mase and she are out!" – Teddy said with what Arizona thought to be too much enthusiasm – "And, Mama's got a date with some wine and cheese!"

"Mhhhm…" – Arizona gave a curios mix of a sad sigh and a laugh, it didn't go unnoticed.

Teddy leaned forward, trying to get a closer look at the screen. She could see her friend's eyes had that extra sheen, she'd seen it before countless times, especially in the last year, after the news of Callie's crash and recovery hit her in waves and tides.

"Arizona? What's wrong?"

She was trying really hard not to cry right now – "if I had stayed? Do you … do you think that would be us right now?" – her voice was so small, Teddy had to strain to hear it.

"I..." – she was definitely confused and a little taken aback – "I don't know what you mean?"

"Huh" – Arizona laughed through the tears, wiping hard at her eyes, rubbing her pale cheeks red – "the kid, the kid Teddy! You know? I mean three years! I would've married her _really hard!"_ – She laughed – "and I think… I think we would have had one by now."

Teddy sighed; rubbing her hands on her thighs, three years and her friend had never mentioned _the kids thing_. She had known it'd been an issue between them, but Arizona had never brought it up, not since it had been resolved and then after Malawi, it had just become this taboo subject.

"Arizona" –

" _– I know okay?! _I'm being stupid! I kno" –

" – Hey! No! Okay?!" Teddy waited for her friend to collect herself, patiently searching her gaze on the screen; the process was decidedly longer on a computer screen than in person. "Hey? Brat, look at me?!"

That got a chuckle out of the paed's surgeon; Teddy had taken to calling her 'Brat' in private since she'd told her she was from a military family.

Arizona looked up – "Hmmm?" – it was soft, but Teddy would take it.

"You still want to know about her trip here?" – she asked in a conspiratorial hush.

Arizona gave a laugh-sigh, nodding a vigorous but silent yes.

"Well?" – Teddy sat like _the Thinker_ with a heavy brow and a look of contemplation, she was going for something somewhat mock dramatic – "I offered her the guest bedroom, but she didn't take it. She spent most of her time checking out the potential research facilities" –

Arizona felt an odd mix of happiness and alarm " – yeah?!"

"Ummhmm… rumour has it she's in talks with the government and the military to sanction grants for human trials for her cartilage. Everyone called it Faux-tillage, it's the stupidest name I've heard!" – Arizona screwed up her face at the name, but Teddy continued, undeterred – "Vets would eat that up like crack!"

"I bet!"

"Exactly! Anyway, whatever, she spent a couple of evenings watching Neyhala" – Teddy gave a small smile, one that bespoke a fondness for the woman in question – "Neh loves her you know?!"

Arizona sighed – "I'm sure she does…" – Callie and kids, Callie and a little girl, that just… it just twisted her heart in the sweetest, saddest possible way.

"Teddy?" – shy vulnerability, something so, so rare for Arizona Robbins.

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think…if I get her back" –

" – When you get her back!"

"Right" – She gave a pathetic smile – "do you… do you think she'll have… she'll want kids with me?" She sounded_ hopeful. _

Teddy's jaw hung - mouth agape. It took her a moment to register the hurt puppy look Arizona was giving her, it said _'reassure me dum-dum!'_ But she couldn't promise her friend that. She knew that Callie and Arizona were meant to be, and they were idiots, but after everything the kid thing was just… it would be a _thing_ for them, _again. _

"I just… I don't… do _you _want that?" – she asked, failing miserably at masking her genuine surprise.

She wanted to say no, she really did. She felt embarrassed admitting it now. So much had changed between her and Callie. Not very long ago, just a few years, less than half a decade ago, for all the reasons that seemed right to her at the time – _she _had walked away from Callie. _She had._ It had been _her_ decision. Tired and miserable, Callie would have drifted through those three years; she would have let their love get poisoned and fought herself till she lost…lost herself. The price of being together had been too high. It had been their happiness, Callie's happiness and Callie losing who she was. But then _she_ wasn't there when _it_ happened. And the irony did not escape her - Callie seemed to have lost who she was anyway.

Callie was in a plane and it went down and for four days Arizona had been empty, there had been a cold fire in her stomach that kept shooting up her spine to the base of her skull. She felt nauseous for nearly eighty four hours. Her chest had been hollow and aching, and she'd known then that she could never not be in love with Calliope Torres. And, even when she could fool her mind into forgetting her ex, her body would never forget her. She'd ached for her physically, it was so basic and honest, and real; it had gutted it her.

**_'Did_**_ she want kids?'- _"Yes, with her… with Callie, I want kids." – it was so simple and definite that she had surprised herself.

"That's… that's good right?"

"I don't know, I guess? But, it's all just so messed up right now? And, she… sometimes I look at her and its three years ago and she's just Callie, she's _her_ you know?" – Arizona started fiddling with her fingers in her lap, looking intently at them, picking at imaginary lint, anything to avoid Teddy's eyes – "There's a new case or something and she smiles that smile that kind of used to shoot through me, all white and electric-like, making me…" – she giggled, hesitant – "making me a little weak in the knees?" – She finally looked up, holding Teddy's gaze – "You know what I mean?"

"I do. Mase does that sometimes. It… it makes my breath catch. I look at him and it's like the fourth of freaking July in my chest!" – she laughs.

"Exactly! But then, all the other times, I look at her and she looks, I don't know..._vacant._ And… and I don't recognize her… all of her or whatever. It's hard to describe."

"Arizona?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you know what happened up there? I mean, after the" –

"No" – the pediatric surgeon huffed – "I haven't asked her because – "

" – You are a chicken shit! We've established that – "

" – Hey! Ease up, okay? This… this isn't easy! Do you think this is – "

" – Don't, Robbins!" Teddy was terse, harsh even, but that look on her face bled into one of sorrow – "She's alive. You get that right?!"

"I know. I know she's – "

"You have a chance!" – Teddy cried in a primal whisper – "I love Mase… with everything, I love him. And, my life now?" – she gave a content sigh, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands – "I just… my heart is full. But, I buried a husband, a man I loved, a sweet man… he was… he was my friend. So don't lecture me on loss!"

Arizona had the sense to look ashamed, but she didn't apologise, that wasn't their thing – "Okay" – she gave a resolute nod, her eyes stinging with tears, 'God! Seeing Teddy happy after _everything_ was just so, it was fulfilling; she didn't know she could be this happy for someone else.'

A long but comfortable silence followed as the two friends recovered from the few heavy minutes that had passed between them.

Teddy was first to break the silence – "So, will you?"

Her mind was taken over by momentary confusion, not knowing when the conversation had shifted – "will I what?"

Teddy whined – "Arizonnnna! Ask her! Will you talk to her you moron?!"

"Yes" – she laughed – "yes I will. So, what about the rest of her trip?"

"Ummm…we went for a couple of family dinners with her and then she and I went for ladies night twice" – she decided to mess with her friend – "and Callie? I mean, _woah!_" – she fanned herself, making a show of being fevered.

"What? What?" – Arizona asked with ill masked urgency – "Callie what?!"

"Well, she, you know?!" – she shrugged her shoulders, making a show of genial nonchalance.

"No!"- Arizona asked through tight lips – "I don't! It's why I'm asking you?! See how that works?!" – a near murderous glare made Teddy shrink.

"Christ! Okay?! Don't look at me like that! She got hit on, like_ a lot!_ Lots of free drinks. God! There was this one guy" –

"Did she take him up to her room?" – _'Jealous, she was so freaking angry and jealous right now!'_ – "Did she?!"

"Arizona, _what?_ Did you expect her to be celibate for three years whilst you gallivanted around the third world" –

" – It was only Malawi!" – The peds surgeon wagged her finger at Teddy, trying desperately to talk over her.

" – That's all you have to say?" Teddy rolled her eyes at her – "you make a go of your career and she..._what?_ Lives like a nun?"

_'Yes!' _– she thought.

"No… no, of course not! And… and just for your information, I have been with Laura on and off for three years now! And, Carlotta too!" – she looked at her friend indignantly.

Teddy looked at her slack jawed – "Arizona?"

"Hmmmm?" – Arizona looked at her; her eyes awash with shame and guilt, her ears red. She was blushing.

"Did you… ummm…" – _'God! She knew this woman too well'_ – "did you just name your **_vibrators?!_**"

Arizona looked up, a guilty blush creeping up her neck – "_yes. Okay?_" – she couldn't look at the screen anymore – "yes I did."

She'd expected Teddy to laugh, but her voice was serious – "she didn't."

A look of comprehension dawned on Arizona's face – "she didn't?" – her heart felt lighter.

"No… no, she didn't invite him up."

"Good" – that got her an accusing look from Teddy – "I'm a _cave woman_, okay?! I'm stunted and un-evolved, and I'm desperate. _I want her!_ People say that if their love is happy loving someone else, they'll… what? They'll manage! It's the biggest load of crap, ever! And… and I don't want to manage; I _want_ her to love me back. I screwed up, I did. But, she's not happy! Okay?! And, _me?_ – I'm miserable without her, and I was an adult about it" – Teddy gave her a look, that look that said _'remember who you're talking to?'_

"No… no, Teddy. Don't give me that!"

"I didn't say a word!" – Teddy gave her an indignant shrug of the shoulders.

"You didn't have to!" – she shot back – "I had to finish what I started, and she was okay! She was alive and broken, but she was okay. I couldn't run off! I settled things in Malawi. It took time and it took everything I had not to just… just drop Malawi. But, I came here, the moment I could… I did!"

"Arizona! She's been living with a Mark sized hole in her heart for almost a year now!"

"Teddy, it needed to die down! Her pride, her pain?! She would have never let me in! She would have hated me, immediately, on sight! I know her! I know Callie, I know how she works!" – she was trying hard to convince Teddy, herself.

"Maybe a year ago, you knew her" – Teddy said cautiously – "but right now? You don't know what happened to them and you _don't_ know what happened to _her!_ She's someone else now, you _just _said it _yourself_, Arizona!"

"I know, okay?" – she said exasperated – "I know what I said."

"Then, _talk_ to her!" – Teddy said with emphasis – "you need to talk to her before she… before she disappears! Mase, he did that for me… pulled me back, slowly and one day, without knowing it, I was… I was lighter, happy again. You don't give up on her, Robbins!" – she smirked, trying to lighten the mood – "you get me?!"

"I get you."

"So you'll" –

" – stop being a chicken shit?" – Arizona asked with a playful smile on her lips – "yes!"

They both laughed.

"So?" – Teddy began anew, a look of utter curiosity and seriousness overtook her features – "why do you need two vibrators?"

* * *

**A/N:** Some girl talk, a filler of sorts. A little peek into where Callie is at professionally, which may or may not come into play later. I won't tell! I wanted Teddy happy, I hated her abrupt send off, and even more so because she had no peace of mind when it came to Henry. Who by the way, how enormously cute was he?! Also, Arizona's warped A/U reasoning for a delayed return post-crash. I find the character a curious mix of selfish and selfless; she's very altruistic but willing to sacrifice those closest to her for that very reason (at least with the Africa thing). I like that, the complication there. It makes for more stories to be told.


	7. The Forgotten Night

**Seven**

**The Forgotten Night: The Morning after Last Call**

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters belong to SR and ABC. I make not profit. No copyright infringement intended.

**Canon Till**: 7 x 07

**A/N:** Hello again, Old readers and welcome New ones! I'm back! I would apologise for the belatedness of the update, and I wish I had a better excuse. But, really I've been reading _The White Mughals_ by William Dalrymple, and I just got away from it for a bit, but not for too long though! It's monstrous but amazing, if you're a history buff, give it a go.

Thanks for your patience and continued interest (here's hoping!) My thesis is in for peer and panel reviews, got mad amounts of time on my hands. How shameful is it that I had to read through all the chapters a few times over to work out where I was?! (Identify the rhetorical question in the above paragraph…)

Thoughts, sarcasm, Calliesque word jumbles etc. are single quotes.

I'm definitely more than just a little rusty; I'd imagine it'll get better as I get back into the swing of things! Alright! Enough lollygagging! Let's get to it! Shall we?!

Also, I use Brit. English, so some spellings may be different.

**Read, Review and Enjoy Yourselves!**

_**Onward**_

* * *

"Wha…" – she gulped, dry air and a rancid burn grated at the insides of her throat like sandpaper – "what happened?" She kept her eyes closed. She hazarded a turn as a stiff but cushy corner hit her hand. The bed… 'no, no, the couch' felt familiar; it hurt in just the right places. She was used to it. She opened them – her eyes bleary. Caked and crusty; they were always aching from seeing too much. But right now they ached from the massive amounts of light coming through a large wall of windows.

Her eyes were met with the unwelcome but seemly sight of a certain blonde doctor sitting on the coffee table. She was looking at Callie like she was some sort of curiosity, her head tilted and a coffee mug nestled between her palms.

Callie tried to get up, supporting her weight on her hands sideways. It was a bit of a hit and a miss as she faltered, with no help from the blonde – "son of a beagle!" She swore at no one in particular.

She looked up to find Arizona smiling at her; a big goofy, dimpled smile.

"What?!" She barked at the woman with all that 'ungodly cheer' settled on her face, written into a smile she would've, not too long ago, done almost anything to see.

That smile didn't make its way off of her face as she spoke – "nothing!" – Arizona gave a noncommittal shrug of the shoulders – "it's just… when you say son of a beagle" –for whatever reason she chose to do Callie's 'drunk in a funk' voice, foregoing all sense of self-preservation – "it kindda means the same thing Callie!"

"Arizonnnnaaa…" there was this insistence in the way Callie said her name that let the woman know her time peacefully and enjoyably sleep-stalking Callie was over.

"What are you doing here?!"

"I, well, I… you… You see what happened was that, we…"

Sleep and headache forgotten, Callie began speaking in machine gun bursts - "no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! We didn't! Tell me we didn't?!" – she looked down to check for herself, her hands feeling for the fabrics of her clothing.

"Oh, thank you Jesus! I have my clothes on! You have your clothes on! We didn't" – she stopped, hesitant.

The blonde quirked an eyebrow, a look of frank amusement and suppressed sorrow colouring her features – "have sex?!" – she scoffed, as the words ended in a high and embarrassing squeak – "no, we didn't… but good to know how you feel about it! Sixteen no's!?" She shook her head in disbelief as she caught the brunette's gaze – "really?! Is the thought of being with me" -

"What are you doing here, Arizona?" – Callie cut her to the quick, not letting her finish that very, very complicated question.

"What do you remember about yesterday night?" – Arizona's face was coloured with curiosity, as she quirked an eyebrow urging the woman seated in front of her to talk.

Callie pinched the bridge of her nose, her eyes fluttering rapidly as she tried to recall last night – "I… uh…hmmm? Oh! We… you asked me to…" – she stopped mid-sentence and abruptly began a wobbly trek to her kitchen.

Confused blue eyes followed the brunette out of the room. Arizona quickly scrambled to her feet looking to follow Callie.

"What?" – She waved a hand behind the woman, the look of incredulity and exasperation marring her features bled into her voice – "that's all you're going to say?" She banged her coffee mug on the breakfast bar unceremoniously, spooking the brunette into spilling water onto her top.

Callie turned around, hostility apparent in her gait – "no… I was… I'm hungover!"

" Psssh!" – Arizona scoffed – "I could have told you that!" The blonde cut her off, becoming increasingly aware of having unknowingly and unwittingly ingested stupid pills at some point in this conversation. She was hounded by this stellar sense of impatience that burned bright under her skin, dancing with the possibilities last night had opened up for them. It had taken hold with such force, and she had spent all night with this nervous energy moving around in her chest and her stomach. The night was spread out in her mind's eye, replaying itself over and over again. It was full of simple moments of acceptance, tenuous and perhaps the strained sense of a muted understanding pregnant with the fortuity of forgiveness. It let her dream of some future, and not this vacant silence that they'd been bathed in since she'd come back to Seattle. These moments, they were small, but they meant the world to her. And now? Now that it seemed Callie couldn't remember it, she kind of felt the ground shift from under her. What if Callie couldn't remember?! Then she would be left telling Callie how it was and how she should be feeling! She would be telling Callie how to feel, after almost a year of other people doing the same, albeit for different reasons. That was not what she wanted for them, at all. It was patronizing, and unfair to Callie. Regardless, she was doing 'a brilliant job of fudging it up right now too'.

The brunette cleared her throat and wiped the excess of water dripping down her chin with the back of her hand – "God! What is with you?!" – it was harsh but not loud. If anything, the last two months had taught Arizona that Callie, unlike her old passionate self who was full of wondrous fire and movement, didn't do loud so much anymore. In fact she somewhat shied away from it.

A silence overtook the expansive kitchen. As the sunlight became denser, the shadows of the leaves made mesmeric movements on the counter. They were both engulfed by it; a honey like hue had coloured the space around them, giving the silence more air to breathe, more room to grow.

Callie drew a long breath, braving a look at the blonde as she sighed Arizona's name to get her attention.

"Arizona" –

- "Callie, we" –

They both stared at one another, awkwardly appraising each-other, wondering what the other was about to say.

Arizona was the first to speak – "you talk."

Callie gave her a look that betrayed her curiosity. When it came to the blonde, suspicion had become a part of the mixed bag of feelings she seemed to suffer every time she looked at her.

"Alright" – the brunette gave a slight nod of acknowledgement – "I remember you asked me to have a drink…"

* * *

_Callie stared at her blankly. Then a look of utter surprise overtook the brunette's face, like the woman in front of her had somehow managed to grow another head._

_"Honestly, Doctor Robbins" – Callie tried to keep her voice levelled as she worked to forcefully removed a rib from the kid they were working on. 'Missy Lambert; who names their kid Missy anymore?! It should be illegal!' – "You want to do this right now? If you missed it" – she was cut off by a nurse's snort. She took a moment to give Nurse Heather the Torres eyebrow, 'Missy…missed, it wasn't that funny!'_

_She cleared her throat while gracing the patient with her attention again – "as I was saying…" – her words were acid like, sharply cutting through the occupants of the operating theatre – "this is neither the time, nor the place for fixing up social calls, and" –_

_- "we are attendings with full schedules" – Arizona quickly cut her off, sensing her fast failing tactic – "when else would we make plans?"_

_Callie spoke, slow and deliberate, it gave away her attempts at keeping a calm façade – "that may well be, but I'm elbow deep in this little girl" –_

_- "And you are doing a brilliant job!" – the peds surgeon exclaimed with fake cheer that failed to lighten the mood that had taken hold of the O. T – "and at this rate, with some luck, we'll finish early… So? A drink… One…down the road at" –_

_"Not at Joes!" The brunette replied, realising that she had inadvertently agreed to a drink with the sweetest, sharpest woman that ever lived. She mentally kicked herself, opening her mouth to correct herself and drown the blonde in a big, whoppingly gargantuan NO. But she was never to get the opportunity. The other woman was sly, cocky and confident; Arizona had suddenly changed her tact. 'Two months of bumbling, and tripping around the brunette, and now she was back to being the experienced, jocular woman who daringly kissed her in a dirty bar bathroom?! What was that about?!' It was all very disorienting._

_The blonde quickly cut her off, a winning smile travelled to her eyes, shining over the surgical mask – "that's okay!"_

_'Ugh! That was real cheer.' Callie almost preferred the awkward and uncomfortable silence that had preceded this._

_"You can pick where, Dr. Torres!"_

_'Gag me with surgical mesh!' – "There is a place… a diner down the road, off the south wing?" She could not believe she was being strong armed into a drink, in fact several, if she had anything to say about it, with Arizona Robbins. In. Her. Own. Flipping. O. T._

_- "Oh! I know it! It's the… ummm?"_

_"Tie#92!" – Heather chirped in._

_'Blekh!' – Thought the orthopaedic surgeon – 'that Heather was always especially chirpy around Arizona!' She pretty much wanted to kick the chirp out of her 'right now!' Then she spent a few seconds on the realisation and subsequent denial that she'd just felt a dash of blind jealousy for a woman who had for the lack of a better term, abandoned her. In that moment she felt a tad disgruntled with herself, but she quickly recovered._

_"Do you know why it's called the Tie#92, Dr. Robbins?" 'Hmmm… it seems like she'd started talking to the blonde about insane bull-crap in order to overcome this feeling, whatever it was…'_

_"Uh! No…no, I haven't the foggiest why…" Arizona did a good job of hiding her surprise at Callie volunteering to have a civil conversation with her. But, it didn't slip Callie's notice._

_The orthopaedic surgeon soldiered on; desperately trying to ignore the fact that the entire O. T. was now interestedly watching the two women interact like it was on discovery or something – "well, the owner. Fred, his name is Fred. His son is a sales-rep for the company that came up with the diaper genie" –_

_"No kidding!" – Arizona excitedly cut her off._

_"Yes" – Callie schooled her voice in to a monotone of disinterest, as she went about working on the little girl – "just a… gimme a sec here, Dr. Robbins…"_

_Everyone looked on as Callie intricately worked to correctly position the mesh._

_"Right, so where was I?"_

_"The Diaper genie?"_

_"Yeah… so Boyd, that's the son…"_

_"Ahaan" Arizona unnecessarily voiced her agreement, earning a sharp glare from Callie. Her smiling face sobered down a little as the brunette continued._

_"Boyd travelled a lot on the job. And, when he was a kid..."_

_Arizona's eyes widened at the depth to which Callie was privy to this diner owning Fred, and his son Boyd's lives. But this time, she thought it best not to interrupt Callie._

_"…he would always gift Fred a tie, for like… everything? So, anyway, every city he went to for work, he'd bring a novelty tie for his dad." There was a hint of a smile on the brunette's face, barely visible from behind the mask. But, to Arizona, its fleeting presence was unmistakable. 'It was the most remarkable thing, even when it was hidden? It was the most remarkable thing.'_

_"Anyway, so, Fred has a counter displayed that he kept adding to, but Boyd he…"_

_"Oh my God!" – Heather spoke in alarm – "he died didn't he?! Boyd! Poor Fred!"_

_"Nurse Heather!" - Callie exclaimed – "I'm working on a little girl here, we are being pleasant and chatty" – Arizona frowned at how Callie was trivialising the whole thing – "and you are shouting out in surprise?! Now my hands are steady, but please" – her harsh tone abated somewhat as she saw the young nurse cower from being reprimanded – "please, never do that again."_

_"Right" – Heather sighed – "of course Dr. Torres. I apologise."_

_Callie nodded her acceptance of the apology as she continued to look down at her work._

_"So, you were saying?" – Arizona's voice pulled her out of her internal monologue staring Heather._

_"What?"_

_"About Boyd? Who, I assume is not dead?"_

_"No!" – The brunette laughed her reply – "he's not. He just very recently retired. Early retirement, in fact. He took over the diner actually. Fred comes in from time to time. Anyway, the novelty ties stopped at ninety-two. It's like an internal joke between them."_

_"It's cute."_

_"Mhhhmm… I'm almost done. Would you like to take a look, Dr. Robbins? Maybe close up for me?"_

_"Sure!" – the peds surgeon shifted closer and looked at the site carefully, she looked up, beaming at the brunette – "it's excellent work Dr. Torres!"_

_"Would you?" – Callie held up her hands, signalling at the patient with one – "like to close up?"_

_"Yes, Callie."_

_"It's just professional courtesy, Dr. Robbins." She said it loud enough, so that only Arizona and perhaps those straining their ears to hear her would catch it._

_Arizona felt a little deflated – "Of course" – she said as she took over for Callie – "are you scrubbing out, Dr. Torres?"_

_Callie shifted from heel to heel as she stretched, standing at a distance from the patient, somewhat close to the exit._

_"Uh..." – she hesitated, not wanting to inadvertently handover any more olive branches to the peds surgeon – "no… no… I… She's my patient, I'll see her through." While answering she circled back, now standing across from Arizona. All the while she pondered her response and was finally satisfied with the underlying professionalism in the explanation she'd given the blonde._

_Arizona's voice pulled her out of her own head yet again – "so you said it's an internal joke, right?" – The blonde asked in a light, almost playful voice. The slight hint of hurt at Callie's repeated insistence on professionalism seemed to have been set aside._

_"Hmmm? You mean…"_

_"Fred. Boyd. Fred and Boyd?"_

_"Ahhh… yeah…" – Callie nodded vigorously as she bent at the waist with her hands behind her back; she was checking the blonde's handy work._

_"So…" – the peds surgeon was a little apprehensive about pushing the point – "if it's like an internal joke? How do you… you know? Know about it?"_

_The brunette stood up straight, a little taken aback by the question._

_Something about her stance prompted Arizona into feeling slightly panicky – "wait, wait wait! I'm sorry. Is it personal?" – She looked around at the rest of their colleagues, suddenly feeling like she had overstepped. It was hard, with Callie and even just being in this hospital. She always felt like a dissonant sense of familiarity followed her everywhere she went, and in everyone she talked to, especially Callie. Her heart always tricked her in to believing and expecting… 'what, she couldn't quite put into words'. But she knew that it was an ill-conceived hope that she carried around with her. Everything had changed so irrevocably, but sometimes she would just look at Callie…only look at her, and for the shortest, sweetest while, she'd forget. And, that? It was wrong of her… this complete and wonderful eclipse and effacement, it was disrespectful. It was disrespectful of Callie and everything she… they had been through._

_"No… no…" – the orthopaedic surgeon's voice pulled her out of her nervous and internal ramblings – "it's just I treated Boyd's mother and…" – Callie hesitated as she felt all eyes on her – "… maybe it's a little personal."_

_"Oh…" – Arizona said, a little disappointed, and not realising what brought on Callie's hesitance – "that's fine. I… I get that." She nodded to the nurse besides her signalling that she had finished closing up._

_She walked to scrub out._

_Callie walked a few paces faster to catch up with the blonde. They both reached the scrub room together, eliciting an awkward dance of 'you first' at the entrance._

_Callie watched the sudsy water disappear into the drain as she thought of what to say next._

_"Thanks." Arizona's voice was meek, full of a vulnerability that confused the brunette._

_Callie looked up at her sideways, still curious, not really sure what the gratitude was for but she let it go – "you are welcome." She was all talked out. Being polite with Arizona, keeping her anger at bay, sometimes her need to smile at the blonde and the sudden burst of inexplicable affection under wraps all brought her to the point of exhaustion. And to think, she would have to do it all again because she agreed to talking and drinking, 'don't forget the drinking'._

_"That was my last" said the blonde as she looked at Callie with pleading eyes._

_Callie felt the walls creep in on her now. It happened time and again when she found herself in situations where she'd have to keep talking and interacting for long periods of time. Human company often choked her; it made her skin prickly and hot. But, being alone wasn't much different. She felt odd among these people, displaced, like she didn't belong with these people who lived and breathed. She felt out of time, or beyond it. Sometimes she truly believed there had been a mistake; that she was meant to stop, that she was meant to die on that mountain. Instead, here she was, completely lost, clawing on from moment to moment, and desperately chasing sanity in routine. Only work made sense, most days everything else was a struggle, most days feeling things threw her off, they made her alive again, filled her with hope, and if she had learnt anything it was that hope was baseless, and nonsensical. Prayer was just that hope put into words, it was simple and deceptive, fooling all of humanity. Yet, oddly enough she still saw value in it, still felt it. She felt torn apart by every single day, her sanity tenuous; she felt schizophrenic. _

_Callie sighed, her eyes full of a frigid gleam that made the blonde uneasy – "your last?"_

_"Surgery…" – the blonde said hesitantly – "it was my last surgery for the day."_

_A turgid silence followed until the brunette realised she was expected to say something – "I…uh… I'm scheduled for another, it's a" –_

_- "When do you get off?" – Arizona nervously cut her off; both now aware that they were scrubbing their hands raw. For whatever reason, they couldn't stop scrubbing though._

_"Eight… if everything goes well, then" –_

_- "Great! Good, we'll walk to Tie#29?" – The blonde cut her off hastily, again._

_Callie made a clicking noise with her tongue, now annoyed with Arizona's nervous verbal speedy Gonzalez act – "92. It's Tie#92. And, no, I" –_

_"No? What do you mean? You just agreed" –_

_"Christ almighty!" – Callie hissed her irritation – "would you let me finish a sentence?!"_

_Arizona remained completely mum, not realising that this time Callie actually wanted an answer in the affirmative._

_"Ufff!" – The brunette huffed her frustration. Giving the blonde a stern look, she continued – "I have the T-Bird, and" –_

_She saw Arizona's mind churning out the questions before they got to her lips, and she preemptively answered the blonde – "I got a new place… a house… my house. It's… I drive here. It… ummm… calms me."_

_"Right, of cour" – Arizona stopped mid-sentence, realising how it was unspoken but understood that she was supposed to be quiet for a bit. She guessed that Callie had developed a thing about silence, and too much talk; that it jostled the brunette somehow._

_Callie looked confounded, completely unsure of why Arizona didn't finish her thought – "anyway, so I'll be ready to go at eight-thirty. We'll drive?"_

_Arizona just nodded comically; it almost made the brunette smile. Almost._

_"And, we'll keep it short?" – Callie asked a tad hopeful._

_Arizona nodded again._

_Callie giggled, and then caught herself; it seemed to have hurt her face somehow. She started walking away._

_When she was out of sight, Arizona let out a sigh of relief. She cautiously looked around; the O. T. was empty, so was the scrub room, so she allowed herself to just let go. She smiled broadly as she did a little jig and punched the air._

_Under the doorway of the exit, partially hidden in the dark, stood Callie. Her arms crossed, her body leaning sideways, supported by the wall, and a smile on her face._

* * *

"Wait!" – Arizona squeaked – "you saw that?!"

"Oh yeah!" – Callie's voice hinted a sense of playfulness, something it had been devoid of for a long, long time – "I saw that! You, I think, were mouthing the words 'I like to move it, move it.'"

"Okay!" – The blonde cut her off quickly before it got more embarrassing – "what else do you remember?"

"I… ummm…" – Callie scratched her head, leaning down on the breakfast bar, resting both her elbows on it. The posture gave Arizona an unimaginably glorious view of her ex's cleavage. The blonde found herself completely off guard as a grape hit her square on her nose, unceremoniously but only partially pulling her out of her deep meditation.

"What?" Arizona asked without looking up.

Callie had the good sense to follow her line of sight, and flushed a furious vermillion as she realised it was her cleavage the blonde was so lost in.

Another grape and Callie hurriedly covering herself up broke Arizona out of her daze. As soon as she looked up and met Callie's eyes, she felt completely and totally ashamed. She was now the douchebag she had always hated. And, Callie looked hurt, and a little violated.

"Callie" – she moved towards the brunette who in turn walked back a few paces – "I'm sorry, I just…I… I haven't… God, this is so…" – the blonde flapped her arms around, trying desperately to articulate how she felt, how Callie made her feel. She finally came up with – "I haven't you know?" She gave a suggestive sort of swing and jostle of her fists. 'Brilliant, bloody brilliant! Now, I can operate on myself, because I just turned into a fourteen year old horny teen-dude-person!'

Callie looked at Arizona, all thought of being looked at so intently forgotten, and confusion clouded her mind. 'What in holy tarnation was Arizona trying to say?' – "you haven't fist-bumped?"

"Noooooo" – the blonde gave an exasperated whine – "I haven't had sex! Okay?! I haven't slept with anyone since you, so I… I just…"

"Oh!"

"Yeah, oh is correct." – said the blonde. She suddenly found her footwear very, very interesting as she stood there in front of Callie, scuffing the floor with her shoe like a little girl waiting to be grounded.

"I… um… I don't know what to say to that, Arizona."

"You don't have to say anything" –

- "But" –

"No, no, I insist, say nothing! Please, say nothing."

"Alright" - the brunette's face scrunched up as if she were deep in thought - "wait though, that was the sign, your sign for sex?!"

"It's the universal sign for" -

"Brohood, Arizona" - the brunette gawked at the woman.

"Are you mocking me, Callie?" - the blonde looked at her intently - "you are! You're mocking me!"

"Hey! Hey!" - the brunette placated her, feeling a certain lightness she hadn't felt in a very long time. She put her hands up in a gesture of surrender - "you're the one with the mixed euphemisms..."

"This is not saying nothing, Callie!"

Callie, let the last few minutes go, just as she did so many things these days when it came to Arizona. She quickly realised that they needed a change of topic, and decided to go back to last night.

She began abruptly - "then, I remember the ride to Fred and Boyd's, and I think I introduced you to them? Did, I?" her voice tapered off as she tried to remember.

Arizona sighed her appreciation for the change in subject as she walked back, taking her place across the breakfast bar from Callie – "yes. Yes you did" – she chipped in – "as your colleague" – the last word had a bit of an annoyed edge to it. Again, Callie noticed but let it slide.

"Ahaan, but, I thing that's it."

"What's it, Callie?"

"I mean that that is all I remember…" – she saw the blonde's face drop immediately – "I mean… the rest I remember in bits and pieces… Wow!" – She shook her head, covering her eyes as she did so.

"What do you mean wow?!"

"It's just that" – the brunette stopped and took another sip of water – "I haven't been blind drunk since the night we had Mark's…" – she trailed off.

"His funereal?" – The blonde pushed.

"Yes" – Callie replied, resentment colouring her voice at the reminder.

"Do you want me to... you know fill in the rest?" – 'what was that? Arizona sounded almost hopeful; eager.'

"Was it important?" – The brunette asked, equal parts curious and surprisingly – afraid.

Arizona cocked an eyebrow at her – "I think it was" – she smirked.

"Okay then, get on with it."

* * *

**A/N#2**: Okay folks, that's all she wrote, for this chapter. A mention there of my very cool friend who wrote in to remind me to post. Tiy92 on FF, I had to take the liberty of changing the spelling, but there it is in black and white. The mention I promised.

The next chapter continues in the same vein. I hope you all enjoyed it. I'll admit it's a tad dry and gimmicky in places, at least that's how it felt to me, But, hopefully I'll get back to my usually rhythm as I continue to write more and more of this story.

I have a question, the next chapter is longish and works better in two parts, but do you guys prefer a two parter or the whole thing? Which in case will definitely be a longer wait. Write in and let me know.


	8. Eggs, Scrambled

**Eight (Part I)**

**Eggs, Scrambled**

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters belong to SR and ABC. I make not profit. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Traffic signs are important, and this author liked shoe shopping today, which is unusual for her. And she is now speaking of herself in the third person, which is interesting, and also creepy.

**Beta:** _Darkwlight7_

_Using Brit. English, so some spellings may be different_

**So, I woke up to a little over 150 emails today, lots of favs and follows, but very few reviews, and 'm really thankful. But, come on guys a little feedback would be really nice!**

**_Onward_**

* * *

"Right, so you" – Arizona loosely pointed at the woman in front of her, both of them now on the stools at the breakfast bar, facing one another over it – "remember the drive."

"It was like a tiny" – the blonde set her forefinger and thumb apart, leaving a minuscule gap between them – "like a short drive" –

- "I know what tiny means, Arizona" the brunette talked over the other woman, her impatience and growing exasperation becoming abundantly clear in her voice.

"Right" – the blonde said, now more somber – "of course you do. I just meant… I mean" –

_- "Jesus, Arizona!_ What do you want to say? Whatever it is, just say it! I think we've established that I may have gotten" – the brunette momentarily hesitated, her confusion with the events of last night making itself obvious in her voice – "Blackout drunk? I think…" Callie slowly began losing steam, the harshness in her voice dissipating as she became increasingly cognisant of the slight fear and disappointment in the other woman's eyes. "Can, you just…" – Callie sighed, shaking her head trying to tarry her leaping mind that fed her only bits of information on last night – "just tell me what happened, and" –

"You scare me, Callie" – the blonde admitted, meek and vulnerable, her hands folded in and on her lap as she slumped over, unable to meet the brunette's eyes.

The brunette felt a cold dread claw itself into her stomach and her chest. She was entirely unsure of what had happened last night; she hadn't been this out of it since college. When she'd first realised exactly how much of last night had escaped her, she'd felt embarrassed for having been that person again. But, she hadn't apologised, because _'Callie Torres was, for the most part, done with apologies.'_

She'd lived on her own terms for some time now; she'd been her own keeper. She had been, and on most days, still was a good person; kind, gentle, may be even generous. It was only the letting go and loving hard or letting people truly, genuinely care about her, something she'd done freely and expected in kind, that was suddenly so difficult; that part of herself was now somehow inaccessible to her. Some days, its appearance and its buried presence would surprise her, like right now, when she was looking at Arizona. The fear of hurting this woman had come from a place hidden inside her; it housed the kind of love that stretched her soul into an infinite lightness. She felt it in jarring and discordant flashes that were no longer in keeping with the person she was slowly becoming.

_"Scare you?"_ – She asked, almost apprehensively, unsure as to if she really wanted an answer to her next question – "Arizona, did I… I mean… do something" – the blonde looked up at her, confusion etched on her face. Whatever it was that had let them read each-other so clearly, with muted excitement and in vivid detail – something that usually evolved between people who had been together for decades – it had snapped. The doubt, the uncertainty, it crowded every inch that lay between them, singing its existence in silent and blank spaces.

The blonde held her gaze, gently encouraging Callie to finish asking her question.

"Arizona, did I do something last night? Did I hurt you?"

"Hurt me?!" – A laugh bubbled from the blonde chest. She was laughing at a joke all of her own, but the look of incredulity on the brunette's face soon sobered her into a short silence.

"Wait, wait…" – the blonde stopped abruptly, her expression quickly becoming serious as she searched Callie's face_ 'for something'_ she couldn't quite explain, but whatever it was - it was unsettling – _"No, Callie! God no!"_ – she nodded vigorously.

"Of course you didn't hurt me" – her voice emphasising just precisely how true that statement was. Callie's want for a reply pushed her into a nervous state of worry. In these moments of uncertainty, Arizona still thoughtlessly did what came naturally to her. She reached for the brunette's hands and took it in hers. A simple touch, just Callie's hands in hers; it was, they realised, completely different from before.

In that moment, Callie had realised something so basic and unbeknownst to her, something so pertinent to where they would be in the future. She had realised that she and Arizona had always had one thing. It was this thick, near palpable, living, breathing chemistry. Skin on skin, fast and sweating, slow and tortuous, in the bed, across the room – it had always been there. But, the essence of it all was something entirely different, almost polemic in the sheer fact that at its root was something platonic. They were, she realised,_ 'friends, and after all that she has…they had been through? This was just so god damn odd!'_ Its simplicity made her recognise the paradox that had suddenly revealed itself to her.

Callie had all these things to say, about Arizona, about her and Arizona, about Mark and herself, about the crash, and as much as she wanted to right now, she couldn't hate Arizona.

Arizona whom she knew had comeback more than a year after the crash as a calculative attempt to let her cool down or whatever._ 'She just knew.'_ A woman who had always been so bull headed, she wouldn't know what a compromise is if it kicked her in the ass with a steel pointed boot.

Callie wanted to tell her everything, despite all those things, but she couldn't, because even though she wasn't ready to admit it to herself, she was still in love with the woman. As much in love as she could allow herself to be, allow herself to feel. But, she also didn't trust the woman, and she wasn't really sure if she ever really could.

"So? What is it about me?"

The question marred her voice with a cadence that did little to hide the brunette's shyly expressed emotion and uncertainty. The sudden rawness in Callie's voice gave the blonde pause before she spoke – "you, ummm… you're so, _different?_ I don't know."

Before Callie could stop her or cut her off Arizona tightened her grip and spoke in a more rushed manner – "I just… there are pieces of you that aren't you, and I am still…I still…" –

- "You're still looking for me?" – Callie whispered. She understood it. She'd felt herself search the deep recesses of her mind, her soul, her memory; her sense of self was convoluted, she had always been complex, but she had never felt so lost. She was lost within herself and to the people outside her. She understood it.

"Callie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, I…" – the blonde rambled on, a look of guilt and fear for having hurt the woman in front of her blatantly apparent on her face.

Callie gave her a small smile, a look to reassure her – "it's okay" – she shrugged her shoulders – "I get it. But, I'm not …'m not ready to talk about it."

"Okay" – The blonde nodded her affirmation.

"Arizona, I…uh… I may never be ready to talk about it."

"You will be" – Arizona replied, her eyes were determined and radiating a kindness and compassion, the weight of which made the brunette feel like she was sinking, drowning. But, Callie fought the urge to snap, to ruin the moment.

"You don't know that" – She whispered.

"Stick with me kid…" – Arizona joked with a playful lilt in her voice; she was trying to bring some levity to the situation, managing to coax another small smile from the brunette.

They stayed like that, hand in hand, and as astonishing as it was, there was no hesitance or withdrawal. There was only a silence, comfort and perhaps an almost tenuous understanding. It took them to the brink of _something_ till Callie forced them to step back.

"Alright" – Sighed the brunette, slowly but deliberately extricating her hands from Arizona's – "I'll just… uh" – she'd suddenly become a little flustered; bothered by their closeness, by what she had felt, and much more by how she wanted to feel it. Callie scurried to the stove to make some tea as the rest of her sentence hung in the air, unspoken.

Arizona, now a self-aware horn-dog, took to silently staring at Callie's back as the woman got to making them some good ol' fashioned tea and simple scrambled eggs for breakfast.

"You should probably tell me the rest then…"

"Huh?" – Arizona replied, fairing a little better than the recent grape in the face incident.

"What happened last night… you were going to, you know?"

"Hmmm… right" – the blonde sighed – "last night..."

She could_ feel_ Arizona's eyes on the back of her person. Callie's concentration was shot to hell as she picked a spot on the wall in front to stare at and mentally latch on to. Beginning to feel her skin prickle with a heat of an altogether different kind, she sought to make a move before things got too uncomfortable.

"Are you looking at me again?!"

"What?! Huh!_ No!_" – the blonde scoffed nervously._ 'Awesome Robbins! Convincing as hell! Broadway, here I come!'_

"Then how's about you fill me in on last night's details?" – asked the brunette as she executed a smooth one-eighty, now facing Arizona with a pan full of cheesy scrambled eggs with a drizzle of Tabasco sauce. She turned around again, fishing out two plates from the over-head cabinets. Having set everything down and having poured the tea, she sat down at the breakfast bar with elegance unbecoming of a woman expected to be hungover.

All the while Arizona, almost as if against her will, kept tracking her every movement. It was odd, the things she realised she'd missed. Three years ago their morning routine had been something like this, save she'd be behind the counter right beside Callie arguing about the amount of Tabasco her girlfriend put on their scrambled eggs while she stole quick and slow kisses. On some mornings, Cristina would storm in and tell them how unsanitary it was and steal their food.

"So?" – Callie asked, quirking an eyebrow – "last night?" – She asked, with _'what was that a smirk?! Was Callie smirking?!'_

"Right" – said the blonde – "last night was interesting…" – Arizona, never one to be left out, had a smirk of her own.

* * *

**A/N: **Look out for the next chapter, out sooner rather than later. We will finally get to see the Tie#92, and meet Fred and Boyd and see a progressively drunk Callie. All fun things, with a bit of angst, all wrapped up in 8, Part II.

Remember to leave me a review.


	9. The White Russian Who wasn't a Spy

**Eight, Part II**

**The White Russian who wasn't a Spy**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to SR and ABC. I make no profit from these stories and also? No copy right infringement intended.**

**Thought, sarcasm, Calliesque word jumbles etc. are in 'single quotes'. **

**Flashbacks in ****_Italics._**

**Read, Enjoy and leave a review, please. It's really nice to get feedback and see if you guys want something different, etc, or even more of the same.**

**A/N: If the line spacing bothers you, right under the summary of the fic there is a tool bar from where you can expand of contract the line spacing. For whatever reason, I can't seem to change it.**

**Sorry guys, having a little trouble uploading this chapter.**

_**Onward**_

* * *

_Callie walked in first, while Arizona walked at a slower pace, surveying her surroundings. The look of the place was quaint, like a diner out of the nineteen fifties, "right before those hippies ruined America" – as her nana would say. A sign hung outside that read __**'Est. 1958'**__ in a fluid and feminine script. As she walked in, off of the large glass doors that were flanked by an old and chipped wood frame, a broad brass bar functioning as a handle, she realised why Callie would pick this place. Apart from the fact that on display was the bar, situated farthest away from the entrance, the floor was checkered like a chessboard; the seats at the breakfast bar from where you could see the pickup window were steel rods that were capped off by bright red cushions. The booths to the side, running by the window were large and cushioned and looked on to the street through full length glass windows. It had the comfort and the charm of the generic 'All-American' diner where milkshakes flooded the tables till nine or ten at night, after which they'd break out the single malt. _

_As she stood close to the entrance, she realised that Callie had already taken a seat somewhere in there. The booths were too high backed for her to see the brunette and the diner was relatively full if not bursting with business. She stood there contemplating her next move. Should she just do the slow paced casual look around and 'chance' upon the other woman or should she call out for her? The place was awash in the loud din of people familiar to one another, laughing, clapping each-other on the backs. It had a warmth and energy that was really, really inviting. Something in the place suddenly seemed to give the blonde hope, because __**'Callie seemed to gravitate to this place. Even if the brunette sometimes looked like she was on the outside looking in, some part of Callie still wanted this or needed this… all this… the people… the laughter… the music… and the pie, she smelt pie.' **_

_She was just about to shout out the brunette's name when a tall man, the manliest man in an apron one could ever come across laughed out Callie's name, prompting the other woman to get out of the booth and give him a big warm hug. The entire tableau brought a smile to the blonde's face. She saw the brunette discreetly looked around for her. _

_Callie waved at her, she seemed, __**something**__… vaguely shy as the man leant in and said something to her. It seemed to make the brunette blush, as she vigorously shook her head in the negative. Arizona waited, watching the scene unfold till she realised both Callie and guy were now looking at her – a little amused and askance; giving them a shrug and a smile, she quickly walked to Callie's side._

_"D. C, who's your dinner companion there?!" The man asked; his loud and jovial voice almost managed not to drown in the hurly-burly of a diner in the middle of the dinner hour. _

_"Right." – The brunette smiled tentatively – "Boyd Merricci, this is my colleague…" – she looked back at Arizona – _

_- "Really Callie?!" – the blonde inquired with a quirked eyebrow and a playful laugh, the lilt of Arizona's voice amused and expectant all at the same time. _

_For whatever reason that non-committal laugh did the brunette in – ummm… I… I" – if Arizona didn't know any better she'd think 'Callie looked kind of flustered and cute… yup, she definitely looked cute.' _

_Callie took in a deep breath, though no one else could feel the sudden drop of her stomach, she felt an old nervousness that she hadn't felt in a very long time, her efforts to string a sentence together seemed to come to nought. _

_"Hi, I'm doctor Arizona Robbins" – the blonde enthusiastically shook Boyd's proffered hand – "but you can call me Arizona! And, I… uh…" – she laughed, a little nervous herself now. Form Boyd's looks and the teasing glint in his eyes as he'd been speaking to Callie, Arizona gathered that Callie was 'out' to them so to speak. At that moment a slightly disturbing thought hit her – __**'how could people resist setting up or going after a single, beautiful woman like Callie?! And a doctor to boot! Did Boyd try and set her up?! Did he ask her out?! Wait! Wait, he's too old for her right?! Right?!' **_

_"Right what, Arizona?" – asked Boyd, a tad confused. '__**Fudge a tiny bucket! She'd said that out loud! Brilliant!'**_

_"Uhh…" – the blonde cleared her throat – "her friend" – she said with a slight hesitation in her voice as she looked at Callie, waiting a few seconds for the brunette to correct her, and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't._

_"Well, any friend of Callie's is a friend of the family's, yes?" – He asked Callie as he bumped her shoulders. "Why don't you ladies take a seat at your booth haan D. C?! And I'll get you the" – _

_- "Usual, yes! Callie cut him off as she began sliding into the booth and Arizona followed suit. As the blonde sat down she remembered how they used to be one of those couples that Bailey had repeatedly made fun. She'd guessed that they'd probably sit next to one another instead of across each other. They'd both giggled nervously and said they'd neither confirm nor deny it. But, the truth was they once were that disgustingly in love couple that just made single people unhappy. She missed that! '__**She missed making single people unhappy, and now? She was one of those single, unhappy people.'**_

_As Boyd started walking away, Callie called back to him – "hey Boyd?!"_

_"Yeh?"_

_"Can we get a menu, though?"_

_Boyd, looked at them, his eyes bouncing from one to the other as a look of confusion overtook his face, he waved his hands all askance at the brunette – "but you __**never**__ see the menu, you __**know**__ the menu, you are __**on**__ the menu, Callie!"_

_"I know" – Callie replied sheepishly as she caught Arizona's intrigued expression from the corner of her eyes – "but my… dinner…uhhh… friend?" – She loosely pointed in the blonde's direction – "doesn't… so, a menu, you know? Would be nice?"_

_Arizona didn't think it was possible, but for whatever reason, Callie was even redder now. __**'Jesus, dinner friend?! Well yeah! Three years on a different continent! She should be so lucky as to be a dinner friend! At least she wasn't a dinner person or a dinner colleague.**__'_

_"Right you are! How rude of me!" – Boyd's voice boomed, jovial and light – "I'll get you menu, pronto Arizona!" – He nodded at the blonde and executed a graceful turnabout, walking away with a bounce in his step._

_Arizona looked back at Callie, after looking at Boyd walk away – "huh" – she gave a small laugh – "he's a happy one, that Boyd!" – She said trying to lighten the mood. It seemed that if ever they were left alone in one another's company, the air around them always became tensed with this onanistic anticipation. Everything seemed to speed up and slow down at the same time, and there was always this void, they'd both feel it… something was missing… they weren't quite themselves… they weren't a 'them'… maybe that was just it. Being together had felt so Goddamn natural once that everything else just felt wrong and deficient. _

_"Yeah" – Callie replied nervously._

_"Why is this soooo…" – the blonde let out a frustrated sigh – "I don't know?! Weird?!"_

_Callie quirked an eyebrow, finally looking up from the table – "you're kidding right?!"_

_"No… I mean… I get it, but" – Arizona gave a chuckle, a dimple making a short appearance as the apprehension and tension in her voice seemed to double – "we used to do this all the time and" – _

_"And __**what?"**__ – the brunette asked in a hostile hiss, her face marred with anger as she chanced a look around to check if anyone was watching them. A few years ago Callie wouldn't have given a thought to being discreet, but things were different now. __**'She was different.'**__ – "You thought we'd… what? Go back to where you were before you dumped me like day old garbage?!" – _

_ - "Calliope…" – _

_"No!" – Hissed the brunette – "don't…" – she looked around again as she held up her hand in a muted gesture, her elbows and wrists still on the table – "do not Calliope me, Arizona! What did you think would happen? I'm not… 'm not pissed anymore… but" – _

_- "Right!" – Arizona scoffed, rolling her eyes._

_"Stop rolling your eyes at me!" – Callie's sharp rebuke had her effectively stunned as she moved back into the cushiony seat – "you are soooo… ugh! Complacent! Yes!" – The brunette waved her palm around, happy with having caught the correct word out of the miasma of words that floated around in her anger addled brain. _

_Arizona bent forward and opened her mouth, as if to defend herself – _

_ - "And naïve! – Nodded the brunette – "yes! Complacent and naïve! What did you think would happen?! We'd just what?! Be in love again or something! Date? What?! What did you think would" – _

_- "I thought you'd treat me like __**a person!**__ I thought" – _

_Their heated exchange was abruptly halted by the sudden appearance of Boyd who had taken it upon himself to be their server._

_"Ahem…" – he thunderously cleared his throat, __**'everything about this guy was just big' **__thought Arizona. A quick follow up to the thought was __**'ewww… big guy stuff. What the hell was the matter with her?!' **_

_They looked up at the man, their hostile expressions melting away into timid smiles._

_"Everything alrigh,' ladies?!" _

_"Yeah…" – Callie nodded vigorously as she flashed him a genuine smile. _

_ - "Mhhhm…" – Arizona enthused; something about the man turned her fake cheer in to real cheer. He seemed to have this joy about him that reminded her of Callie, or maybe some of the kids she'd worked with over the years. _

_"Alrigh' then… Here's your order D.C…" – he said placing a ginormous burger in front of the brunette. _

_"What__** is**__ that?" – The blonde asked curiously while shamelessly taking in the aroma of crispy bacon that wafted towards her. Her mouth began to water immediately. _

_"That's a D.C!" – He laughed as he handed her the menu – "Sorry for the delay, we're a little short staffed."_

_"Oh no… that's okay!" – Boyd seemed about to apologise again when Arizona cut in again – "really! It's fine…"_

_Callie, who had been a bit busy taking in the smell of her beautifully rustic looking burger and fries looked up at Boyd as she spoke – "oh, then you won't be able to sit down for a minute, I guess?" – She asked. _

_Arizona noted the child-like disappointment on Callie's face and it kind of made her heart melt, 'but in a totally not-pathetic way.'_

_"Ey, who could say no to you?! Yea?! Who could say no to that face?!" Asked Boyd, as he gracelessly threw himself beside Arizona, effectively jostling her. _

_"You'd be surprised!" - replied the brunette with a laugh, but the edge in her voice was clearly meant for Arizona, and it did not go unnoticed by the blonde. Yup, she'd said no to Callie, a long, long time ago and it was the most costly no she'd ever say. _

_"Ey?! Seth?!" – He barked at the boy behind the counter – "I'm gonna chat up these ladies here, yeh?" – He pointed at the two women – "you good for a few?" – He looked back at them not bothering to see what Seth had to say._

_ Callie popped a fry in her mouth as she sniggered and shook her head at Boyd. _

_"What?!" – Boyd chuckled at the brunette as he wiped his hand with the rag on his shoulders – "kids today, I tell you, they make 'em too soft!"_

_"Ummm… So Mr. Boyd" – the blonde began tentatively, trying desperately not to let things between her and Callie spiral out of control and ruin the entire evening – "what's in a D. C?"_

_"Alrigh' young lady" – Boyd explained with a mock seriousness as the two women looked at him with rapt attention – "first, name's Boyd, yeh?" – _

_Arizona nodded her understanding._

_"Not Mista Boyd, not 'Sir'" – He air quoted the last word – "not" – _

_- "Boyyyyyd!" – Callie cut him off mid-sentence – "the woman gets it, just tell her the story!"_

_"You trying to get rid of me, D. C?!" – he laughed._

_"Yup, it's my mission in life! To come to your place of business, ask you to sit next to me and avoid you!" – She said playful._

_Arizona watched the back and forth between the two. Callie was so… __**Callie,**__ right now, it was just something she wanted to go on forever. Part of her was also a little jealous too. __**'What would she have to do to get Callie to talk to her like this?! She'd do anything! She'd open a diner with a partly lame, partly cool clothing accessories story and slap on an apron if she had to!'**_

_Boyd and Callie both caught her with her far off expression._

_"Hey" – Boyd bumped her shoulder, effectively pulling her out of her internal musing – "you still wanna know about the D. C?"_

_Arizona replied with a nod in the affirmative as she watched Seth bring them another plate of fries. This time, the young man set the plate in front of her and paired it up with a tall glass of soda. She nodded her thanks to him and once again looked at Boyd._

_"So, Callie was treating my maa" – he began with a jovial chuckle, and then for a moment he and Callie looked at one another as Callie slid her hand across the table that separated them and gently squeezed his hand – "thanks" – he whispered to the brunette. _

_"So" – he took to intermittently looking at the two of them as he began his tale, he was clearly happy telling a story – "like I was sayin', this woman righ' here, treated my maa, God rest her" - he crossed himself, while Arizona took notice of the fact that, quite unlike her old self, Callie didn't. _

_"And she did such a good job" – He continued – "that maa just couldn't do without calling the good doctor to Sunday dinner. Yea?" – He asked Callie, prompting her to tell some of the story as he stopped to steal the brunette's fries._

_Callie tracked his hand, narrowing her eyes at him, but didn't stop him as she took up where he left off – "Rumella" – _

_- "My maa" – Boyd cut in, and suddenly looked to Arizona – "you know what?! I'll order for you! Hey, Seth" – Arizona jerked back in her seat, surprised by how the man's voice travelled so well over the now full diner – "Hey! You get us another D. C here!" – He looked back at the blonde who looked like she was about to say something and shouted again not bothering to turn back at the counter – "and two White Russians!" – He said pushing two fingers up into the air, right above their heads. _

_He kept smiling at the blonde as he spoke next – "they were my dad's favourite! On the house!" – Arizona nodded; she couldn't do much else, except accept his very in your face, __**'literally,'**__ kindness. _

_"Can I tell my story now?" – Callie interjected with a smirk on her face, clearly amused at Arizona's surprise at Boyd's exuberance._

_"Sure, sure" – nodded the big guy._

_"Anyway, so Rumella invited me, and you do not want to say no to a Russian ex-pat who cooks like she did" – _

_- "You're too slow, Callie!" – Boyd cut in – "So she walks in, and the kids and grandkids all fall in love with her, but half of them can't say her name, so they call her D.C for Doctor Callie" – he shrugged his shoulders – "and it stuck, 'cause the toothless old geezers loved huffing out Dee. Fee! Dee. Fee! It was hila" – _

_- "Hey, if Rumella were here, she'd beat your ass from here till Tuesday" –protested the brunette._

_"Whatever, kid."_

_"So, you are literally on the menu?!" – Arizona asked the brunette._

_"Yup!" – Said Boyd – "maa put her on in there, as a gift, you know?" – He said quieter – "before she…" – his voice petered out._

_"I'm sorry…" – Said Arizona, her voice bathed in compassion – "about your mother. She sounds like a… an awesome lady…" – she nodded, throwing in a dimpled smile for good measure. _

_"Thanks!" - He turned to look at Callie, as he began to get up – "I'll let you two get back to your evening…" – he was interrupted by Seth standing behind him, mumbling something about serving the other D. C and the White Russians to the women._

_Boyd turned around and said something to him about mumbling words. Arizona was looking at Callie when she noticed the woman's face change into one of anxiety._

_As Boyd turned around to place the drinks at the table, the brunette asked in a soft voice – "Boyd?"_

_Something in her voice prompted the man to sit down as he looked up at her – "Yea, Callie?"_

_"You said they __**were**__ his favourites?"_

_"What?" _

_"The drinks, Boyd!" – She asked, her anxiousness now becoming evident as she looked into the cocktail glass. Arizona saw the brunette's grip around the glass tighten as her knuckles went white. _

_"You said he __**used to**__ like them…" – _

_- "Callie…" – _

_- "Where's Fred right now?" – She asked with an undeniable edge to her question._

_Arizona, quick to realise what was about to come, leant over the table; cupping Callie's hand on the glass, she began to rub soft, soothing circles on her hand. The gesture managed to loosen Callie's grip, as she let go of the glass and took Arizona's hand in hers. She looked up but avoided the blonde's eyes, choosing to look at Boyd instead._

_"Dad died, Callie" – Came Boyd's simple answer._

_"When?" – She asked, indignant – "Why didn't you tell me he was sick?! Why didn't you tell me __**after?**__ I would have come to the service at least…"_

_Boyd waited patiently for the volley of questions to come to an end – "He wasn't sick" – _

_- "Then what…" – _

_"The Oldtimer died in his sleep" – Boyd laughed, but it didn't quite reach his eyes – "and you knew Dad! He didn't ever wan' a fuss!"_

_Callie nodded her agreement, the blank expression on her face turning into a watery smile._

_"He lef' instructions. They said, cremate me and put me nex' to maa. They got the matching salt and pepper urns up there on the wall" – he pointed to a glass case fixed near the ceiling above the serving counter. _

_They both looked at the glass case, as Callie teared-up and Arizona thought __**'maybe it was a little unsanitary… morbid even'.**_

_"I know what you're thinking blondie!" __**'Crap, he'd caught her!'**_

_"It's sealed tighter than a nun's thighs! Don't you worry" – _

**_- "Oh my God, Boyd!" _**_– Callie slapped the side of his arm – "don't say crap about nuns! They are __**everywhere!**__" – She laughed, looking around, only half joking, and then came to a complete halt as she saw a woman in a habit four booths down giving her the stink eye._

_"Anyway, I'm sorry Callie. I should've told you…" – he gave her an apologetic smile as he started getting up._

_"I'm sorry too…" – She sighed – "about Fred, and Rumella, I wish I could've…" – _

**_"Are you kidding?!"_**_ – Boyd asked, back to his old jovial self, even though his eyes glistened – "they were married sixty two years! She went; he couldn't stay 'ny longer! It's just that simple."_

_"Okay!" – Callie nodded as she laughed through her tears and wiped her face with the napkins. _

_"Good! Now, I'll be takin' your leave! Lots to do, righ'?! You'll be okay?" – He asked Callie in a softer voice._

_"Yeah" – she laughed._

_His eyes went to Arizona's hand still in Callie's. He turned to the blonde, as he spoke – "you look after her, righ'? She's a good one, she is!" _

_"I couldn't agree more" – Arizona said with a soft smile as Callie's eyes found hers, they both kept looking at each-other when Boyd broke the spell, clearing his throat. _

_"Alrigh' then! Come around more, you!" – He said to Callie as he started walking away – "and bring the leggy blonde with you!" – He threw over his shoulders as an afterthought, unaware that both the women had hurriedly snatched their hands away and had turned red with embarrassment. _

_Callie slightly leant out of the booth shouting after him – "you know I'm going to have to get drunk right?!"_

_He stopped in his tracks and looked back at the brunette._

_"Hey, don't look at me like that! It's part of my process!" – She shrugged, as Arizona looked between the two of them. She could see Boyd was considering Callie's declaration carefully._

_"Alrigh'" – he said loudly – "I'll tell Seth to give you the keys, lock up and leave 'em…" – he hesitated and looked around – "you know where" – he said almost clandestinely._

_Callie nodded and watched him walk away with a smile. _

_"What was that about?" – The blonde's voice pulled Callie's attention back towards her._

_"I…uh…"_

_"You do that often?"- Asked Arizona, her curiosity getting the better of her – "stay back? Get into his liquor cabinet?"_

_"Don't be condescending!"_

_"I'm not! I'm genuinely curious…" – she stopped to take a bite, and hummed her satisfaction. _

_"Right…well, no… I mean… I find Joes too crowded and I… just" – she huffed, frustrated._

_Arizona could see Callie's reluctance to talk, but if they were going to get anywhere, she needed to push the brunette once in a while – "it's you Cheers" – she said with a shrug of her shoulders. Her eyes never left the burger though._

_"Excuse me? What?" – The brunette laugh-scoffs._

_"You wuw?" – Arizona swallows and gives a sheepish smile, __**'maybe she should go a little easy on the bite size?' **__– "just that, it's this place" – and she sings the rest, swinging a little in her seat and charting out a pendulum motion with the burger in her hands – __***where everybody knows your naaa-aaame! They're always happy* **__- _

_- "Okay! Okay!" – Callie hisses, cutting her off, although she can't stop the slight smile that begins to force itself on her lips – "I get it! Quit your crooning!"_

_"So?" – The blonde asks after a big gulp of soda to chase down the burger._

_"So what?" _

_"You don't like to go to Joe's and you come here, because..." – she asks with a quirk of an eyebrow._

_"I can't believe I'm doing this" – Callie huffs and mumbles to herself as she tries her hand at explaining again – "look, you're right… Joe's… I have to socialize, and here they know me, but…" – she searches for the right thing to say – _

_- "They don't pressure you to talk…" –the blonde chimes in with an understanding smile._

_"Yeah… no they don't… and when Rumella…" – Callie hesitated and tried to cover-up her unease by making it look like she needed a drink of water – "I used to come up here and explain the procedure to them." – She smiled, the glint of happiness in her eyes becoming increasingly visible to Arizona._

_"It's a friggin Leviathan, this family! They nearly took over this entire space, and then I started coming more often…" – _

_- "Anhaan, I bet!" – Arizona interjected – "free food, hot oldies, what's not to like?"_

_"Exactly!" – Callie gave a slight laugh, catching the levity in the blonde's voice. _

_"And then, I started coming here more, because I got to know Rumie more. She had read about it and…" – Callie hesitated again – _

_- "I'm sorry, read about what?" – Arizona asked the brunette, her confusion written all-over her face. _

_Callie sighed, bracing herself for where this conversation was about to go; the blonde for her part stilled in her seat, her mind wracked with equal parts curiosity and concern. _

_"The… crash…" – Callie said nervously – "…Rumie had read about it and she recognised me from the papers and the news…" – she played with the fries now, making lines in the ketchup, unable to look into Arizona's eyes and see the pity and compassion most people would show her._

_But, she continued – "Rumie… she tried to talk to me about it on her second visit, I shut her down. Became cold and kind of scary… she was just quiet throughout the rest of it, and when she left, she told me…"_

_Arizona couldn't help but notice as Callie's voice shook – "told you what?" – She whispered, her voice laced with love and concern._

_"Rumie'd been in a plane crash too… back when they were made of twigs and Styrofoam, she always said… anyway… she of course survived it…" – Callie laughed a little hysterically, but quietly, taking the blonde by surprise – "anyway!" – She breathed – "She lived through it, without help or counselling. When I asked her, she'd whisper 'sex and babies, sex and babies, and sex…'"- the brunette chuckled – "… She was a real tough lady! And real soft too… when it counted." – The brunette sniffled through another soft laugh._

_As she went to put her palm on her own cheek so she could sit closer to Callie over the table, Arizona realised she'd been crying for Rumella right along with Callie. It took her a little by surprise how much of herself, her happiness, was still invested in Callie… Callie's happiness. Now, especially after she was back and she could see Callie, hear her again… she couldn't tell why she'd ever even think to leave her. _

_Callie's words broke the blonde out of her reverie as she spoke again – "Her sister, Malvina, she died in the crash… nestled in her arms… just like…" – Callie stopped abruptly, and looked at Arizona, but she might as well have been looking through her. A near vacant look broke out on her face._

_Arizona could see what Callie couldn't bring herself to say; she didn't need to be told… She looked at Callie and she just knew. But, this… it was enough to make her afraid for them, for herself, for Callie. __**'How would they even begin to fix**__**this?'**_

_"So, how did you start coming here then?" – Arizona asked._

_Callie's face changed into a strange, tenuous smile as she realised the blonde was giving her an out. "Well, that day, she called my office, I picked up and she invited me over. She said" –Callie stopped to rub her nose – "__**'Come. Eat. Talk. Don't-ah say no to my borsch!'**__ And I couldn't stay away since. Then I came more often, they gave my own booth, and I started staying back to research cases and stuff. I hadn't moved out of the old apartment yet, so I" - _

_- "Hated going back there?" – Arizona finished._

_Callie looked at her with gratitude – "so there you have it! And I replace the booze I have… buy them a new bottle, so" – _

_"Callie…" – the blonde sighed – "you don't have to defend yourself, I wasn't accusing you… I was just" – _

_"Okay" – the brunette sighed and put her hands up, as her next words drew a smile from Arizona – "I believe you". _

_A sizable silence passed between the two as Arizona pondered the significance of the night. Callie had talked about, well, mentioned the crash, and she'd cried and let Arizona comfort her… sort of. __**'Well Shit! At this point Arizona would take just about anything, if it meant time with Callie.'**_

_The blonde couldn't stand the silence anymore and all Callie really did was pick at her burger._

_"So what's in this?" – asked the blonde._

_"Hmmm?"_

_"The D. C? What's in it?"_

_"Oh!" – The brunette marginally perked up – "its fried bacon, mozzarella, and a tomato omelette with chicken sausages, paprika, then pickles and English mustard with fried dill" – she nodded vigorously as counted off the ingredients on her fingers. Arizona looked on closely, fascinated by the work out she'd incurred from the workout gods. _

_"Oh!" – Callie exclaimed, making the blonde jump in her seat – "and a Russian-Italian hot sauce called Fred and Ginger!"_

_"It's not so hot!"_

_"Obviously! It's on the side… Not everyone can handle it, Arizona…" – she said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world._

_Arizona loved __**this**__, this side of Callie. _

_"Why is it called Fred and Ginger?" – asked the blonde, her curiosity piqued. _

_"Well, it's simple really..." – the brunette said, as she went for the sauce and dipped a fry in it, and bit into it – "cause Fred and Rumie made it, and Rumie had like…" – she moved her hands around her head – "flaming red hair!"_

_"Clever!"_

_"Don't mock them!"_

_"Right" – Arizona said, feeling a little chastised – "sorry."_

_"'S fine. Just… they were my friends" – Callie said, her voice small._

_"No, of course they were Callie" – Arizona pleaded her apology yet again – "I'm sorry…"_

_"Hmmm…" – there it was, the silence… again, but this time they'd taken to looking at one another. Somewhere in the back they heard the last of the occupants of the dinner leave, and Boyd's voice boomed – "lock up, will you?!"_

_"Yeah!" – Callie sent her answer in a loud shout across the diner, not really looking away from the blonde. _

_"So? You going to try it?" – Arizona asked pointing to the White Russian._

_"What?" – Asked the brunette still looking at her._

_"The drink? The White Russian?"_

_Callie looked down at the glass, remembering the drink. She took it in her hand, feeling it having gone a little warm, but she didn't think anything of it – "sure"._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Mhhhmm" – she replied, picking up her glass, asking the blonde to do the same with the quirk of an eyebrow. _

_They both lifted their glasses and the air between them was filled with repeated murmurs of "to Fred", "to Rumie", "to Ginger", and then they clinked their glasses, and drank; the first of many that night._

* * *

**A/N:** Seems like there will be a Chapter 8, Part III. This is nearly 5000 words! I _had to_ stop! I actually wanted to put in more of Fred and Rumie, but alas, this chapter was getting too big.

**Torturous Spoiler:** Nick features in the next chapter, not in the vein of a guest-star or what have you... But, he gets more than a mention.


	10. Hammered:Plastered::Plastered: Caked

**Eight, Part III**

**Hammered: Plastered :: Plastered: Caked**

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters belong to **SR** and **ABC**. I make not profit. No copyright infringement intended.

**Note:** Thoughts, Sarcastic remarks and Calliesque word jumbles are in **'**single quotes**'**.

Dreams and flashbacks are in _Italics. _

**A/N:** Alright, so I'm totally outfitted to write this thing! Coke and dry-salted chickpeas in tow, and the clock says three in the morning on a Monday. I hope you guys enjoy it; this one has a lot of small revelations to make a jilted lover even more jilted, but remember they have had time to get over it too, or maybe just process it.

Alright, so back to it!

**Beta:** _Darkwlight7_

_**Onward**_

* * *

_**Still Last Night At the Bar (Flashback)**_

_"No it di-id not!" – The brunette hiccuped and then erupted into a boisterous laugh. They were situated across the bar from each-other. Arizona stood behind the bar; sometime during the night they had reached an agreement that the blonde would be handling the liquor and the driving on account of the fact that Callie was really and suddenly into letting lose._

_"Ahaan!" – affirmed the blonde with a willowy laugh that gave the other doctor a tiny pause. She stood there as if she had been struck. The mild and dying lights of the night were caressing the blonde's sun kissed skin, and as a car passed by, its headlights most fortuitously turned around the corner and made a zipping pattern over the blonde's cleavage._

_Callie kept looking as the blonde went on animatedly telling her story. Her eyes alight with mirth and her hair sometimes catching the light as her hands gesticulated with a shadowy lightness._

_The brunette was jolted out of her reverie when both she and the blonde were surprised into silence by her loud hiccuping._

_"Oh, you poor thing…" – cooed the blonde as she turned around to pour her a glace of water. The brunette's eyes lithely traveled to the woman's derriere, and she let out a whispered "nah-h-ICE"! – The last syllable came out as a loud bark as she hiccuped again._

_Arizona turned back to look at her – "sure" – she said genially – "I can put some ice in there… just, wait…" – she made a show of dropping in a few cubes as she turned around and slid the glass over the counter to the brunette._

_As Callie drank the water, the clouds of booze-logic were intermittently dimming her usual powers of discernment and discretion; that almost impenetrable wall she couldn't help but build around herself, cracked now and then._

_Arizona for her part, looked immensely pleased with herself – "I'm totally good at this bar-tending thing."_

_"Yeah, okay!" – The brunette scoffed; they both shut up for a bit._

_"Are you going to?" asked the blonde._

_"No… uh, I think they've" – Callie stopped again, waiting, but then gave a tiny belch. Her face went red as she looked to Arizona with a sheepish smile – "uh" – she brought her hand to her chest, gently rubbing – "sorry about that…"_

_"It's… uh" – the blonde chuckled – "it's fine, don't worry… So they have…" –_

_- "Stopped, yes! 'M cured of the hiccups…" – the brunette cut her off –_

_Arizona spoke abruptly, a suspicious glint in her eyes – "you remember that time in…" –_

_- "Arizona…" – Callie sighed._

_- "Oh come on, you know?! You were going down on" –_

_- "Arizona, come on?" – Callie pleaded, a little embarrassed._

_- "And you started having…" –_

_- "The hiccups, yes!" – The brunette cut her off – "I remember that! And I don't think it is appropriate to" – she suddenly started giggling, giving Arizona complete whiplash._

_"You are sooooo freaking drunk!" – surmised the blonde, with a look of bemusement._

_"I know... I know!" – The brunette said between her giggle fits – "you said… ha… You said 'don't stop, holding your breath helps'"! – She laughed out in a loud yack._

_Arizona turned beet-red as she remembered the incident with electrifying vividness. As Callie sobered and her laughing fit subsided, their eyes met in a moment of silent communion; they exchanged nervous smiles and Arizona slid a little over the bar and rested her head on her fisted hand, the other hand playing with the beer nuts. They were warm and grainy and reminded her of the first time her brother and his best friend bought her, her first beer. They'd told her that drinking is an art form, and must be done with the accompanying accouterments – by which the twerps meant beer nuts and a second hand stereo. The belching competition was really classy, but when they'd challenged each-other to pee their girlfriends names in the snow, she'd left deciding she had had enough culture for one night._

_"I think I need a break" – Callie's sighed admission pulled her back to the here and now._

_"Hmmm?" – The blonde intoned. Whatever she'd expected from this night, 'bthis/b – Callie, well, increasingly plastered and loose-lipped was not it!'_

_"From drinking?" – Callie asked, a tad irritated with Arizona for not having guessed what she meant – "I need a break from drinking…"_

_"Oh… Okay." The blonde nodded._

_Callie looked momentarily like she was considering a problem, but then suddenly broke the silence – "but you weren't kidding?"_

_"About what?" – Arizona asked, now confused, she recalled that after-hours-and-in-the-barrel-Callie's brain tended to flit, __**'a lot.'**_

_"The cow and the" –_

_- "Oh yeah!" – affirmed the blonde with a mirthful smile._

_Callie looked, almost sure she was being lied to – "even the part about the" –_

_- "Especially that part" – said the blonde, solemnly wagging a finger in Callie's face._

_"So, you're telling me" – the brunette asked, looking on to the blonde's face as if she was solving some complex mathematical problem, while in truth she was looking to see for her tells – "that a cow? It did all that?! By its lonesome?!"_

_"Two words, Callie" – the blonde smirked with a quirk of an eyebrow – "The Exorcist."_

_"Huh!" – The brunette's eyes went wide – __**"wow!"**_

_**"Yeah."**_

_"I wish I could have been there to see that…" – the brunette said wistfully, her eyes glued to the bar-top as she repeatedly scratched at a stain on it._

_Arizona took in a sharp breath, feeling the almost innate and acute pain and vulnerability that one sentence was packed with. It broke her, somewhat; she had spent three years dreading the heat of Callie's ire, when really it should have been this moment, and all the other tiny hidden ones that would be the worst of it. __**'Then again, maybe she should stop – stop thinking she knew Callie at all, anticipating her every mood and reaction like they were playing chess. She had been unfair to Callie… they had been unfair to one another, but she'd stayed away. She had and that was on her… That much she was aware of… it was on her.'**_

_"I wish you could have too" – Arizona whispered, not entirely sure if she wanted to be heard._

_The brunette looked up at her, meeting her eyes and gave her a nod and a hesitant smile._

_A sizable silence stretched between the two as another lull in the conversation worked into the space between them. It was becoming glaringly obvious to the blonde that Callie was often fighting to maintain the now slipping visage of frigid rigidity under the garb of unwavering professionalism. The drinking and her muted and lingering pain over the loss of another friend, something that had not made its way into the conversation but was present all the same, seemed to work in Arizona's favor. Callie was giving things away, things she guarded under the light of day and the busy halls of the hospital and crowded space of the cafeteria. On the other hand, the blonde did not relish the thought of using Callie's state to draw her out… she felt…__**'guilty, **__'but decided to take every advantage her luck bestowed upon her. But, she would not under any circumstance take advantage of Callie, __**'not like… not like that! Never like that…'**_

_"It's okay" – the brunette sounded somber, like she had come to some understanding or made her peace with whatever it was she was talking about._

_Arizona scrunched her brow, a look of confusion evident on her face – "what do you mean?"_

_"You don't have to pretend…" – Callie hesitated, mentally chastising herself for having touched the topic at all – "nothing… I… Could you pour me another?"_

_"In a minute…" – the blonde's curiosity piqued, it was evident both in her voice and in the way she clenched her jaw that she was not about to let this go. She picked up a beer mug and made a show of pointing at the tap with it – "first you spill, then I will."_

_"It's nothing really…" – the brunette insisted._

_"Obviously, it is not nothing, Callie" – Arizona coaxed – "this helps us… talking helps" –_

_"We are not an __**'us'**__" – Callie said, resentment clearly flavoring the sentiment behind the pithy declaration._

_Arizona took a moment to recover from the sudden harshness that etched itself into the brunette's voice. The ebb and flow of Callie's latent anger and feelings of betrayal kept them spinning like a boat without a rudder on a tempestuous and vast ocean with land nowhere in sight._

_"That may well be, Calliope…" – she sighed – "but we could be… an 'us'… again?" – She said tentatively, cautiously, expecting Callie's abject denial and outrage. What came next served only to throw her off again._

_"Don't…" – vulnerability, there it was again, slow to surface, hard to read, Callie was like a magnificent, wounded animal, beautiful even when she was drowning – "don't say that!" – Her voice rose, sparking the air between them with a hurt that had festered for so very long._

_"Callie, I don't underst" –_

_The brunette cut her off, letting the veneer of her dispassionate self finally fall by the wayside as she spoke next – "Teddy told me you didn't even want to move in together! That you looked unsure! So why should I even" –_

_"When?" – The blonde barked, incredulous – "when in hell did she tell you that?!" __**'Arizona was going to kill that woman, slowly and painfully!'**_

_"A few months after you left…" – the brunette replied as she stood up off the bar stool and stepped back a few paces to put some space between herself and the blonde._

_Arizona realised what the move was meant to do, but she didn't try and get closer to Callie. She needed to give her that space; she needed to respect that space. Callie was already doing and saying more than she had been comfortable with, to push her anymore would just be wrong._

_"I didn't…" – the blonde hesitated – "God! Callie, it was so long ago! It isn't even important!" – She implored._

_The brunette stopped pacing and just quirked her eyebrow at her._

_"Right…" – Arizona gulped – "I was just… just having a bad day. You wouldn't…" – she stopped, thinking back to what exactly it was that had irked her into uncertainty; the moment of recollection evident on her face as she suddenly began again – "you wouldn't paint the walls again, change the colours or whatever, so I just… freaked. For like a second. It was just… she just caught me at a bad moment…" – she insisted._

_"But that's not all, right?" – The brunette went on; to Arizona it felt like the inquisition had only just begun – "you told her you were afraid I would ask you to marry me… or… or God forbid, I started a conversation on… on…" – the brunette hesitated and quickly began losing steam –_

_- "Kids?" – Arizona finished for her sensing yet another subject of unease and maybe pain for the brunette._

_"Yeah… that!"_

_"Callie… I… you are right… but, we had only just talked about maybe wanting kinds, and do you honestly believe we were ready for marriage then?!"_

_"I was!" – Callie's prompt comeback took her by surprise – "I was…" – Callie nodded, this time her voice calmer, but equally insistent – "I found myself looking into ring shops all the time and I thought…I thought this is it…" – Arizona began rounding the bar, she walked and took a seat on one of the bar stools, feeling like she'd been punched in the gut – "I thought I was done looking, and so I found myself staring into ring shops" – the brunette shrugged._

_"What?" – Arizona breathed out; she could feel her eyes begin to sting._

_Callie began to speak again whilst walking to a spot behind the bar and pouring herself some beer from the tap – "look" – she said with practiced nonchalance – "not like it matter anymore, right?!" – She smiled deceptively, making the blonde momentarily believe her, but, for whatever reason, Arizona saw through her this time._

_"Bullshit, Calliope…" – her tone was so matter of fact it was disarming, managing to piss the brunette off._

_- "You have no right!" – Callie pointed at her with the hand she was holding her beer mug with, beer splashed on the counter, some spilling on the blonde who to her credit did not jerk back. This was a game of chicken, Arizona knew as much, she had to stand her ground._

_"You have no right!" – The brunette thundered again – "you come back here, after __**three**__ years! Keeping a promise to a bunch of strangers while everything here went to shit!" – She banged the mug onto the table and folded in onto herself. She took her head in her hands, her face complete hidden from the other women as her words made their way out, muffled but echoing – "You __**never**__ thought to come back…" – she looked up, her eyes tearing into Arizona's soul._

_Arizona looked like she was about to say something, but the brunette never gave her a chance – "you stayed away, even after the…" – she gulped air into her lungs, beginning to get tired and feeling drained from the emotional toll this was taking on her – "even after the crash!" – She whispered the last word._

_"I… I…" – the blonde started, she was breathing quickly, blindsided by Callie's painful accusations, more so by how apt they were – "I thought… I thought if I came back… you wouldn't let me in… I would have to watch you… like that… from a distance… and I wouldn't be allowed to do… anything…you'd… you'd hate me… Wouldn't you have? Hated me?" – She ended, lamely._

_"Huh…" – Callie scoffed – "maybe" – she sighed – "maybe I would have hated you… but… but you would have been there…You would have been there…"_

_- "I know…" – the blonde sighed her agreement – "but, Callie… it does matter!" – She said fervently – "because… I… You were still waiting for…" – she hesitated – "hoping I'd be there" – she finished, knowing what would come next._

_"It would have hurt less you know?" – The calmness in Callie's voice threw her into another tailspin._

_"What do you… what do you mean?" – She asked with a sea of anxiety lurching in her stomach._

_"Nick." – One word, one very potent, near disastrous mistake on Arizona's part._

_Arizona knew Callie. No matter what the trauma, what the changes? She knew some things would be near unforgivable or maybe completely so. Deception would be on top of that list._

_"Callie…" – her voice trembled – "I know… I know I was wrong to…" –_

_- "Yes you were!" – The brunette cut her off – "it was low of you, Arizona… to think so little of me… Was the thought of talking to me so painful that you had Nick and Teddy lie to me?!"_

_"I just… I just wanted the best for my friend, Callie…" – she swore – "please! You… You have to understand! If you could do anything" – the blonde hesitated – "anything to have Mark back…" –_

_- "Don't" – Callie hissed at her, leaning forward on the bar top her eyes alight with silent rage – "you wanted to talk? We are talking… but Mark is… he is mine to keep… Do not bring him into this. Say his name one more time tonight, and I will leave so fucking fast your head will spin…" – __**'Vicious… Callie was vicious right now'**__ – "get it?!"_

_"I…uh…" – the blonde faltered._

_"Answer me!" – Callie barked; the end of her aggression nowhere in sight._

_"Yes!" – Arizona squeaked._

_"Good…" – Callie retreated back, picking up her mug and draining it._

_"Callie…" – she chanced speaking again after watching the brunette gulp down almost the entire mug in a matter of seconds – "you have to believe me" –_

_The brunette talked over her – "I don't have to do shit!" –_

_- "Calliope… I only wanted what was best for him!" – She insisted, a little louder now – "and I didn't want you hurting or distracted, because…" –_

_- "You weren't planning on coming back" – she was cut off again._

_"I was!" – Arizona fought to talk over her – "I was… just… just not yet! All those kids… they depended on me, Callie! It wasn't just being a doctor, I had to be a social worker, an aid worker, a relief worker… it was… I couldn't drop it, I made a commitment!" – She stopped, waiting for an answer._

_"You could have called! We could have been talking, meeting up maybe…"_

_"Now who's being naïve?!" – Arizona accused._

_"You know what?!" – Callie scrunched her brow while she blindly and with dissipating dexterity, poured herself another beer – "fruck you!" – She stopped, looking a little confused – "fruck you? That's not… fruck you!" – _  
_The brunette became increasingly frustrated – "fruck… fruck it! Screw you!" – She nodded, now satisfied – "Screw you for leaving! And screwing you for coming back!" – She bellowed._

_"I know…" – Arizona began – "I know I screwed up with Nick! I know that, Callie, I" –_

_- "You sent him to me! And you had him lie about the referral, Arizona! And the guy was a hippie idiot!" –_

_- "Hey!" – The blonde's protest was short lived._

_"He was!" – Callie countered – "a complete imbecile! He talked about his best friend, __**'Thomas'**__" – she air quoted the name – "and then gave me the designation of the ranger troop Tim belonged to! He always answered your calls with a loud - __**'Yo! Pheonix!'**__ Not really that hard of a code to crack, if you ask me! And he thought non-bathy yoga with smelly people would cure his cancer! I had to __**amputate!**__ He was" –_

_- "an imbecile…" – Arizona agreed; she had no choice but to agree._

_"And you had Teddy lie to me!" –_

_- "I… I am so, so, so sorry Callie! I'm sorry that I left, that I didn't comeback, I'm sorry. But I'm…" – she bravely moved forward taking Callie's hands in her; the brunette's hands twitched and went rigid, forming a fit inside Arizona's but she didn't retract them – "there is no good enough excuse… except that it was my duty. They were my duty, my responsibility, and" –_

_- "I wasn't…" – Callie finished._

_"No!" – Arizona jumped in – "that is not it at all! I… uh… I knew… everything that was going on with you…" – Callie looked at her with rapt attention and utter curiosity – "…especially after the crash… the moment they found you, I knew… and I thought… I thought you were okay…" – she breathed, thinking how stupid she had been –_

_"I thought you were okay physically and so…" –_

_- "so that was enough…" – Callie cut her off – "by your standards?! That was good enough?!"_

_"Of course not! I was going to come… to… to hop on a flight to Seattle and rush over here, but then… there was an emergency, a fire at the school nearby, and by the time I was done… I started… I started…" –_

_- "Thinking?" – Callie asked with a knowing smirk._

_"Yeah" – Arizona said in a whisper._

_"That was always your problem…" – Callie stood up straight, extracting her hands from the blonde's hold while Arizona internally lamented the loss of contact – "you always thought too much" – she shook her head, pulling in the last of her beer._

_"And now you do…" – the blonde ventured._

_"Hmmm?" – Callie asked whilst putting her mug down._

_"Think" – Arizona said – "you think too much. You measure, and calculate and weigh and… you never just __**react**__, you… you used to be visceral… I … we… everyone loved that about you!"_

_"Sure they did!" – The brunette scoffed._

_"We did!" – Arizona insisted – "we __**do!**__ But you? You hide! You" –_

_- "Do you know what my first thought is when I wake up in the morning?" – The brunette stopped her mid-sentence._

_"What?" – Arizona asked suspiciously, a little taken aback by the forlornness in the other woman's._

_"When I wake up, I think – I wish it was me…" – Arizona's gasp was near deafening in the silence – "… I think, I wish I were dead instead of…" –_

_- "Callie… I…" – Arizona's voice shook with fear, anxiety; with anticipation for whatever was to come next. _  
_**'Did Callie try to… but, that's impossible right?'**_

_- "I'm not suicidal" – Callie was quick to say it, before she'd be misunderstood – "I just… I wished it was me, but I know I need to keep going. I have known for a while."_

_"Why?" – Arizona's question prompted a look of incredulity from Callie; the blonde having the decency to look sheepish, continued – "I'm glad you did… keep going… do keep going, I just want to know…"_

_"Because…" – Callie hesitated, trying to find the best way to put into words how she felt – "…because April and Mark? They don't get to… because it would be disrespecting their memory" – her voice cracked – "if I don't live… they would have traded anything for this… for life…" – she cried._

_Arizona nodded her understanding, both of them crying silent tears._

_"So, it doesn't matter that you were scared that I wouldn't… I don't know… that I would be angry… everything seems stupid now; pointless and small. The truth is we fell out of the sky and you found a way to stay out of it, so…" -_

_- __**"This is not living…"**__ – Arizona cut her off, her heart was full of a chilling kind of dread and unease, it felt like Callie was about to wrench her out of her life forever… she had to stop this – "it isn't!" – She insisted._

_"Don't tell me how to handle this! You don't have a clue how I" –_

_- "Because you won't tell me! You won't tell anyone! You hide! Like a freaking ostrich with its head in the sand! You could be thriving, we could be together, we could be happy, we could be" –_

_- "I can't give you what you want!" –_

_"You won't even fucking try!" – The blonde countered._

_"I don't know what you want from me! I don't know what the hell you want from me!" – Callie cried._

_**"Everything!"**__ – Arizona sighed with undeniable reverence in her voice – "I want everything from you. We'll ruin each-other, you and I… we'll just… we will!" – She said like a prayer. The insistence behind it, the earnestness with which Arizona said it, took Callie completely by surprise._

_"I can't…" – the brunette shook her head as she trembled visibly – "you are asking too much… I can't… I can't…" –_

_- "Then…" – Arizona hedged, careful of Callie's shaky state – "then… start by… by being my friend."_

_Callie looked up, a shocked expression on her face – "Arizona…" – she sighed… -_

_- "Don't" – the blonde began – "don't think… just, let me do this… for you, let me be your friend, Callie, please!" – She softly implored, her voice begging – "let me do this! __**I can do this!**__"_

_"Maybe…" – Callie whispered._

_"Yeah?!" – Arizona asked excitedly as she ran around the counter, standing face to face with the brunette._

_"I said maybe" – warned the brunette._

_"Oh Callie!" – The blonde jumped, her arms stretched out, moving in for hug. But she was blocked on both sides by Callie's strong OrthoGod-Surgeon arms, as the brunette groused – "I. Said. Maybe."_

_Arizona backed off, happy to get just that much – "yeah… yeah…"- the blonde nodded – "right…of course… we'll do this your way!" – She still couldn't keep the smile off her face and out of her voice._

_Callie gestured for her to go back to her seat on the other side of the bar as she spoke – "now… I don't want to talk…" – she said, sounding drained – "I don't want a peep out of you!" – Arizona nodded, near comically – "I want to drink till right before I drop, then you'll drive me home…" – Arizona was about to speak, but Callie spoke as a preemptive measure – "the address is in my phone, the password is… it's the same…" – she said, suddenly shy._

_Arizona smiled, feeling oddly comforted, but Callie glared at her with such intensity that it did not last long._

_"And…" – the brunette continued – "you can take the guest bed."_

_Arizona nodded again._

_"Now, where did you keep the whisky?!"_

* * *

**Now We Resume Our Regular Programming (Present Day at Callie's)**

"So?" – The blonde asked; expectant, as they both now sat at the breakfast bar.

"Mhm…" – Callie replied, managing to rile up the other woman.

"That's all you have to say to that?"

Callie just shrugged her shoulders, knowing full well it was driving the other woman up the walls, all the while she was smirking into her tea.

"So? You don't remember any of it?"

"I remember some of it…" – answered the brunette.

"Which part?" – She pushed – "like… like the friends part? Do you remember that?" – She asked not so subtly.

"Some of it, I guess…" – the brunette smirked – "the part where I asked you to shut up… that rings a bell" – she said as she started loading the dis washer – "and the part where you put _me_ on the couch…" – she said accusingly.

"Right" – Arizona scratched her head, a sheepish look on her face – "right, yeah, you just dropped there, like a sack of yams…" –

- "flattering!" – mused the brunette.

"Right…" – the blonde blushed – "I _am_ sorry, you know?" – She said suddenly serious –

- "I know" – Callie replied.

"For more than the couch… I am sorry for" –

- "I know" – the brunette said knowingly.

"So?" – asked the blonde, trying to overcome the sudden wave of awkwardness they seemed to be drowning in.

"Friends, haan?" – Callie asked skeptically.

"Yeah" – Arizona beamed.

"Okay…" – Callie nodded with a hesitant smile – _**"friend"**_ – _'God! That was weird on her tongue!'_ – "Please leave now so I can get some sleep and work on Esmeralda."

Arizona gave her a questioning look.

"My new vintage Jag…" – Callie replied.

"Oh" – Arizona nodded – "can I watch you work on…" –

- "Nope…" – Callie replied as she started to forcibly walk her out of her house, picking up her purse and coat on the way, and giving Arizona the keys to her T-Bird.

Arizona began walking to the car, feeling a little disheartened, when Callie's loud voice suddenly stopped her.

"Hey, Arizona?!"

"Yeah?" – She asked apprehensively as she turned back to look at the brunette.

"I'll see you at work?" – Callie asked, her face not giving away a thing.

The blonde cracked an understanding smile, eyes a-glinting, and dimples popping into place as she covered her eyes from the sun – "yeah!" – She laughed – "I have your car after all!" – She shouted glee evident in her voice as she held up Callie's keys to make her point.

"Yeah, okay…" – Callie said lamely as she watched the blonde almost race to the car with pep in her step.

Callie breathed out loudly as she walked inside and closed the door by leaning back on it. She shook her head as she realised she was smiling a small goofy smile. _'Callie Torres did not do Goofy!'_ She mentally chastised herself, but smile, she did as she pushed off the door with one last thought about Arizona. She quietly laughed the word "Dork!" into the air, feeling a lightness she hadn't in a really long time, as she pushed off the door to go about her day. She only hoped that _this_ feeling, this happiness, whatever it was… wherever it came from… that it would last.

* * *

**A/N:** Thanks to my Beta and friend for all her hard work! Chapter Nine is around the bend... I'm not going to make it easy for them. Let me know your opinion.


	11. The Friendship that Never was

**Nine**

**The Friendship that Never was: A Quandary for the Ages**

**Disclaimer:** All characters and the show belong to SR and ABC. I make no profit. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Glad to write a chapter that is not a flashback!

Also, sorry for the slightly depressing opening short piece titled **_'When the Hand & Glove...'_**, but I thought it simple but befitting. It, I think, sets up one part of the polemics I'm kind of working with here.

Thoughts, sarcastic comments, Calliesque word jumbles are in **'**single quotes.**'**

Dreams and Flashbacks (& sometimes tonal emphasis in narrative and dialogue) are in _Italics._

Some spellings may differ on account of me being Indian and growing up with the Queen's English.

**Beta:** _Darkwlight7_

**Read, Review and Enjoy!**

Guys, honestly, not get reviews is a little boring... I can see ppl are reading because of the F&Fs (which I know sounds offensive, but I meant follows & favs), but still would be nice to get feedback.

_**Onward**_

* * *

**_When the Hand and Glove have had Enough_**  
_  
Ice can only be so cold,_

_Fire, only so warm._

_I can only love you this much,_

_And only for so long._

_- Pasha D._

* * *

The spot on the wall was _interesting_…so very…interesting. It was unique in that, it wasn't like its other brethren; it didn't taunt her or make her skin crawl or push her to breakout the industrial strength cleaner neatly tucked in her hallway closet. She was staring at it, especially _because everyone else? _Every other person in the entire hospital had been kind of starting at her. And in the lounge, staring at the spot, she was taking a break from being stared at.

"Your coffee?" – asked Yang with a tone that was meant to bathe the entire exchange with an air of indifference. But, Callie _knew _Cristina.

"What about it?" – She asked with a practiced apathy as she still almost prayed to the spot on the wall.

"It has a stethoscope drawn on it." – Yang droned, although a note of amused curiosity made its way into her voice.

Callie turned the cup, squinted at it, and there it was. _'That squiggly bastard!'_ She took a sip form it, sighing at the fact that spot-watching had led to her coffee becoming lukewarm – "yes, that would be a stethoscope" – she noted – "by_ some_ standards…low standards…poor standards."

"The girl at the coffee cart crushing on you, Torres?!"

"Ummm…" – her eyes shifted from the wall, and were now stuck on the cup as she started turning a little red.

"What's happening right now?" – Yang lent forward on the table between them, trying to get a closer look at the other woman – "Is that… fuck me! Are you _blushing?_"

"Huh… as if!" – The Orthopod scoffed unconvincingly – "no! Hell no!_ Hell to the no!"_ – She said, feeling lame immediately after.

_"Hell to the no?!"_ - Yang scoffed - "What is wrong with you today?" – She asked mirthfully –_ "Oh my god!_ – "Did coffee cart girl ask you out?! Did she?"

"What? No!" –

- "Don't even Torres!" – She pointed to the cup – "that is nerd love! You know that _right?_"

- "It's… it's just whimsical…" – Callie defended lamely.

"Dude! You _have to _get on that!"

"What are you channeling Mark now?!" – Callie asked both amused and incredulous.

And just like that, the wide playful smiles they were sharing, the light conversation; the sense of normalcy… it disappeared like a puff of smoke into thin air. Their smiles were slow to dissolve into a shared sense of guilt and defeat as the two women looked away from each-other.

Cristina took to scratching the label off of her flavoured water as she slumped forward, making sure to avert her eyes from the woman in front – "You…uh…miss him, at all?" – She asked shakily, not sure if it would set Callie off; hoping that it wouldn't.

Callie took in a sharp breath and paused, letting the impulse to snap pass as she quietly replied – "sometimes more than others…" – she said – "of course, I miss him."

Cristina shook her head a little in understanding – "I'm…" – she waved her hand around a little, how awkward She felt becoming more and more apparent – "it was a stupid question."

Callie put a hand on Yang's wrist, the gesture prompting the other woman to look up at her – "it's okay… I mean… we could talk about… about Mark… and… and April too" – she gave her a thin tremulous smile as she quickly added – "sometimes" – while taking her hand back.

Yang gave a nod – "I guess" – she said hesitantly, looking sceptical.

"Besides…" – Callie began as she brought the cup to her lip – "the coffee is _fromArizonaAnyway…_" – she mumbled quickly.

Yang scrunched her brows, _'she was sure she heard her say the coffee was from the child-whisperer! She also made sure to rethink the nick name… it sounded all paedophile-like'_ – "back up a little?!"

"Hmm… what?"

"Goldielocks is buying you coffee now?" – She sounded indignant. She had no clue why she was sounding indignant!

"Don't call her that!" – Callie lightly chastised – "and, it's**_just_**coffee!"

"Yeah" – Yang scoffed – "with a side of let me do your doughnut!"

_"Ehhh-wwww!"_ – Callie laughed, couldn't help herself –and FYI? We're friends… well… I guess trying to be… a little…" – she huffed – "sort of friends…" – she tapered off, confused by Yang's blank, impassive stare.

In reality, Cristina's brain just kind of imploded, a tiny bit - _"You've got to be…"_ – she shook her head – "Callie?"

"Yeah?" – It seemed they were being serious again.

"Are you…" – Yang hesitated, almost completely unwilling to show her concern, almost – "are you absolutely sure?!"

"About what?" – The Orthopod asked with a shrug of her shoulders; she was the picture of calm obliviousness.

"That you have a brain!" – Yang barked, infuriated by Callie's… _well…_ blasé blankness with this whole thing – "About _Her!_ About, Robbins! Who else would I be referring to?!"

"I don't get" –

- _"Pft! _That much is evident!"

"Don't get testy with me…" – Callie said with hint of irritation in her voice – "you want to say something, Cristina? Just come out and say it…" – she nodded encouraging the other woman.

"Alright" – Yang huffed – "I don't like her" –

- "Cristina" – the other woman sighed, only to be cut off before she could say much –

"I don't!" – Yang put up her palms as she went on to speak in a matter of fact tone – "for whatever it's worth… I don't hate her… but, I don't like her either" – she finished.

Callie waited for her to say more, but it seemed like Yang was going to play it close to the vest for now.

"I'm not going to just fall into bed with her, you know?" – She said, thinking how weird a conversation this was, especially considering who she was having it with.

"I don't care if you bang her!"

"Okay."

_"I don't!"_ – Yang insisted a little too loudly for both their liking.

Callie looked back over her shoulders to see if anyone heard them – "I believe you."

"I just… you know what; it's not the falling into bed thing that has me…" –

_- "worried?"_ – Callie cut in – "that's so…" – the brunette smiled mirthfully – "that's so _sweet!"_ –

The younger surgeon suddenly looked like a bullet about to leave the barrel of a gun, brim full of potential energy, ready for a kick in the butt – "alright! That's enough talk for this week, wouldn't you say?!"

She was almost out of her seat when the Orthopod changed her tune –"hey!" - She was doing an excellent job of keeping a straight face – "I'm sorry!_ Okay?"_

Cristina kept walking towards the door as Callie turned around in her seat and called back to her – "Yang! Look, I'm sorry…" – something in her voice was entirely different – placating, insistent, vulnerable; whatever it was, it made Yang turn back and silently sit down in the chair again.

Callie's eyes tracked her every move as she noted Cristina's winning smirk, it pissed her off some… but she got that beggars and choosers, make winners and losers, although not quite in that order.

"Okay, enough" – Callie glared.

"What?"

"The thing… _that_ thing your face is doing? Make it stop…" –

- "Okay… okay…" – Yang replied, trying to school her features.

"So?" – The Orthopod droned, trying to sound disinterested

"So what?"

"The… the – it's not an issue of whether or not I fall into bed with her? – thing" – she kept tapping her coffee cup for emphasis and also for partially distracting herself from the conversation she was _voluntarily _having – "explain that… more."

They let a few beats pass as they were slowly and increasingly beginning to realise just where this entire conversation was going. Callie was feeling pretty hot under the collar, whilst Yang was hoping the ceiling would fall on Callie, or something less dramatic… like one of them would get paged.

"You've had just sex, right?" – Cristina hedged; _'Yup, this was happening… they were __**talking**__… like actually talking!'_

"No!" – Callie squeaked – "I haven't… I'm not going to!" – She struggled – "I'm… I haven't slept with her!"

"I know that… _sort of…_" – Yang said, a little frustrated at being misunderstood – "I mean in general… You've had sex for… _you know?_" – Her hands flapped around a little for emphasis – "just sex!"

"Yeah…" – Callie nodded and pursed her lips, thinking – "I mean, sure! Who hasn't?!"

"True…" – Yang affirmed mundanely – "…but you can't have _just sex_ with Blondie Robbins,_ right?!_" – you have all these gross feelings for each-other…" –

- "Well… _huh_…feelings… for each-other?!" – Callie had the decency to look a little flushed – "I mean… not really, not anymore…we just" –

- "Okay, Torres…" – she said a little sternly – "no offence? But I call bullshit! _She?_ You have feelings for!" – They were at a stalemate as a stare-off ensued.

"Okay!_ Jeez!_ Fine… it's hard around her, okay? It is hard" –

- "That's what she said!" – Yang cut her off with an oh-so-winning smile that pretty much prompted Callie to wallop her in the arm. To her credit, the she resisted it successfully.

"Cristina…" – the brunette sighed – "please…" –

Judging that the moment called for something more serious and less juvenile, Yang spoke – "okay… Jeez… I give…"

"So you were saying?" – The Orthopod asked cautiously, weary of the other woman's commitment to keeping their exchange serious and mature, and_ well_, useful.

"Right…" – intoned the scalpel junkie – "see, you and her? You can't be friends, because" –

Callie talked over her, wagging her finger in her face – "_what?!_ We are _adults!_ We can be" –

- "Nope!" – Yang cut her off, nodding – "you _really_ can't. And here's why… everything is too familiar with her…" –

- "But it's not though; not anymore" – Callie interjected.

"Yes it is! At least physically…" – Yang countered – "think about it?! How easy would it be?! You two are alone, being **_friendly?!_**" – She made sure to air quote the word for Callie's benefit – "and it can be anything… whatever turns lesbians on… and you're knocking your clams or oysters or what have you!" – She said, looking almost gleefully at Callie's slow journey to realisation.

"But… but… we… I…" – The Orthopod sputtered, completely at a loss for a legitimate rebuttal.

_- "Annnnd"_ – Cristina stretched out the word, milking the moment for all it's worth – "she looks at you like those starved little children she was treating! So?" –

- "That's… that's not… it's… offensive…" – Callie finished lamely.

_"Whatever!_ She wants in your pants, and it gets even scarier…" – she mocked the brunette as she laboured to sound like a camp councillor telling a horror story to a bunch of pimply, lily-livered ten year olds – "Goldilocks wants in your home, and in your bed, and in your heart and in your head" –

- "Okay, okay! Stop!" – Callie implored feeling a little overwhelmed by it all being laid out like that. In theory, she knew what Arizona wanted… the blonde confessed as much. She wanted _everything,_ but that was all so abstract and in the future and Callie was confident she could say no; that she _would_ say no. But, now after Yang's little ditty, she was freaking out again.

"Anyway…" – Yang sighed, getting up and shooting the empty bottle into a trash can –**_ "yes!"_** – She celebrated her slam dunk – "these hands are magic baby!" – She looked back at Callie who looked a tad catatonic – "I have to, you know, go? Got an awesome valve replacement…" – she started walking off as she continued talking to herself – "maybe there'll be like a tear or a tumour…"

Callie was forced out of her growing freak out as she heard Yang hope for complications – **_'the fuck?!_**' – She thought – _'taking relationship, well, non-relationship advice from Yang is like cooking a pot of rice six feet away from where the fire was lit! It was frigging useless!'_ - Somewhere in the back of her mind, she also noted that she might be hungry. '

She leaned forward, her elbows on the table, her fingers intertwined, her chin on her hands locked together as she went back to watching the spot. The suddenly it struck her… _**all of it**_… what Arizona said and didn't say, what Yang said, and most importantly, how she herself really felt about the whole thing.

The spot on the wall was slowly blurring as she squinted her eyes, thinking really hard, when it all came together and fell apart in one instance – "Well… _fuck me!_" – She sighed as she threw her face onto the table.

* * *

"So? What do you think, Dr. Robbins? This plan sound okay to you? I mean, it's minimally invasive and the risks are lower? What do you say?" – Asked the Good-Shepherd, good-naturedly. It was clearly a nickname Meredith had loved to hate, and also encouraged around the hospital, because then she got to be the bad one between the pair.

Shepherd, Bailey and Robbins stood there looking at the scans and the three dimensional images trying to agree on a treatment plan for their common patient.

Arizona looked deep in thought and had their rapt attention when she finally spoke – "I think Callie did her hair today…" –

_- "Excuse me?! _– asked Shepherd, completely lost.

-**_ "Oh Lord!"_** – Bailey face-palmed.

"Mhhm…" – Robbins looked at them in earnest and with a striking innocence that made her blue eyes twinkle – "Oh, right! The plan's awesome!" – She chipped in – "Now… Did you two notice her hair is different?" – she kept rambling.

Shepherd looked at Bailey nervously; pleading with his eyes.

"Oh damnnit! _Fine!_" – The chief barked – "go! Go file the treatment plan, or something!"

Shepherd zipped out of there as fast as he could – "thanks!" – He threw over his shoulders.

"Arizona…" –

- "I know… I know she does her hair every morning, but she did it _differently today_" – the blonde continued with a rueful smile – "today she did the way I like it… Do you think she was thinking of me when she…" –

- "Arizona?" –

"I mean I like it every which way! She could shave it off and I'd still…" –

"Hey!" – Bailey finally had to shout and snap her fingers at the blonde with the single minded focus on her hair obsession.

"Right…" – Arizona said sheepishly – "the treatment…" –

- "Is sorted" – Bailey interrupted – "now tell me what the hell has your damn baby saving brain short-circuiting?!" – She huffed.

_"Really?"_ – The blonde asked excitedly, until the suspicion crept in – "wait! You're always telling me to keep it to myself, what's the catch?!"

"No catch. I'm the chief; you'll make everyone's ears bleed! I'm simply… taking one for the team!" – replied the General surgeon.

"So this is for the good of the hospital?" – asked Arizona, detecting the distinct odour of bullshit.

_"Precisely!"_

"So, you're saying…" – The blonde began only to be cut off in the middle.

The chief started beating the retreat – "never mind, if you don't want to" –

- "_No, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait!_ Bailey _come on!_ I'm sorry! You are an excellent chief" – she said as the women started walking back towards her.

"Mhhhm…" – The chief let lose some 'tude – "you best believe it! Now spill and be quick about it" – Bailey glared – "and Oh! Keep it clean!"

"It's nothing _really…_" –

- "Good, then I can leave…" – began the chief –

- "_No!_ I mean…" – Arizona smiled sheepishly – "it is something…"

The chief nodded, silently asking her to continue.

"Callie and I… she… we decided to be friends… we've been being friends for a few weeks" – the blonde beamed, even if she sounded a little apprehensive – "but, we… I was thinking maybe… maybe I could ask her out, you know? Just… in a while I mean" – she said excitedly – "soon-ish, maybe?!"

Bailey balked at the woman.

"_What?!_ Don't look so… I don't know… like I have a clown nose or something! I mean, Callie and I are… you know… it's what I want!"

"Arizona?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I just say something" –

- "Yes, of course Bailey! Why else would I be talking to" –

- "Quiet!" – Bailey barked at her sternly. It reminded her of Mrs. Demaun, her teacher in grade school – "That woman _needs_you…" –

- "I know!" – The blonde implored – "it's why I'm" –

- "Are you light in the head, Robbins? Or just that stubborn?! _**You**_ want to be together! _**You**_ came back!? **_You_** want to ask her out! **_You _**_must be kidding!"_

"Hey!" – Arizona protested; her protest cut short by the once famed Nazi.

"She's barely here, Robbins! You keep mooning at her, looking at her, but you aren't even **_seeing_** beyond the surface half the time! She can't talk about the crash or her kid…" –

"What kid?!" -Arizona asked, feeling a sudden hot knot form in the pit of her stomach.

"That's not… it's not my place to say… I shouldn't have" –

- "Bailey! _What kid?!_" – Arizona repeated, incensed.

"Look…" – said Bailey, now calmer – "I already said too much" – she huffed –

- "Bailey! Just…" – Arizona looked to be on the verge of tears – "I went to her place, I looked around… she doesn't… Callie doesn't have kids… I would… she would have told me by now if she…" – she meant it as a statement but it came out like a question packed with a reprehensible amount of doubt.

"And that's part of the problem…" – the chief replied balefully – "ask her… I mean… built up to a place where you can ask her Robbins."

"Yeah, okay…" – the blonde replied shakily.

"I mean it Robbins… You want to date her, or want her back, or whatever the hell you want to call it?! You need to do it with your eyes open… She sedates herself on flights now. She spends her Saturdays in a bar full of people sitting next to an empty seat… She's been telling you she's not the same, but I don't think you get it."

_"I do!"_ – Arizona insisted – "I do, Bailey… I…" –

- "You want to fix her? You want to change her?" – Arizona was about to protest when Bailey stopped her – "look, you love her… that's plain as day" – the chief gave her a sympathetic smile – "and that's good… that… that _helps_. But, you can't rush this… and you _can't_ rush her! The woman you loved? Part of her disappeared, and you can't look at her and miss **_that_** woman. It will kill Callie! You have to bother to get to know her!"

"I want to… of course I want to" – Arizona interjected lamely, half afraid that Bailey was right, that she was rushing things… that she was being selfish.

"You want to be her friend?" – Asked the chief; the blonde nodded vigorously, her eyes shimmery with tears – "then **_be_** her friend, even if all you want to is**_all of it!_** Deny yourself, don't play games with her… but, let her come to you… stop asking her for things, stop expecting things from her! Let her tell you what she needs…" –

- "And what if she doesn't want me anymore" –

- "Then make sure that that's what she really wants… needs… and leave her alone! And if she wants to be with you, you'll feel it… for real… there won't be any doubt or hesitation… and she's a big girl… when she gets there? When she gets that confidence back, she'll tell you…" –

- "But…" –

- "_She will!_ Robbins, it's still her…" –

- The blonde scrunched up her forehead in confusion – "but you just said…" –

- "Mostly" – Bailey cut her off – "it's mostly still just her. But, you have to let her be… let her figure it out, and **_stay_**" – the chief hesitates – "even if it's hard as hell… this time, you stay. And make sure she **_knows_** you're staying…" – her voice softened now – "everything around her kept falling apart. Can you imagine living like that?!"

"I…uh…" – Arizona again balked at her own naivety.

"Make sure she knows your sticking around this time, Robbins…" –

- "Yeah…" – the blonde let out a long breath – "I will…" – she cracked a thin and hesitant smile as her tears made it past the corners of her eyes, falling rapidly.

Bailey reciprocated by rubbing her arm a little – "Okay, then… I'll… I have to get home to Tuck…" – she started walking towards the door.

"Thanks…" – Arizona said absentmindedly as she went back to thinking about Callie.

"Well, _fuck me!_" – She whispered thinking to herself that she'd have to go back to the drawing board.

* * *

**A/N:** After the last few chapters, I needed to work with some of the other characters. And, Yang and Bailey are my favourites! And, I also needed a break from Callie and Arizona together (sounds weird, I know, since 'm writing a C/A fic) but I needed out of their heads for a bit.

Also, Chapter Ten is ready and at the Beta's. I do have a question for my readers... After Chapter Ten, which is a resolution to this friendship-non-friendship limbo I have them so uncomfortably dawdling along in... I want to do a slight time jump (a month, or two) so we can really bite into the meet of Callie revealing her issues etc to Arizona and them getting to a norm where they can **_think _**of **_maybe _**being together... Lauren will play a role (I'm just saying! *Non-committal shrug* It makes for good drama)... Anyway, are you guys game for the time jump then?


	12. A Dry Run to the Real Thing

**Ten**

**A Dry Run to the Real thing**

**Disclaimer: **All characters and the show belong to** SR** and **ABC**. I make no profit. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Thoughts, sarcastic comments, Calliesque word jumbles are in **'**single quotes.**'**

Dreams and Flashbacks (& sometimes tonal emphasis in narrative and dialogue) are in _Italics._

_Some spellings may differ on account of me being Indian and growing up with the Queen's English._

_All mistakes on this one are mine._

**Read, Review and Enjoy! – No reviews = Boredom, which makes me blah about writing, so reviews please!?**

**Also, double feature right?! I mean, two chapters in one day?! How awesome am I?!**

_**Onward **_

* * *

She had been thinking to herself. The only way she found she could do that was by, _well,_ keeping to herself. Callie walked the halls of the hospital hurriedly with a bundle of files cradled in her arms. Her mind alternated, buzzing with thoughts of cases and case files, research and paper work, the joint meetings with Colonel Powell from and the FDA, and that _speech_… and **_Arizona_**. She was thinking about the blonde and herself, and expectations. All those coffees and the friendly walks around the hospital and outside on the grounds; she had thought they were a no strings deal, because she didn't have the foresight, even with the foreknowledge that Cristina so rudely threw in her face. The coffees were _so not_ without strings! They were totally strung, like a freaking instrument; an instrument of the long-gamed-slow-sweet-sweet-seduction. The coffee was insidious… it was evil coffee with an agenda. She had been having _agenda coffee_ for weeks, without even thinking about it! The coffee was –

- "Hot!" – The cheery call came from behind the brunette.

- "Crap!" – Callie jumped a little, dropping all her files, startled by the voice in her ear.

Arizona rounded the other woman, now facing her; she was crouching down with a sheepish look on her face as she set the coffees down and made quick work of trying to help Callie set her files straight – "Cal!" – The blonde gave a sorry huff – "I'm… sorry, I was just trying to offer you some coffee… I didn't know you'd" –

- "It's fine!" – Came the sharp reply, startlingly acerbic – "Arizona…" – the brunette sighed, frustrated – "leave it!" – She pushed her hand away a little – "I can do it myself!"

"Callie, I'm just trying to help you…" – Arizona regarded the other woman with momentary apprehension and surprised confusion. _'Things had been better between them for the past few weeks hadn't they?'_

The bustle of the four hands fighting in a confused frenzy on the floor trying to right the papers led to a conclusion that was almost inevitable. One of the Styrofoam coffee cups fell over spilling hot coffee on the papers and brunette's hand. Callie retracted her hand with a surprised screech as she flung her it inwards, clutching it to her chest and cradling it like a baby bird.

_"Damnnit, Arizona!"_ – she barked at the blonde, bitter passion written all over her face as Arizona looked on perfunctorily, her mind acknowledging only that she hadn't seen the brunette this animated and agitated in a long while.

"Fuck! I have a surgery in like…" – Callie stopped to see her wrist watch – "twenty goddamn minutes! And my hand is scalded, I…" –

- "Callie…" – the other woman's tone had an apology written right into it as she scurried to right the rest of the brunette's papers – "I'm really sorry, I just" –

- "**_Save it!_** I…uh…" – the brunette began losing steam as she went back to collecting the papers and shaking the coffee off of them– "it's…uh… it's fine, really…I" –

- "We'll… I'll get it sorted, okay?! I promise you!" – Arizona insisted with a slight and thin smile as she nodded vigorously at the brunette. She leaned forward her hand slowly sailing towards Callie's injured one – "just… just let me take a look?" – She asked tentatively.

Callie reeled back, standing up ram-rod straight – "don't touch me!" – She hissed as the other woman followed her lead, standing up.

The blonde looked stricken, but tried approaching the other woman once again – "Callie… look I'm sorry… just let me…" –

The brunette took another step back, and put up a hand between them, silently asking Arizona to stop in her tracks. She brought the other hand up to her face, covering her eyes as she shook – "just…" – her voice cracked; Callie was losing it, and she was losing it fast – "…just please leave it alone,**_ okay?"_**

The brunette looked up, meeting Arizona's concerned and waiting eyes – "Callie… I don't' understand…" – she cut herself off as her mouth hung agape at the sight in front of her. Callie's eyes were bleary and red and barely holding in the tears. It became blatantly apparent that the brunette was trying to keep in the raging emotions that knocked her about on the inside; she felt tight and wound up like a clock.

Worst of all, Callie felt naked and exposed in front of Arizona, to whom her mental state was no longer a mystery. The aberrant nature of whom or what she'd become was suddenly taking a bow, centre stage. She looked at the toddling coffee cup on the floor despairingly, as she thought to herself – _'fucking agenda coffee!'_

Arizona seemed to have woken up from a haze, as she witnessed Callie run a gamut of emotions, fast, and discreetly and respectfully worked to decipher each and every one of them – "Callie… look _I'm sorry_… I'll just… You go, and I'll bring this all to you in your office, Okay?" Before the brunette could protest, Arizona cut in again – "You have to tend to you hand and shift your surgeries… that was really scalding coffee right there" – she pointed to the floor –

- "I know how hot it was, Arizona!" - Callie retorted, bating the other woman.

"Okay…" – the blonde nodded tentatively, conversationally and mentally stepping over that bear trap – "then you know that you have to take care of it, _right?"_

Callie for her part looked mad as hell; all she really needed was cartoony puffs of billowy smoke and fire overhead. But she nodded reluctantly.

"Okay then!" – Arizona slowly began her descent, crouching on the floor as she began to gather the papers. She looked up to see Callie's feet still planted firmly in front of her. Her eyes travelled to the brunette's face – "come on Callie, get a move on…" – she pleaded.

"An intern could do that you know?" – Callie's voice was a mix of curiosity and anger.

"I know." – Arizona's reply was succinct enough to let Callie know the impending danger of her forced participation in another**_ 'conversation.'_**

"So… why don't you let an intern do it, then?!"

"Callie…" – Arizona looked up from the floor and into her eyes again – "just go, okay?"

_"Fine!"_ – The brunette barked, executing a crisp one-eighty on her feet as she began her staccato march to her office – '_fucking agenda coffee!'_

* * *

As Arizona walked the passage way to Callie's office, she could see the brunette looking out the glass wall of her office that looked on the grounds below. Arizona came in, unceremoniously dumping Callie's files on her office desk. The loud thump jolted the other woman out of her pensive state. She turned around with a look of fear coupled with surprise; her hand on her chest as she sucked in a long breath.

The blonde looked up at her, a little taken aback by how jittery Callie had become. She put her hands up in a gesture implicitly indicative of surrender – "I'm sorry Calliope… I just can't seem to get anything right today."

Callie motioned for Arizona to close the door behind her as she took her seat at the desk a little too officiously for Arizona's liking. The blonde needed the other woman to openly tell her whatever it was that was bothering her. Callie seemed to have developed a very short fuse and she seemed really high strung, and this in turn made the blonde uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry" – Callie began, sounding business like – "for my behaviour outside…" – she leant forward on the desk with a professional, almost determined look; steeling away her emotions – "I shouldn't have…" –

- "What's going on Callie?" – Arizona cut her off, not at all happy with how _this_, whatever it was, was going – "It was entirely my fault. I mean, we both know I was just trying to be friendly with the coffee, but… yeah! _I_ made it worse. You have nothing to apologise for! But…" – she hesitated – "we both know that _this_" – she waved her hand between the two of them – "whatever this is? Is not about spilt coffee. So?" – Sighed the blonde – "what is this really about?"

"I think we should stop." – Came the brunette's placid reply; if ice could burn, that is what Arizona felt at that moment.

"I'm sorry… I'm a little confused… stop what exactly?"

"The…the … the coffee thing…" – the brunette said as she looked at Arizona expectedly; she hoped that that was enough for the blonde to catch her meaning.

"Ooookay…" – Arizona smiled cautiously – "_so?_ We had a bad experience with coffee" – she said with put on nonchalance – "we can switch beverages… something cold… You _know_ I'm a spiller… I've always been a" –

- "Arizona…" – Callie's sigh cut her off. The brunette looked into her eyes; Callie's eyes had a sudden quality to them, they were soft, but foreboding – "You know what I meant."

"Callie… come on!" – Pleaded the blonde.

"Just for a while… I need to stop… it's messing with me, Arizona. I _need _to stop."

"Yeah?" – The blonde almost goaded Callie with the sudden harsh tenor of her voice and the hardness in her eyes – "and what's the alternative Callie?"

"Please… Just hear me out…" –

- "Callie…" – Arizona cut her off with a soft sigh – "I _want_ to help you!" – She said, her hand thumping her chest with insistence – "_I do!_ And we'll do this your way, but" –

- "Then leave me alone!" – Callie cried – "_that's_ my way! That's what I need!"

"No." – Plain as day and clear as water.

"Arizona! Please… I can't deal with your…your expectations…" – the blonde's determined look was moving towards one of recrimination – "don't!" – Callie barked, now wagging a finger in Arizona's face – "don't look at me like that! The coffee, the small lunches, the calls at the beginning and at the end of the day, the walks?! You're doing all this because you're expecting us to get back together! You want us to get back together! You" –

- "Huh!" – The blonde scoffed – "of course I want that!" – She said matter of factly – "anyone would want you back, Callie, you – "

- "Don't!" – Callie's voice cracked in a whisper; she cleared her throat, venturing to speak again – "don't make me into some ideal lover bullshit! Don't you fucking do that!"

"Ideal?!" – The blonde raised her voice for the first time in a long time – "I know this isn't ideal! What, are you joking?! I'm the bitch that just dropped you like a hot frigging potato at an airport without a job and an apartment, and then I didn't even call you when they brought you back from a" – her voice broke as she rubbed her stinging eyes with the heels of her palms – "a fucking plane crash! There are no heroes here! And no bloody fairy tales… Just some really fucked up people trying to make things right!" – She panted, having poured her heart out.

"You never swore so much when we were together…" – the brunette said, sounding meek and completely at a loss.

Arizona smirked – "that's what you got?" – She raised her eyebrows at the brunette – "from all that?"

"I still think" –

- "Callie?" – The blonde huffed – "Whatever it is… you can… no you know what?! You _should_ tell me! Whatever has you scared or riled up? You should tell me. I can help, and if I can't… I can listen…" –

- "Arizona please just let it" –

- The blonde cut her off, shaking her head as if to say 'no' – "I'm not letting this go."

'_I'm not letting you go…'_

"Arizona…" – She looked up to see the blonde nod her encouragement – "You **_want_** things from me, right? Or am I nuts? Or… or am I being full of myself here? Presumptuous, even?" – She stopped, looking at the blonde expectantly.

The blonde sighed; frustrated – "I'm going to need a little more to go on Callie" – she looked at her askance.

"You said that day that you…uh" – the brunette hesitate – "that you wanted everything? Or did I imagine that?"

"I did." – The blonde answered her in a calm, matter of fact fashion.

"But, I can't **_be_** with you… I can't really be with anyone…" – Callie said with a nervous smile – "You know that right? I can't"-

- "Maybe not right now, Callie, but…" –

"No! Arizona, maybe not ever… What if I can't give myself to you like a normal girlfriend, or wife?! Or heck! Even just a friend?! I can't take it! I can't take not being able to give myself, and promise myself and be the person you _need_ me to be. That person is gone… I can't" –

"That's what this is about? That's what's got you freaking out? And writing me off?"

"Don't dismiss my shit!" – Callie cut her to the quick.

"'M not… I didn't mean to…huh!" – The blonde stopped and took in a big gulp of air, readying herself for whatever Callie would throw at her next – "just because I_ want _those things? Doesn't mean I _expect_ them, Callie… I'm not some devolved Neanderthal…" –

Callie looked confused – "but" –

- "Shush! I'm talking" –

- "Did you just shush me?!" – The brunette asked with an amused sort of incredulity.

"Yes…" – Arizona smirked – "yes I did! Now, I'm talking…"

Callie nodded her consent but otherwise remained quiet.

"Okay… awesome… so I…uh… I want you. Every way possible, all the bad ways and the good ways, and the" – she smiled with a flirtatious glint in her eyes, making Callie hot and uncomfortable all at once – "really, really bad ways" –

- "Arizona" – The brunette chided.

"Okay… okay… and so yes" – she shrugged her shoulders and gave her an _almost_ crooked smile – "I want you, but that doesn't mean that I'm expecting anything! And" –

"But… I don't" – Callie sighed – "I can't watch you like that… looking at me like that, and… I don't want to be the person that holds you back, I don't want to" –

- "Anyone ever tell you, you worry too much?" – Arizona laughed mirthfully, but there was a muted sadness in her eyes.

"Arizona, please… just be serious? Don't laugh this off! Let's just …" –

- "I'm not dismissing anything, Cal!" – She shot back, as she nervously ran her hand through her hair – "look? If you want me to lie and tell you that I don't want you, or that I'm not in love with you? You'll just have to wait all your life, okay?" - and just like that, the blonde had surprised them both, she'd said it like stating what time it was or what day of the weak it was – that plain, that simple, and _just_ that obvious.

"But, it also doesn't mean that I'll hate you for not giving me what I want… And…" –

- "You won't?!" – Callie asked; a note of surprise and vulnerability in her voice.

"No!" – Arizona replied promptly – "No, Callie, _of course not!_ This is… we are different now, okay?! I won't ever demand anything of you, ever again!" – She breathed heavily; a soul wrenching reverence in her words – "I won't push you, but I won't stop asking either" –

- "I don't" –

- "You'll tell me if you want…when you want… and if you decide you don't want to be with me, then I'll… we'll… I'll let go… but you have to _make me _believe it… because otherwise…" –

The brunette looked at her curiously as she asked – "otherwise what?"

"Otherwise, I'm never leaving you, ever again… I'll stay here, and be your partner, your lover, your friend… anything you want… all you have to do is ask me, and maybe answer me when you're ready to?"

Callie quirked an eyebrow, as she thought it over – "so that's it? Just talk, and be friends…" –

- "Only if you want…" – the blonde answered quickly.

"And you won't be upset if we…" –

- "Not with you… Callie, never with you… You… this was a trauma… I'd never blame you for something that happened **_to_** you. You didn't ask for this, and I've been naïve; it's ludicrous to think that you should_ just_ tell me everything or magically get over it… I get that now… I'll" –

- "You'll earn it?" – Callie asked as if it were a foreign concept.

"Yes…as long as you're being fair… it's a" –

- "…two way street…" – Callie finished for Arizona.

"Yeah!" – Arizona smiled a reassuring smile. She was rewarded with Callie's smile in return.

"You know I'm a mess, right?" – Callie asked with a huffy laugh that ended in a choked cry.

"Yeah, but you're never boring…" – Arizona laughed as well; her eyes though were pinched shut as she tried to keep from crying.

"Oh-khay…" – Callie sighed, nodding her head.

"Yeah… and you won't…" –

- "No Arizona, I won't wimp out!" – The brunette finished.

"Callie, c_ome on_, I'd never say that…" – She insisted, pleadingly almost – "I'd never…" –

- "I know!" – Callie cut her off.

They both hung around a little longer till Arizona remembered she had an elective in fifteen minutes, and got up to leave.

"Arizona?" – The brunette called her back with the detectable notes of hesitance and panic in her voice.

"Yeah?"- The blonde turned back towards her, her hand poised on the door, almost as if she was bracing herself for the impact of whatever it was that Callie was about to say.

"I'll tell you… some of the stuff… slowly…" – Callie took in a deep breath and shuddered as she nervously pulled her hair into a bun. Arizona knew it was part of her ritual when she was readying herself for tedious and mind numbing paper work.

The blonde gave her a weak smile – "yeah?"

"Yes" – Callie nodded – "but, I'm _afraid_..." –

- "of what?!" – Arizona cut her off.

Callie gave her a plaintive look, even though a small, almost invisible smile hung loosely on her gorgeous lips – "I did things… out there, when we crashed, and then when I got back… things I wouldn't have done if…" –

- "Whatever you did out there?" – Said the blonde – "It got you back to me…" – she cleared her throat as she caught herself, '_way to not put pressure on her superstar!'_ – "to us! So I'm not even going to…" – she sighed, letting that though hang in the air.

"And as far as everything else goes? I love you… and I know you don't believe me right now? But I love you, whoever you are now… so I'll trust that you had your reasons when you did these things… _Okay?"_

The brunette, unable to choke back her tears any longer, finally gave in. She hunched over, her elbows on the table and arms taut as she buried her face in her palms and shook with silent cries. Arizona stood there, watching, unsure if it would be okay to offer physical comfort to the brunette yet even though she was dying to give it. They'd have to figure all that out as they went along.

Callie looked up as she took a big gulp of air while rubbing her face – "okay…" – she nodded, giving the blonde an almost imperceptible smile.

"Yes?" – The blonde enquired.

"Yeah" – Callie answered. They both kept looking at one another as a moment of mutual understanding slowly mutated to one of awkwardness, till the blonde's pager started up – "oh! Callie, I should…" –

- "Yes, of course… and I have…" – she pointed at the piles of files on her desk as she gave the blonde a casual shrug.

Later that evening, as Arizona scrubbed out of her last surgery of the day, she saw a text from Callie asking her to dinner at Tie#92 with a promise of a free sandwich on the house. She agreed immediately because her mama had taught her that it was impolite to leave your friends hanging.

* * *

**A/N:** I was hoping to set clearer boundaries for the two women to be able to navigate what is to come next, and also shed a little light on where Callie's apprehensions lay. I hope I did that justice. Next chapter will see a solid time leap, otherwise I'll keep writing this fic well into the next month! Which I'm sure will be just 'yikes' for a lot of you.


	13. Love in the Time of Rebecca Black

**Eleven**

**Love in the Time of Rebecca Black **

**Disclaimer: **All characters and the show belong to** SR** and **ABC**. I make no profit. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Thoughts, sarcastic comments, Calliesque word jumbles are in **'**single quotes.**'**

Dreams and Flashbacks (& sometimes tonal emphasis in narrative and dialogue) are in _Italics._

_Some spellings may differ on account of me being Indian and growing up with the Queen's English._

_All mistakes on this one are mine._

_I personally hate this chapter… I think my writing here is weak… _

**Read, Review and Enjoy! – No reviews = Boredom, which makes me blah about writing, so reviews please!?**

* * *

"So?" – She said panting as she let go of her entire body. Every bone, muscle, nerve and sinewy part of her body felt hot and flushed, buzzing with the rush of being alive. They were both sweating as the brunette smiled above her.

Callie inhaled deeply, a smile plastered on her face. Of late she'd be rewarded for whatever reason with these moments of peace that forced her into a happy sort of blankness. It was this place where everyone stood right before they had to think to form a thought or an opinion; a moment without a motive. Something that _just was,_ till it wasn't; really, it was like everything else if she thought about it. But, the beauty of it was that she didn't have to.

"Yeah?" – She huffed as she bent down with her hands at her sides.

"You do this…" – Arizona panted again as she lay sprawled on the grass – "almost every day?!"

"Mhm" – the brunette replied as she sat on her knees. It seemed like the thing to do – "You are soooo out of shape, Arizona" – she poked the blonde in the side as she keeled over, falling on her back with the sky above her, putting her arm under her head.

They had been meeting one another, sometimes for just a measly fifteen minutes in a day, just to say hello. On other days it was longer; dinner outside or a small lunch on their breaks overlooking the park. Arizona didn't know it yet, but this was the first time Callie had invited her, _really invited her_ into something that was almost a ritual to the brunette. The morning run helped her cope; it actually kept the possibility of sinking into a depression at bay.

But, most of all, it gave her these days where everything at least just looked perfect. The sunlight swam around in the breeze and stuck to her skin, and her hair fell out of her ponytail in long wisps and tickled her ears. But, this was also something she'd done with Mark, granted with him there was a lot of pushing and shoving, and laughing and they'd rate the wares the park offered up every morning. So it was both really; the fact that all this could just stop one day, just fall away without a warning, and the fact that till it didn't, it was there for the taking. Life and death were banging and echoing together under the smiling sun.

They both lay there a while, silently as heavy panting turned into smooth and relaxed breathing. Callie turned on her side and looked at the dishevelled blonde who lay on her back. Arizona's bright red face had cooled down to just that light pink that made her look like the most happy, sleepy, beautiful person ever.

Callie sighed as she drank her in. It was a moment of in between-ness for her. They'd been doing this for almost two months now, and Arizona had been respectful and **_platonic._** She's never pushed Callie, and mostly the blonde did a lot of the talking. Sometimes Callie would surprise them both by daring to dig beneath the available and tacit surface to that deeper self that was ephemeral and shifting and hard to describe.

Today, after months and months of therapy, and talking and trying to just barely manage things of her own, the brunette suddenly felt ready. She felt at home; she had a nagging feeling that it wouldn't last, that she couldn't trust it to last. But, while it was there she decided to put it to good use.

Her hand as if possessed made its way past Arizona's cheek and she gently shifted a short and billowy lock stuck to the sweat on her face. The touch stirred the blonde as her eyes shot open, she hadn't even looked at the brunette, and Callie could read the faint and fast questions, and surprise making their way into them.

As the brunette tucked the hair behind her ear, Arizona turned just her face towards the other woman with a dazzling smile plastered on it. She may not know what exactly was going on with Callie, but she could tell that things were changing… Callie was changing and things between them were changing into something stronger, something better than before she left…

This love she felt for Callie, now, right at this instance, was a different kind of love. When she'd landed in Seattle after wrapping Malawi up, all she wanted was to get Callie back. She thought that was the key to both their happiness. But, now it was different. _This_ was different. She could be happy for Callie, even if the brunette finally chose not to be with her; it would kill her, but she'd still be happy.

"What?" – Arizona laughed quietly.

"I think" – Callie sighed as she spoke again – "I think I'm ready to talk now…"

"Callie" – the blonde's smile broadened – "we have been talking" – now she too had turned on her side as she supported her weight on an elbow. They were face to face.

"I know" – the brunette nodded – "but… I want to tell you… more."

"Yeah?" – Arizona asked, suddenly feeling like a charged grenade had gone off in the pit of her stomach.

"Yes" – Came the brunette's serious reply – "I want to… I'm… I'm ready" – she nodded.

"That's" – Arizona swallowed, trying to contain herself – "that's a good thing right?"

Callie, for the first time in a long time gave her a complete, free and unadulterated Calliope Torres patented house of crazy happy joy smile – "yeah!" – She laughed; her eyes glistened but the rest of her felt freer and lighter. She knew; they both knew that they still had a long way to go, but this was something good, something to look forward to.

"Yeah" – she repeated – "it's great! It's brilliant!"

They both kept smiling at one another and Arizona moved her hand from the grass to place it over Callie's.

The brunette's smile faltered a little as she looked at their hands, but Arizona wasn't deterred, and Callie didn't move away either. But, it somewhat broke the spell.

Callie looked up – "but I don't know how much I'll be able to" –

- "You could sing the lyrics to Friday and I'll sit there and listen to you!"

"Okay!" – Callie jumped up sprightly – "enough of that!" – She gave the blonde her hand – "come on? Let's go!"

_"Whaaaaat?!"_ – The blonde whined all the while taking Callie's proffered hand and pulling herself up – "look!" – She pointed over to a drier patch – "that guy's selling waffles! Com'on!" – She jocularly punched the brunette in the arm – "let's go stuff ourselves?!" – She asked with a pleading smile.

"One? _Owww_! What wet noodle hits like that?" – Callie asked, surprised with the amount of force the blonde's punch packed – "And two? No. I just ran so much so that I could drink! Not stuff my face with whip cream and processed sugar!"

"Fine" – Arizona pouted for good measure.

"So?" – Callie asked as the two of them fooled themselves by 'stretching', knowing full well they were going to be eating waffles in the next ten minutes.

"Hm?"

"What did you mean by lyrics to Friday?" – Callie asked without a hint of humour in her voice.

"Oh. My. Good!" – The blonde looked at her gob-smacked.

"What?" – Callie stopped, Arizona's impression of a goldfish drawing her attention.

The blonde took out her earphones and gave Callie one, putting the other in her ear, she dexterously put the song in question on her ipod.

Callie put the ear piece in, her face burning with attentive curiosity, as the two of them began walking again – side by side at a leisurely pace.

Arizona kept looking at Callie's face for that moment in the song that would have Callie want to slaughter a village or whatever other madness that would come of it. The blonde was leading them, but Callie gave her a slight tug, turning them in the direction of the waffle guy.

"Arizona!" – _'And there it was!'_ Callie yanked the earphone out of her ear as if it'd burned her – "Why in the world would you have this song on your ipod!?"

"A kid gave it to me!" – The blonde defended, knowing it wasn't much of defence at all.

"_Okay?!_ But, why have _me_ listen to it!?" – Callie asked, equally amused and infuriated.

"Just proving a point!"

"What point could a song like that possibly prove?!"

"That you could sing Friday to me and I'd still stick around…"

The brunette gave Arizona a smile that made her uneasy. Callie leaped forward and turned face to face with the other woman, jogging backwards – "Is that a challenge, Robbins?" – She asked with a quirked eyebrow.

_'Fuck! Callie looked like sex incarnate right now!'_

"It is what it is…" – Arizona said feigning confidence with a nonchalant shrug.

"Friday… Friday…" – Callie began, but then some old lady's tiny dog began yacking at her – "oh damn!" – Callie stopped abruptly.

"Dog's got good taste!" – Arizona laughed.

"Whatever!" – Callie looked at her, feeling more than just a little embarrassed – "I don't even know the lyrics!"

"Trust me Callie…"- The blonde doubled over with laughter – "that is a good thing."

"Yeah… yeah…" – the brunette gave her a mock glare – "let's just get you stuffed, okay?"

"Sure…" – said Arizona as the brunette turned, joining her on her side yet again – "lead the way!"

* * *

They sat on a bench together, side by side, enjoying their breakfast in silence. This bench was situated over a picaresque rolling hill, a little higher and farther ways away from the walk way.

Callie looked at the blonde; she was biting into her food with single minded focus and determination. The brunette felt a deep and abiding affection for Arizona that she didn't quite know where to place or what to do with anymore. It made her feel odd and awkward sometimes, but other times, like right now? It would all become devastatingly simple… she was in love, and that was the beginning and end of all her problems. Because, even though it was getting easier… it wasn't entirely so… and she wasn't ready, by any stretch of her imagination to do _that!_ But now? Now she could at least entertain the idea of not being so… so alone.

She smiled to herself, a small private smile, as she leant her head on her fisted hand, resting her elbow atop the backrest. She had silently decided that it was, in fact, time to let someone in; someone who she paid in waffles and her company, instead of her friendly neighbourhood mental health specialist.

"Ahem" – Callie cleared her throat._ 'A well respected and classic prelude to any serious conversation.'_

Arizona turned towards her with an unassuming smile on her face – _'success!' _thought the brunette.

"What's up?" – She stopped to wipe her corner of her mouth, _'whip cream just gets everywhere.'_

"I'm…uh…I'm going to talk now."

"Okay" – Arizona looked at her with rapt attention.

"Annnnd…" – Callie scrunched down breaking eye contact between them as she rubbed her thighs; nervous energy coiled in her stomach – "I'm going to do that _right now_" – she nodded to herself.

"Mhm…" – Arizona nodded and mimicked the brunette's position. She bumped her shoulder and without pretence or any agenda wrapped their arms together as she took Callie's hand in hers. _This_ she had earned. They'd been more open with their affection, and even though they had talked about Arizona's time in Africa with interest and no animosity, the blonde had realised that mostly she'd be the one carrying the weight of the conversation. It wasn't tedious; it was just _a little new_… But the brunette did surprise her on some days when they'd have their old rhythm down; it was near flirting, and just very comfortable. This seemed to be one of those days and holding Callie's hand just seemed like the thing to do.

The brunette gave a nervous chuckle – "any minute now… 'M going to be talking… words are going to just… just pour out and make sense! So much sense that you'll be confused!" – She scrunched up her face realising just _what_ it was she had been saying.

"I'm sorry" – she huffed – "Arizona, this is…it's hard…talking about the crash is tough…" –

- "Then talk about something else that's tough" – the blonde suggested as she genially tugged Callie playfully – "but, you know? Not as tough, and you can…" – she nodded like she'd had a brilliant idea – "you can build up to feeling comfortable with the crash thing… Does that…I don't know? Does that make sense?" – She asked, her voice tapering off, heavy with scepticism and doubt. Was she pushing Callie too, much too soon?

Callie looked up at her sideways, a thin smile on her face – "yeah" – she gave a tiny whimper – "I think I want to get some of the stuff out of the way?" - A sudden nervousness crept into her voice and on to her features.

"Okay?" – Arizona gave her an encouraging but nervous smile as well, nodding in encouragement – "so? Do!"

_"Right!"_ – The brunette gave a sardonic chuckle – "too much foreplay?"

"Callie" – the blonde sighed, desperately trying to hide her exasperation – "if you don't want to" –

- "No… no… I do. _Just that_…I feel all this nervous energy all of a sudden…" – their eyes went to her restlessly bouncing leg – "huh…" –the brunette scoffed at herself as she began standing up – "you mind if we do this walking around?"

"Not at all" – Arizona sprang up, and as they began walking side by side, she twisted the corner of Callie's running jacket between her fingers. The blonde held on, almost as if she were stealing herself away and maintaining a connection to Callie, all at once.

"Mark had a really small funereal…we were all still raw" – she scoffed – "_really_ raw from it, and I was about to start on working on how to get Shepherd his hand back… so… he had a small funereal."

The almost dead silence that grew between them after just that; not really a confession of any kind, just _something_ – a tabulation and conclusion of a middle aged man whose only religion was mirth, youthful indiscretions without youth as an excuse and his own brand of devotion to his friends. But, it was so much more than Callie had given her in the last two months. Mark was a touchy subject. As the silence continued, it seemed more and more out of place in the middle of a cheerful and sunny Seattle morning.

"That's the night that you got blind drunk, right?"

"Ummm… yes" – Callie nodded, throwing a thin lipped smile her way. The blonde's attempt at making light did not go unnoticed by her, but fail, it did.

"But, we had like a memorial for him" – the brunette continued – "a few months later; for Kepner too."

Arizona wanted to say something… anything, but the only things that came to mind sounded trite and condescending in her head. Whatever would she say – _'that sounds nice? You were a good friend to him?'_ The truth of it was that she was never too close to Mark, and you couldn't pay her a million dollars to make her say it out loud, but _'on most days she saw how Callie laughed around him, and she'd caught him looking at her a certain way. It wasn't cheap, or crass, although he did that too… but sometimes it was something you could call longing; but then she thought that everyone from the bag boy at Big Buy to the his mother was looking at her ex. She…she resented him; not hate, not dislike… it was quite simply resentment. She didn't bear him any ill will, and certainly not __**this**__, and to see Callie all broken up over it, over him… seeing her like that was a different kind of torture. She felt the hurt…Callie's hurt, but it was like she was a trespasser of sorts, she couldn't claim it for herself. She would only take what Callie would let her, and keep the rest locked away… that was her job now.' _

"Anyway" – the brunette's sigh pulled Arizona out of her thoughts – "that's the day it started…with…with Karev…" – Callie stopped walking once she realised the blonde was no longer next to her.

A quiet and confused – "what?!" – prompted the brunette to turn back and face the other woman.

"Callie?" – She scoffed in disbelief – "_what_ started?! Are you saying what I think you're saying?!" – The blonde's heart was pounding in her ears, and she felt her stomach lurch a little. She'd known that _'Callie and Alex had had a thing eons ago, but that was before! Before he was her protégé and kind of like a nearly senile wounded dog she had nursed to health, except for the crankiness which was just permanent…'_

She could see the colour rise on the brunette's face – "you said… you promised me! You said you wouldn't judge!"

Callie was tense and her muscles – taut, she looked like she was just about ready to take off like a shot.

_"Woah!"_ – Arizona put up her hands. She was wearing an expression of incredulity – "hey! I am **_not_** judging… I'm… I'm processing!"

"Yeah, right!" – The brunette scoffed as she began to walk off. The blonde immediately took a hold of her shoulders and put herself in Callie's way.

"Hey! _No!_ Okay? No way!" – She shook her with urgency – "You do not get to do that! Look at me!" – The tension between them slowly ebbed as the brunette gave into Arizona's request and looked into her eyes.

"Calliope, you just told me… _just now_… that…that you slept with my student…so be fair, _okay?_ – Her voice had a gentleness it that gave Callie pause – "You **_want to_** talk about this" –

- "I'm not sure I do, Arizo" –

- "Yeah you do!" – The blonde insisted as she joined Callie on her side and urged her to start their meandering again – "you wouldn't have mentioned it if you didn't" – silence, then a sigh – "you know you wouldn't have, Callie…"

"Okay" – the brunette answered with a nod, and continued –"it was a couple of times…" –

Arizona kept from whimpering and groaning her displeasure at this whole ordeal… _'Callie and Alex, or Callie with anyone else and the involvement of… of… intercourse',_ she though begrudgingly,_ 'was just every bit as harrowing as she had imagined. It was the stuff of nightmares.'_

"…and it was… the first time was just… it wasn't all the way, but then I guess…I guess he felt comfortable with me" – the brunette shrugged her shoulders, waiting for the blonde to say something_… anything._

"What?! He couldn't find _anyone else_, any other person on the planet to get comfortable with?!" – It was much more acerbic than she'd wanted to let on, but it was how she felt.

"Alright! Let's get one thing straight?!" – It wasn't as harsh as it was matter of fact, which was what was so devastating about it – "I'm not… I don't answer to you. I haven't in a very, very long time. So don't get prissy with me! I thought this is what you wanted, you were begging me to" –

- "It is what I want!" – Arizona countered – "but I'm still in… I still have… I care about you, o_kay?"_ – She finished lamely – "I care about you, deeply, and in a way that makes me want to…to…" –

- "Never let me have sex with anyone else?!" – Callie smirked, but it was plain she was baiting Arizona…challenging her.

The blonde sighed – "something like that."

Callie broke the short silence that followed - "Arizona? What do you know about Alex? I mean, how much do you know about what's happened with him after the crash?"

"Ummm…just that he left about four months ago and I took his slot… We haven't kept in touch, so…"

"Oh…" – Callie sounded surprised – "he was dating someone… a blonde, I forget her name… I think it was Lucy something… They'd been living together, it was serious."

"Alex? Karev? Alex Karev was…" –

- "Yup" – The brunette replied – "but after the crash, she had to… it was really ugly" – she waved around, hoping to find a sensitive way to say the rest – "I was catatonic" – she whispered it like it was some secret shame – "and Alex… his leg… later when I saw his case, I knew they couldn't have done a thing for him… _nothing_."

"Callie…" – she whispered, dread creeping into her voice – "what are you trying to say to me?"

"It was… thank God it was a below the knee amputation. Lucy… she had to take the call…" –

- "_That's just_… what about his family?" – The blonde asked disbelievingly.

"There wasn't any time, and you remember him having any reliable family really?" - A little girl running by crashed into the brunette; her mother a few steps behind was immediately ordering her to apologise.

Callie let out an "uff" but made a quick recovery. She watched the little girl lisp out a "sorry lady", and the smile on Callie's face as she watched the kid was unlike any other. Arizona felt an immediate and intense pang from just watching the scene unfold. She couldn't really tell what it was she was feeling, except that she was afraid of what she'd come up with if she even tried to understand it.

"Right!" – Said the brunette as she smiled, watching the little girl trot away – "anyway. He cut her out of his life like you wouldn't believe! She was… chick was weak, or…" – she sighed – "I don't know! Who am I to judge, right?!" – She shrugged.

"Mhm" – the blonde agreed, nodding.

"So she left, and I helped him out, and down the line… one thing led to another and we… and then he just left…" –

- "What do you mean 'he just left'?!"

"I mean… he just left… called me over for a nightcap… told me about leaving, gave me a cheque for the hospital, thanked me, hugged me, and left."

"Okay…" – Arizona nodded – "that isn't so bad…" –

- "Ahem!" – The brunette cleared her throat; the silent conversationalist's threat was immediately heeded.

- Right! Yeah, I mean… that's not anything… You leaned on each-other" – Callie quirked an eyebrow – "right! Bad choice of voice, considering…" –

- "You're freaking out… You said you wouldn't freak out…" – the brunette said with an annoying sing song lilt.

"No… absolutely… I'll stop now… I can't believe this happened with Alex and… and no one thought to call me" – she said, thinking aloud – "I mean, he wasn't just my student you know?! He was… he was the next me and my friend…" –

- "Yeah well" – Callie cut her off with a short, bitter laugh – "I used to be a lot more than that, and you didn't" –

- "Callie…" – Arizona sighed, her tone pleading. They had talked about this; endlessly talked about it. The brunette kept saying she was over it, but they both knew better. Though dissipating, some days Callie's anger and bitterness would get the best of her. The blonde couldn't be sorrier, but somewhere Arizona knew that a part of her stood by her decision. She couldn't have done anything for Callie at that point. _This_ was their pattern, the vicious cycle of misunderstandings and miss-communiqué that they would have to fight to break _together_, if they had even a shadow of a chance.

"Yeah" – the brunette sighed – "I know… _I'm sorry"_ – she gave Arizona a tiny smile – "I'm working on it."

"Okay" – suddenly something struck Arizona – "so, wait a sec though! You don't… I mean you don't, and you _shouldn't" – _the blonde looked queasy for a second, almost like she'd swallowed her own tongue – "feel guilty about sleeping…" – she flailed her arms about her – "the Alex thing." – She said flatly – "So then why are you…" – it was then that the realisation hit her like a two tonne truck – "you blame yourself for not being able to fix his leg?!" – She asked completely outraged,_ 'someone had to be!'_

The brunette looked away – "not entirely, but if I hadn't" –

- _"If you hadn't what Callie?!" _– Arizona cut her off – _"been in the fucking plane crash!?_ _That's…that's just" _–

- "_Crazy! _I know! Believe me, I know… but it's" – she sighed, running her hands through her hair, tugging at the base of it – "…it's how I feel… not all the time… but sometimes."

The blonde nodded – "I guess…" – she was oscillating between confusion an understanding till – "_no…_ 'M sorry I don't think I could get it… I mean… 'm learning really fast that, probably the only way I'd know how you feel is if I was on that plane with" –

- "There are a lot of things I wanted you around for, Arizona…" – Callie sounded almost infuriated as she cut the blonde off– "but, that day? On the plane? I remember thinking, _'I'm glad Arizona walked away…'_" –

- "Callie, I…" –

- "Don't" – She heaved a sigh – "let's just… let that be, leave it there, okay?"

Arizona nodded her consent.

Callie lightly placed a hand on the other woman's arm effectively stopping Arizona in her tracks – "I think" – sighed the brunette – "I'm all talked out."

"Oh" – Arizona looked at her, feeling a little disappointed – "okay. Yes." – She nodded tentatively – "so? What do you want to do next?"

"I think I want to run some more" – the brunette replied.

"Callie, I don't think I can run anymore, we could" –

- "Alone, Arizona" – Callie supplied – "I want to run alone" – she said with a definitive edge.

"Oh" – Arizona wrestled with herself as she kept her mouth from spewing a million questions, all a mile a minute – "okay…" – and before she could finish her next thought Callie took off.

Arizona stood there in her dust, bewildered, ecstatic and more than she was completely out of her depth.

* * *

A/N: Brace yourself people, another chapter and then Boswell enters the fray. Emotional thunderdome, but muted… Anyway, let me know how you liked this, or if you didn't.


	14. TED

**Twelve**

**TED**

**Disclaimer: **All characters and the show belong to** SR** and **ABC**. I make no profit. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Thoughts, sarcastic comments, Calliesque word jumbles are in **'**single quotes.**'**

Dreams and Flashbacks (& sometimes tonal emphasis in narrative and dialogue) are in _Italics._

_Some spellings may differ on account of me being Indian and growing up with the Queen's English._

_All mistakes on this one are mine._

**Read, Review and Enjoy! – No reviews = Boredom, which makes me blah about writing, so reviews please!?**

**_Onward_**

* * *

"So?" – It came out like a sleep strangled sigh – "what are you doing right now?"

"I'm thanking my lucky stars, Arizona…"

"What?" – She yawned – "still?"

"Yeah, still!" – she chuckled – "this was the first time I didn't fly like a breathing corpse" – completely oblivious to the blonde's flinching, the brunette switched hands, using one to unzip her suitcase and now the other to handle her cell – "why are you calling me if you're so sleepy?!"

"I don't know… just wanted to check in, I guess?" – She said with a nervous uncertainty.

The truth was that she was pretty nervous about Callie flying anywhere too. They had toyed with the idea of trains, but there was no way in hell the brunette was going to be able to take that kind of time off. And, with the help of her shrink, Callie had insisted that she'd go on a flight. She'd assured Arizona that she'd done it a few times after the crash.

The blonde had expressed concern about it all the same, asking Callie if she'd take anything to knock herself out.

The brunette's reply was none too comforting, even if she toyed around with dark humour when said – "don't you want me to be awake if something goes wrong?!"All the while, Callie had thought to herself that she would actually prefer to be dead to the world before, _well,_ being dead to the world.

"Okay…" – the brunette sighed as she continued to wrestle with her suitcase – "and how was your shift, or day? Damnnit…mrrrph!" – She grunted – "how can my suitcase be overflowing? It's barely a two day trip!"

Arizona gave a sleepy laugh – "yeah… but you had Cristina sit on it while she cursed you, and Teddy, and" –

- "Hey? Why is that?"

"Are you kidding?! She puts the 'men' in Teddy's 'mental-mentee', and" –

- "That was shitty word play Arizona…" – the brunette cut her off as she began unzipping her dress to put on the next one.

- "Whatever" – The blonde intoned – "oh! And she hates you because, you know?" – She stopped and rubbed at her eyes, noting that it was already ten in the morning – "you're at the TED conference, speechifying your Carti-jello" –

- _"Don't call it that!"_ – Callie cut her off reproachfully – "it makes me sound like a street hawker or whatever" – she let her discontent be known as she fiddled with her bra strap in front of the full length mirror.

"Street hawker?!" – Arizona scoffed mirthfully – "what _are_ you? A character from a Dickens novel?!"

"Whatever Arizona!"- The blonde could hear Callie rolling her eyes – "you still didn't tell me how your day was?"

"Right" – Arizona stifled a yawn –

- "I'm sorry" – Callie chortled – "am I boring you?!"

"No. If you can't tell by all the yawning" – she sighed – "my day was tiring, and I operated on a kid who swallowed anything she could find, so that was…" –

- "Ah… I can imagine" – Callie mischievously smiled to herself as she walked back to the bed to pick a few things out – "hey? What is like the weirdest thing you've pulled out of a patient?"

"Ah" – Arizona scoffed – "no, no, no, no_! Don't even, Torres!_ I treat kids! You know I'm going to win this! So… there!" – She said, matter of factly – "In your face!" –

- "Is it though? Is it an 'in your face moment?!'" – Callie ribbed, playfully – "I mean…it's not…not really something you want to win at right?!"

"Hmmm" – the blonde mused, happy with how things were between them. A short silence ran the distance between Scotland and Seattle. But now there was a tenuous comfort that came with it.

"So?" – The blonde began – "how was last night? Meet any interesting people?" – Her eyebrows went up as a teasing lilt made its way into her voice.

"Why are you saying it like that?" – Callie felt this weird sort of jumble in the pit of her stomach. It was odd and a little disappointing to hear Arizona ask **_that_** question in **_that_** way. She couldn't put her finger on it, but her frown was evident in her voice.

Arizona felt a nervous sort of tug in her gut as she laughed, trying to deflect Callie from whatever _this_ was – "I…uh… Calliope, I didn't mean anything by it. I just want to make sure you're meeting people…enjoying yourself…just stuff like that" – she tapered off. Callie's near accusatory tone had confused her; she also had no idea why she had said it the way she'd said it. _'So much for uncomplicated!'_

Sometimes it was so simple that it almost felt like they were better than before and other times Callie just confused her. But, the blonde too had a proclivity for putting her foot in her mouth without wanting to, or meaning to. In those moments Callie was so far away from her; it was almost as if one of them was under water and not a peep was making its way through to the other – drowning in a violent silence without the touch of the one you loved, till… till they rescued themselves.

"Oh" – the brunette sounded far from convinced – "well…yeah, I mean Dr. Palmer and Dr. Aaron were here, so yes…" –

- "Wait… what's that noise?" – Arizona cut her off.

"Oh… I'm just picking out some jewelry" – the brunette replied – "um…" – she was standing at the mirror again, holding up different pieces to see which one she preferred – "there's a brunch mixer and then a round of talks, and" –

- "When do you go on?" – The blonde asked hurriedly as she ran a hand through her unruly morning hair and righted the strap of her tank top.

"Uh!" – Callie scoffed, vexed and nervous – "in the evening."

"Okay."

Silence.

"Callie?" – The blonde sighed – "we talked about this? Remember? Are you still nervous?" – She asked compassionately.

"Are you kidding me?!" – She'd screeched loud enough for Arizona to have to remove the cell from her ear – "you gave me the worst pep talk in the world!" – The excitement between them rose as they started talking over one another.

"Callie, you are certifiable! I give the best pep talks! Ask anyone who has been… pep talked at by me!"

"Be yourself?! What kind of hippie advice is that?! Who the fuck else would I be?!"

Their individual tirades died down when someone came at the brunette's door.

"Arizona, hey, can you hold on for a sec? I just… someone's at the door, and…" –

- "Yeah… yes, sure. Go." – Arizona waited on the line as She heard the faint murmurs of a woman's voice she knew not to be Callie's. The blonde chewed the inside of her cheek in nervous anticipation – '_who was this woman… she sounded hot, and what were they talking about…was she being paranoid and weird? She was being paranoid and weird. Definitely…Paranoid…and…Weird'_ – she nodded to herself.

Callie's smiling voice disturbed her internal monologue – "sorry!" – She sighed – "that was" –

- "Who was that?! She, I mean?! Who was she" – Arizona rushed to ask, completely oblivious to the fact that Callie was trying to tell her just that.

"Ummm…" – again an awkwardness made its way into the brunette's voice – "some blonde… I don't remember really. She just introduced herself in passing, then accidentally spilled her drink on my $300 shirt and awkwardly felt me up while trying to clean it."

"Oh…alright…that's bad… but what was she doing now? Coming to you, I mean?" – She hedged, carefully, trying her best not to sound territorial.

"Oh, that?!" – Callie waved it off, then remembered Arizona couldn't see her – "She was just being polite, and offering to get it dry cleaned, and she invited me out to drinks with her and a few colleagues" – she replied in her best casual tone, suddenly feeling a little guilty for no apparent reason.

"Are you… are you going?" – The blonde held her breath.

"Well" – Callie felt just a little apprehensive about the turn this conversation was taking – "no… I mean she was nice and all, but I just want to soak in a tub and be old and lazy with my novel."

"That sounds nice" – the blonde replied trying to keep her voice level whilst an inexplicably, insanely jealous part of her felt kind of happy – "and you are not old… you're just… _wise._"

"Umhm… sure" – the brunette supplied her with a nonchalant agreement – "plus, she already spilled her drink on me once while she was sober, soooo" –

- "You sure?!" –Arizona nodded vigorously, enjoying the fact that their conversation had once again become light – "a night out with a clumsy drunk? Sounds promising?!" – She kidded.

"Hey! If I wanted to do that? I'd just go out with you!"

"I'm not clumsy!"

"Sure, you're not!" – The brunette exclaimed sardonically.

"Okay! Okay! Let's just get to the important stuff" –

- "And what might that be?" – Asked the brunette.

"What are you wearing?"

_And there it was again, a pause._

"Arizona…" – came the brunette's near tortured sigh.

"What? What did I say?" – The blonde caught on a little late – "oh… Oh! No, no, not like…not like that! I meant to brunch! And then for the speech! I didn't mean" –

- "Oh thank god!" – Callie exhaled a long breath of relief, completely unaware of the uncoiling feeling of a nagging sort of discontent that passed like a wave in the blonde's chest.

"Right… no… absolutely, I just want to know what the new genius with a soul and body to match look is going to be like" – the blonde's voice was regaining that note of levity that made them both feel secure.

"Well… you could help me pick?" – Callie asked, sounding hopeful.

"Sure! What do we got?!"

They chatted some more, once again blissfully unaware of what was changing between them, and what remained the same. They allowed themselves these moments and pockets of recognition, and nothing more; enjoying the fruit and ignoring the process. Blissfully… so blissfully unaware of how things would turn around on them yet again.

* * *

A/N: Short, I know, but we are very close to the end, about 4-5 chapters to go. And if you guessed it, you guessed it right.


	15. No, Maybe, Nope, Yeah, Damn! (I)

**Thirteen, Part I**

**No, Maybe, Nope, Yeah, Damn! (I)**

**_Down the Rabbit Hole_**

_A breath, then thought,_

_All soon forgot,_

_Till lying still, we're all but not,_

_And this rabbit hole is just a grave;_

_And Alice smells of daisies._

**_- Pasha D._**

**Disclaimer: **All characters and the show belong to** SR** and **ABC**. I make no profit. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Thoughts, sarcastic comments, Calliesque word jumbles are in **'**single quotes.**'**

Dreams and Flashbacks (& sometimes tonal emphasis in narrative and dialogue) are in _Italics._

_Some spellings may differ on account of me being Indian and growing up with the Queen's English._

_All mistakes on this one are mine._

**Read, Review and Enjoy! Feed this hungry writer with a review shaped candy. **

_**Onward**_

* * *

The bath was warm and lazy. Her book was laid away on the side box table, but the glass of red she'd picked out for herself was ever more a part of the experience. Warm wisps of steam slithered into the air, a luxuriant paralysis almost incumbent in the moment. The heat lapped at her skin, till it seeped into her muscle and her bones; she felt herself slipping into slumber, unaware of the caustic fear that would soon claw at her, right in the middle of her chest…making its way…traveling outwards…till it owned all of her…till there was nothing left.

Her chest was heavy and tight. Dull aches chased her into a state of semi-consciousness. This wasn't as simple as falling asleep, or slipping into a vast and apathetic emptiness. This was hard and painful. She was in the middle of the woods, in a junk yard, in the biggest, most elaborate coffin manufactured for mankind. The cold had made its way right into the core of her being, blossoming and growing strong, dulling her heart and taking her light with it. In her lap lay a dead man; if she were lucky she would join him soon enough. _'Where was he? Where was Mark now?'_ She hoped it was somewhere warm.

It was still painful; the cold. But, it was now easy enough to give into. It was more painful to fight it.

The thunder outside beat down in a frantic staccato and the darkness echoed with her name. It was odd though… the voice didn't spell out her name in that almost informal welcoming caress it should have. No whispers of _"Calliope,"_ making her heady, luring her into a pleasurable abyss…just the frightened and escalating, near jarring call –

_ - "Dr. Torres?! Dr. Torres?!"_ - Her name punctuated by the thunder. It all made her curious; curious enough to once again meander through the darkness till she pushed its heavy veil up.

"Dr. Torres! I'm not being….." – The words were garbled and syncopated in the thickness that enveloped her – "just worried…answer…..leave you alone…..open…please!"

Her eyes were wider still as her mind slowly crept towards consciousness. This wasn't the night sky; above her was the cream coloured ceiling, swimming like an image through the smoke, until she realised where she was.

Callie shot up with a chocked cough, shivering as her lungs screamed for air. In the upward motion, her hand caught the sharp edge of the faucet sideways. The pain barely registered as she kept gasping for air. Suddenly she could feel everything all at once, but the most acute of them all was the excruciating cold that prickled on her skin and hollowed her chest, and the loud banging at her door.

She struggled out of the bath tub, walking with unsure footing, and stopped at the door to put on a bath robe.

The woman at the door saw a sopping mess open it. Dr. Torres looked like a drowned rat. She had no way of knowing if the woman, who was such a torrential success on the stage just a meagre forty minutes ago, was this same woman – the water from her hair seemed to mix with that around her eyes – _'had she been crying? How could anyone someone so messed up look so enticing?'_ Her skin was pale, and her lips looked to be a light shade of blue as she stood there in the doorway, shivering.

_"Oh my God, Dr. Torres?! Are you alright?!" _– Her voice was flooded with real concern, the kind that was professional, but personal all the same.

Callie tried to reply, but only her teeth chattered in a muted and indiscernible yes, but the message was clearer once she thought to nod her head.

"Well" – the woman replied with a tremulous smile, as she began to lightly but firmly force her way into the brunette's room – "you'll forgive me if I don't believe you."

Callie watched her with a look full of shy curiosity and wide eyed wonder. She stood at her door for a while and then decided on following the other woman inside.

"I was outside" – said the woman while looking around the room. She stopped to scratch her head and gave out a tiny and frustrated sigh – "where's your doctor's bag?"

Callie dumbly pointed at her cupboard. She was now feeling the chill abate as sense began to creep into her, making her feel more and more alert – "why?"

"I'm sorry, why what?" – asked the woman as she retrieved Callie's doctor's kit and gingerly sat down in one of the cushiony chair. She pointed for Callie to take the seat in front of her. Her manner was calm, soft, and jovial even, but she definitely had an air of authority about her.

Callie slowly sat down in the chair, very consciously righting her robe so as to guard herself from the searching eyes of her present companion – "why were you banging at my door?"

The woman looked at her for a moment, searching to see if the question had in it an edge of animosity, but her search came up empty. It would seem Doctor Torres was just plain curious.

"I…uh…wanted to check one last time if maybe you'd consider joining me…us…for dinner and drinks?" – She answered, although her eyes were now attentive to the task at hand. She had found the antiseptic, the cotton and the adhesive gauze packaging to tend to Dr. Torres's wound.

"Your hand" – she said, nodding at Callie's left arm.

"What about it?" – The brunette asked bluntly, still feeling a little lost.

"It's bleeding, Dr. Torres."

"Oh."

"Yeah" – the other woman smiled, it was oddly comforting and alluring, the smile moved slow, almost glacially so, from her lips to her eyes; Callie was quick to note that she had intelligent eyes – "_oh_ is right! You mind if I?" – She let the question hang as she pointed towards Callie's injured hand.

Callie nodded her agreement.

As she examined the hand, the woman felt this need to fill the obtrusive silence that made the air between them dense – "hmmm… doesn't look too bad" – she nodded to herself – "it just needs a wrap, no stiches" – she said with a slightly excited smile while she began dabbing on the wound.

Callie looked up from the hand, hissing from the sting of the antiseptic.

The other woman looked up, into her eyes and felt a moment of _just_ blankness wash over her, she stuttered next as she tried to maintain her visage – "I never thought a hard core Bone-doc like you'd be such a baby, Dr. Tor…" –

- "Callie…" – the brunette spoke out of turn – "You can call me Callie."

_"Alright, then! Callie!"_ – She said with a cheery, almost suave smile that made Callie feel a sense of deja vous, but the woman's warm fingernail tracing a line on her wrist made her almost cringe – "I'm Dr. Boswell" – she looked up from the hand she was treating, Boswell's eyes were something of a growing mystery to the brunette…she hadn't been looked at like _that_ in a while – "but, you can call me Lauren."

* * *

**A/N:** I know, short as heck. But, this needs to be in parts. Chill out, have faith and stick around for more. It's about to get interesting folks.


	16. No, Maybe, Nope, Yeah, Damn! (II)

**Chapter 13, Part II**

**No, Maybe, Nope, Yeah, Damn! (II)**

**Disclaimer: **All characters and the show belong to** SR** and **ABC**. I make no profit. No copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** Stick with it. I won't steer you guys wrong on this.

Thoughts, sarcastic comments, Calliesque word jumbles are in **'**single quotes.**'**

Dreams and Flashbacks (& sometimes tonal emphasis in narrative and dialogue) are in _Italics._

_Some spellings may differ on account of me being Indian and growing up with the Queen's English._

_All mistakes on this one are mine._

**Read, Review and Enjoy! I love getting your comments; the last few on Boswell have been especially interesting. So, please do write in.**

**_Onward_**

* * *

"So" – Callie faltered – "umm…thanks" – she nodded.

The silence between them was awkward and not, something about Dr. Boswell screamed the words '_familiar stranger'_ in the brunette's gut.

"Oh, no…no! Not at all, it was…" – Lauren smiled gently – "…it was my duty" – she shrugged her shoulders with a casual sort of confidence – "I **_am_** a doctor, you know?" – She said in a conspiratorially loud whisper.

"Right" – the brunette replied in a humorous huff – "of course."

Another silence followed. Callie worked to gather herself a little and mentally regrouped. Her nerves were shot from the almost drowning that she had no one but herself to blame for.

Lauren Boswell on the other hand was as curious as they came. She was a brilliant, fast thinking, fast talking, scalpel wielding face fixer who was at a complete loss for words right now. The woman in front of her was the kind that she hadn't met in forever.

Dr. Torres was amazing, but the woman had no clue how amazing she was. She had a tired beauty about her that shone through an illusory, almost put on calmness. She was barely holding on, that much Lauren could tell, and it was that haunting sadness in those pretty and rich eyes _that shone different shades of brown in the changing light_, that did her in.

Callie broke the silence yet again – "I should let you go" – she said with a tempered, but tired smile – "this was…" – she bent forwards and took this complete strangers hand in hers – "it was very kind of you. I…I don't think I've thanked you **_at all_**."

Lauren kept looking into the brunette's eyes, completely captivated and quiet as she saw a wide smile take over Callie's face.

"So" – Callie gave Dr. Boswell's hand a firm squeeze and a shake, a gesture vacillating between the professional and the intimate – "thank you" – she sighed – "if you hadn't shown up when you did…"

Lauren had tuned the woman out as she kept looking from Callie's hand gripping hers to the woman's lips moving. As alertness returned to her, she caught the fag end of the brunette's sentence – _"shouldn't you?"_

Lauren blinked. _'Try and look like you know what she's just said, smile, nod… do something!'_

"Yes!" – She replied, noticing that the brunette looked a little disappointed, but covered it up quickly.

"Good then" – Callie shrugged as she took her hand back – "I'll leave you to it."

Lauren looked on, a tad confused, her smile slowly edging towards a frown, but she still nodded dumbly. Whatever she'd said yes to, she was locked into it now.

"Then, I'll go in…change into my sleepwear and…and you can see yourself out? Right?"

"Ummm…" – _'wait a minute, she'd agreed to leave, she didn't want to leave!'_ - "right" – it came out more like a question than an affirmation as she watched the other woman consciously pull at her robe. Lauren's eyes were intently following Callie as the brunette slowly got up, her every move, pronounced.

"Okay" – Callie sighed – "I'll take your leave now, then?"

"Ummm…" – Callie walked into the washroom without waiting for an answer.

Callie came out after having completed her nightly routine. She walked out with her eyes closed, she sighed softly as she ran a brush through her hair.

_"Took you long enough!"_

The dulcet voice of a Dr. Lauren Boswell made the brunette jump into the air in wide eyed surprised as she dropped her brush.

Lauren was sitting in the chair facing away from the washroom door and completely out of Callie's line of vision.

"What are you still doing here?" – The brunette's voice veered between incredulity and intrigue.

The question and its tone prompted Lauren to peek out from behind the chair, an impish grin fixed on her face – "I decided to stay."

Callie quirked an eyebrow at her, amused – "you just do whatever you want, don't you?" – She asked as she made her way to her bed, intending to sit and chat with her companion.

Lauren made her way out of the chair and began walking to the brunette – her movements slow, deliberate, and almost sensual; consciously inviting the other woman to look at her.

Callie stood stalk still, her surprise rooting her to the place where she stood. There was something electric about the other woman, it made her stomach lurch and her heart hammer.

"I find that" – Lauren inched forward – "doing what I want" – she took another step – "is the best way" – she whispered as she was now just and arm's length away from the brunette – "to get whatever" – she leant forward now bringing her face closer to the brunette's – "I want" – she whispered; the sweet scent of her breath hit Callie.

Lauren moved forward to seal their lips together, her arms moved quickly to embrace the beautiful woman in front of her, her eyes heavy lidded with passion – **_"woah!"_** – She felt a hollow feeling in her gut, like she was falling. And, in truth she was falling…on to the bed as Callie made quick business of stepping out of her way.

"Crap-damn!" – The blonde exhaled her surprise as she hit the bed with a puff. She turned around on her back and quickly sat up, smoothing out her top.

"Are you okay?!" – The brunette asked as she stood over Lauren with a hand clamped over her mouth, desperately trying not to laugh. She was doing a terrible job of it.

_"Yeah!"_ – Lauren barked, sitting up in a rigid fashion, all her sexual bravado washed away – "it's just my ego that took a beating."

"Oh!" – Callie chortled, but a near poisonous look from the woman in front of her forced her to control it – "Lauren, I'm so sorry…" – she said as she congenially sat down next to the woman in question.

"No…no" – Lauren said trying to feign confident nonchalance – "it's fine really… I" –

Callie turned around to face her – "it's not you, really" – she quickly cut her off – "and maybe I did kind of give you the wrong impression…" – she paused mulling over how best to explain herself.

"Well, yeah!" – Lauren shrugged – "there was some…I don't know? I thought you wanted this? I felt like you did… am I?" –

- "I thought I wanted it too…" – Callie droned.

"Then why don't we just?" – Lauren let the question hang in the air as she ran her fingers over Callie's exposed arm.

Callie leant away from her, still in reach, but far enough to get the message across – "you just don't quit, do you?" – She asked, still friendly, but weary.

"Not when they look like you…" – Lauren replied seductively, but maintained the distance between them.

The brunette put a hand on Lauren's shoulder and gently pushed her back, putting more distance between them – "Lauren" – she sighed, a little frustrated with the woman's persistence – "I'm flattered, really" – she nodded – "I really am!"

- "But?" – Lauren sighed, as understanding dawned on her, '_this woman wasn't playing coy or hard to get_' – "there's a but, isn't there?"

"Yes" – Callie smiled, almost sympathetically – "if this was another time…if things were different, I'd totally do this…" –

Lauren smiled deviously – "so then what's the problem?!"

Callie smiled again at the other woman's tenacity. She could tell that Lauren was experienced, she knew what she wanted and she went for it… a type 'A' person who played the surgeon in every part of her life – a control junkie who was free and enjoyed the company of beautiful woman. And there was nothing wrong with that **_if_** you were single. Then it hit her…so hard it took her breath away.

Calliope Torres, in the company of a beautiful, confident, sexy woman who was offering herself up with no strings or complications, did not **_feel_** single…**_at all._** She felt like she completely and unequivocally belonged to only one other person, apart from herself.

"The problem" – Callie shook her head as the smile on her face broadened – "is that, I want to be with someone else."

Lauren nodded, comprehension coming to her in slow and small dosages – "but you aren't with them right now, so…C'mon, try it" – she breathed heavily as she smirked – "screw being in control! Who's going to know?!"

"I am." – Callie answered as she shot off of the bed – "I'll know!" – She sighed – "Look, Lauren I appreciate what you did for me… I do, and I think you'd maybe make a good friend? You remind me of somebody…But, the first thing I'm going to do when I get back to Seattle is talk to Arizona" – a goofy smile made its way to her face – "about us… Because being with you" –

- "Well, not really… we haven't…" – Lauren began.

_- "Right!"_ – Callie laughed joyously as she cut her off, Lauren on the other hand was beginning to look more and more confused – "and we won't be! Because…" – she cupped her mouth as peals of laughter threatened to escape – "Because, I still **_want…_**" – she threw herself in a chair, now thinking aloud, having almost completely forgotten the other presence in the room – "**_God! I still want her!_**"

"Dr. Torres, are you alright?" – Lauren asked with a bewildered smile; she realised that the woman in front of her was either having an episode or an epiphany.

"Yeah!" – Callie laughed excitedly as she faced the other woman – "I'm…I'm great! I **_just_**… I want things! I can still want things! I want Arizona Robbins!" – She nodded vigorously – "and that's why we can't" – she waved her hands between them – "because sex with you will make me miss her…the sex with you will make me sad" – she said with great sincerity.

Lauren blanched at that statement, never had she ever thought she'd hear those words – "Oh-kay then" – she nervously rubbed at her thighs, eager to make an exit – "you know what? I think I **_will_** go and catch up with my friends after all" – she began making a quick exit.

"Hey, Lauren?!" – Callie's voice prompted her to look back.

"Thanks… for…you know? Everything?" – Her voice was light; Callie seemed different from the woman she'd rescued.

"Yeah" – Lauren smiled – "no problem! I'm happy to not have next with you anytime!" – She smirked over her shoulders as she walked out, closing the door behind her.

Callie turned back around and threw herself onto her bed, a smile plastered on her face as she said to no one in particular – "ditto."

* * *

The next morning, the brunette got an eight am wakeup call with the breakfast cart serviceman knocking at the door. She boorishly opened the door not remembering having asked for cart service this early in the morning.

She looked, bleary-eyed, at the spread of scones, breakfast pastries, the French pressed coffee and the orange juice – "I didn't" – her words were suddenly punctuated with a yawn – "order this."

The living, breathing Jeeves like character in front of her spoke in a thick Brit accent, trying to hide his smile from the uncouth American – "It's taken care of ma'am" – he said as he wheeled in the cart.

Callie followed him inside, watching him unload the good-eats while she began rooting around in her purse in order to give the guy a tip. As she produced the money, Jeeves stepped back – "no ma'am. Also taken care of."

"Okay…" – the brunette dismissed him with a confused nod.

_'That was weird'_ – she thought to herself as she picked up the card that seemed to have come with the breakfast. She began reading it aloud, as she popped a grape into her mouth, having picked it off of the top of a pastry –

_"Dear Dr. Torres,_

_ You are the first woman I've ever bought breakfast for without having…bedded, I think is a slightly more respectable way to put it? I'm leaving you my number, and if ever I'm in Seattle, I'll look you up… See what all the fuss is about?! Give me ring._

_X Oxo Lauren"_

Just then then the brunette's phone buzzed somewhere in the depths of her bed. She began looking for it frantically, absently clutching the note her hand; acutely aware of the fact that the call was probably from Arizona.

She found the phone and as she checked to see the caller's name, her heart beat soared to a ridiculously high rate. She threw herself into the soft, downy mattress, getting comfortable and quickly picking up the phone.

"Hey! Arizona?"

_"Oh my God!"_ – Arizona screeched from over the phone – "I saw your presentation!"

"Yeah?!" – Callie laughed excitedly.

"Mhm… You were _amazing!_" – The blonde sighed – "You're always amazing!"

Callie felt herself blush – "it was okay" – she replied, trying to keep the pride out of her voice.

"Don't play humble Doctor Torres" – Arizona said in a low, husly voice – "it's unbecoming…"

"Hmmm…" – the brunette intoned, and with her hand at her side, she crumpled up the note and threw it carelessly and thoughtlessly to the floor.

"How was the rest of your night?" – Arizona asked, full of bright-eyed curiosity.

"Nothing to write home about…" – the brunette sighed, content to just be talking to her.

"That's too bad" – the blonde sounded genuinely bummed out, Callie could almost see her pouting – "so, when's your flight?"

Callie stopped to look at the clock on the wall, above the television set – "uh…in about five hours."

A short silence followed, only to be broken by the blonde – "okay…well then…I'll let you go?" –

_- "No…no!"_ – Callie said with urgency – "talk to me awhile" – there was longing in her voice; Arizona could read it as plainly as she could a patient's chart. It brought a smile to her face.

"Sure! I love talking to you Calliope…"

"Hey?"

"Hmmm?" – Arizona asked lightly.

"Will you pick me up? From the airport, I mean?"

"Sure!" – The blonde enthused – "send me your flight details" – suddenly she remembered, her voice now sombre – "I may be working though…" –

- "That's okay" – Callie quickly cut her off – "You just let me know…if you can…because" – she paused to take a deep breath bracing herself – "I think we need to talk."

"Oh" – Arizona sounded a little shocked and vulnerable.

"It's about us, Arizona."

"Callie" – fear crept into the blonde's voice, she had no idea what to expect – "you should rest first, and then we can…" –

- "No… I've waited long enough!" – The brunette said hurriedly – "I mean" – she sighed – "what I have to say to you? It's good, it's not…it's not bad."

"Yeah?" – Arizona gave a short laugh, suddenly feeling her heart beat faster with anticipation – "it's good?"

"Yup!" – Callie laughed too, unaware of her own tears – "It is. It's about us, and it's good."

Arizona's breath caught as she felt a tight knot of anticipation form in her stomach – "that's great Callie… that's" –

- "Arizona…" – Callie said her name in a sigh, _'just like she used to.'_

The blonde's voice cracked at the odd note she recognised in Callie's voice – "yes, Callie?"

"I can't wait to see you again."

It was so small, so simple, so short, but it was _everything_.

"Me too, Callie…me too."

* * *

**A/N:** All of you who suffered through the Lauren stuff; I hope this made up for it. Write in with how you thing this played out. Do you think you've seen the last of Boswell? Let me know!


	17. One Man's Trash

**Chapter Fourteen**

**One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure**

**Disclaimer: **All characters on the show belong to ABC and SR. I make no profit & no copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** I'll be doing something new here. Firstly, I will be going in and out of the characters' heads without my standard use of the single quotes for internal monologues. **_Please_** write in and tell me how it works. If it doesn't then it will be a one chapter deal. Secondly, I urge you, more than anything to 'feel' this chapter. An unusual request, I know, but a little trust, my dear readers, goes a long way. This is longish, so I hope that pleases you. Now? Shall we?

All mistakes are my own, I just wanted to put this up within the promised time frame, therefore I could't sent it to my Beta. She would have made us all happy and given us the gift of smooth reading, but alas.

_Note that some of the spellings may be different because I've grown up with the Queen's English._

_Reviews keep me interested and give me ideas, so please water this plant._

**_Onward_**

* * *

This was nerve wracking. This whole evening…everything about it made her insides shift around in a nervous frenzy. How was she supposed to do this?! Alright, so the hard part was over, right?! She had pretty much invited herself to dinner with the cute blonde surgeon. She'd do it at her place, but really, that would be a bad idea. Her home was far away from the city, and if she had invited Arizona over for a dinner that ran too late into the night, then she'd be a jittery, polite mess and ask her to stay the night. And then, she would spend the night, miserable in another room, away from the blonde, and trying desperately not to jump Arizona's bones whilst she lay unsuspecting in one of the many the guest bedrooms her home had to offer. No! That was a terrible, horrible, incredibly sexy idea that would lead to complications and of course she wanted sex with Arizona! She assumed everyone did, but they needed to have _**the talk**_ first. Not the awkward but sexy sex talk, well not _**just**_ the sex talk, but the "I'm ready to be with you" talk or the "I'm ready to _**try(?)**_ to be with you " talk, and the "I'm crazypants in love with you, and would like to lose the pants part" talk? Those! She needed to have those talks with Arizona, and it had her feeling like a she was asking the blonde for a first date again.

"A second first date!" – She whispered out loud to no one in particular as she continued to pace in her living room.

In another two hours, she was supposed to hit the road and meet the woman she planned on spending the rest of her life with. A month ago when she had gotten back to Seattle, the high from all the success and from living through another plane ride that had her freaking suspended in sky for hours on end, she had walked out of the air terminal feeling alive. Like everything around her was moving at a normal pace again; suddenly she was a part of things. It was all happening, and her life was happening inside it, not beside it, or alongside it, but in it. She felt in the thick of it, not abandoned, nor stuck. Life was a concerto and she was no longer to live without its music; she was a note, one of many – joyous, and she would live for as long as any other note would in the air, till the day she wouldn't. But, here she was; she, Calliope Torres was pure music!

That feeling wouldn't even let her feel disappointed with the fact that Arizona couldn't come to pick her up. The blonde had informed her that she would be getting off her shift about an hour after Callie was due to arrive at the airport. The two had been very disappointed at the time, but had promised to meet and talk the very next day

When she had stepped into the cab, she'd meant to give the cab driver her home address, but ended up blurting out the words "Seattle Grey Mercy West" with a soul crushing urgency. It would seem that when she'd last told Arizona that she couldn't wait to meet her, it had been her own personal gospel.

Once she had reached the hospital, she couldn't quite do anything more than stand in the parking lot, a little way away from the entrance. It would seem the wave of blind and exigent euphoria was beginning to ebb and a haze of uneasy doubt was rushing to replace it.

That was how and where the blonde had found Callie, as she stood outside like a statue with her luggage at her side.

Arizona had looked on from within the building only to see the curiously statue like figure of one Calliope Torres, standing outside, looking in with completely unfocused, large doe like eyes. The brunette hadn't noticed her as Arizona began her trek towards Callie; intermittently adjusting the strap of her huge purse, the blonde walked out past the glass doors and on to the parking lot.

The blonde walked right past her line of vision, only to stop right next to Callie, she turned around, looking at the hospital, trying to glean what it was that had the brunette's rapt attention. When calling out to her in a low whisper right next to her ear didn't get her anywhere, Arizona finally, very gently curled her arm around the brunette's and took hold of her hand.

Callie had looked down at the moment. A few months ago, just this much would have unnerved her, and someone approaching her while she was lost and thinking would have definitely startled her. But, she was better now, somehow, she was better and this wasn't just anyone on her side. It was Arizona, and some part of her always knew that it was Arizona. Her body could just tell; she knew her perfume, and how she'd sometimes sigh before starting a conversation. She knew.

A light squeeze from the blonde had her smiling and looking up.

Arizona answered with a smile of her own. A silent moment of pleasant commiseration; the happiness they reaped in that moment of just being able to see one another without words, without the _need _for words brought on a calm. It was a soothing balm to Callie's otherwise grating nerves.

"Couldn't wait, huh?" the blonde bumped her shoulder playfully, the mischief in her eyes brighter under the sky painted in black ichor. _This_ is what it was, realised the brunette, this light, this stillness that drew her in like a moth to the flame. Was it that simple, really? All Arizona had to do was smile? That seemed so unreal…but on some days it really just _was_ that simple.

"No" – a sigh, a confession, a profession of love, of depth…everything in a single syllable on smiling lips; it was enough to take Arizona's breath away.

She had been patient, and kind, doing the best she could with all the information she had. Callie gave so little away, and some days it was everything the blonde could do to hear Callie talk, the information she offered being too painful. The crash was hard to hear about, the fear that rippled through like a rip tide in the brunette psyche was now a thinning fog. There were moments of clarity, and shared happiness, even on the sad days, but Arizona had learnt quickly that the crash in all its after effects would stay with Callie. It was eternal, and resonant, and while that was difficult to understand for the blonde, it was fast becoming one of the things that made Callie beautiful.

She had gone to Africa for three years, and nothing had stopped or stayed still. Life had moved on, a swirling mesh of ever entangling, dangerous tendrils and only those who danced along with it would survive. So here they were, in a parking lot, smiling at each other, with each other, silent, speaking; dancing.

That was the day things had been keyed back into motion again. Callie had stepped out of her shaky limbo, the sense of ineptitude falling away long enough for her to take a step towards Arizona, closing the gap between them. There was nothing and everything between them as a warmth crept up on them. The brunette's movement were a curious mixture of steady and unsure; her eyes brimming with a hunger that she'd locked away for an inordinately long period.

Arizona didn't move, couldn't move but for the one long exhale that left her feeling light headed. The first time they had ever been together, Callie's perfume had made itself into the blonde's consciousness, it brought with it sense of synaesthesia. Arizona could taste it; it was coloured with a warm blue, tinted with an orange like a cold flame. Since then she had craved Callie.

At that very moment she felt like a woman about to break a fast after having starved her soul.

Callie couldn't keep from touching her any longer. She brought her hand up; a moment of hesitation was clouded with the sudden and pressing need to feel Arizona. Her hand bag had fallen to the ground with a loud thud as her other hand inched onto the blonde's waist, lightly searching till it found purchase on Arizona's warm skin.

Callie leant forward, resting her forehead on Arizona's as her thumb traced the woman's brow, her nails digging into the blonde's flesh.

"I can't" she had said with a quite sob as she shook her head, still leaning on the other woman "I can't let go of the crash, but I can't let go of you either."

Arizona brought her hands up, finally ceasing the moment to act on; _her_ moment, _their_ moment. She brought her lips to Callie's and stopped only to seek her eyes. When brown met blue she'd said but one thing – "then don't let go."

"Never" Callie breathed against pink lips as they met finally. Burning in the fire they'd been stoking for months now; too afraid to breathe for fear of having to break their embrace.

The silence of the night screamed around them at the top of its lungs till a loud honk and bright headlights jolted them into breaking away from each other. Arizona's fingers came up to her lips, feeling them tingle with eager anticipation, the kiss was over, but it would seem her body hadn't gotten the memo.

Callie stood facing her, her eyes wide with happy shock. A look akin to smug satisfaction overtook her features.

Another loud honk made them look up into the windshield of the car. There inside was the familiar face of Cristina Yang, looking as it were floating, illuminated from underneath thanks to her headlights.

Arizona bent down to pick up Callie's bag and quickly took the brunette's hand and pulled her towards herself as she heard Yang's car rev up. The two toppled back in an awkward balancing act, safe and away from the maniac man-handling the truck. A un-lady-like expletive sailed into the night air for their combined benefit as Yang's flipped bird floated away into the distance, visible outside the cars window as she drove away.

"What does this mean?" the vulnerability in Arizona's voice prompted the amused brunette to look back and away from the fleeting truck and the bird that flew away with it.

"Well, I think she was telling us to fu" –

"No!" Arizona cut her off, it was a little terser than she's intended, her rapidly beating heart getting the best of her – "I mean the kiss. What does the kiss mean?" – She took in a deep shuddering breath – "For us. What does the kiss mean for us?"

"It means" – The brunette drawled unsure and afraid to own up to the answer as her mind was bombarded with all the ways that this could go wrong; _they_ could go wrong. She could feel herself running away from the possibility of them again – "it means…I don't want you to date other people!" – She said hurriedly. It was so very, very lame and cowardly, but if the last few months were any indication, she was hoping Arizona understood her.

"Oh." Arizona looked and sounded disappointed. "Alright" she nodded; a tenuous smile and uncertain smile came over her face.

"Hey" – Callie felt bold enough hold up Arizona's chin and make the woman look into her eyes – "it means I know you want me, and I'm" – she hesitated, her eyes suddenly darted around as if looking for the right words – "I'm okay with that. I…I'm…I like being wanted. By you" – She nodded her head in affirmation, feeling her confidence return by small measures – "**_only_** by you."

Arizona's smile was unmatched, wide and warm and heavy with pride. For the first time in months, it felt like she didn't have to feel guilty about wanting Callie. **_All_** of her, in the way she did. She had offered friendship and solace, while reconciling herself with the real possibility of never getting anything more in return; all the while hoping that someday that friendship would grow into to the depth of the other woman's heart, the roots creeping in and taking hold, making cracks in the hardened surface till they brought new life in it. Till the fruit was that resurrected love of old, truly undying, only hidden for so long and so well, that the tired and the lazy forgot to look.

"Yeah?" – Arizona asked with eagerness, her heart beating in her ears – "And do you want" –

"I'm getting there" – Callie replied before Arizona could even ask the question.

"But?" – The blonde stood there, feeling more and more deflated by the second.

"No 'buts', this is just…it's hard for me, okay?" – She nodded, stepping away from the blonde to speak with a clear head – "But I'm trying to…to get to a place where I can be with you, and I can feel myself" –

Arizona's sharp intake of breath gave them both a pause; this was months in the making, but now that it was happening, it felt surreal to the blonde. Could it be? Could she really get Callie back? Or start the ball rolling on the process at least? In so many ways, they had come so far, but there had still been a sense of stasis, heaviness between them of having once experienced something that had been cut short and suffocated. The death of who they had been to one another lingered behind their new friendship and their new places in each other's lives. Could it be that all that was to be undone?

Callie smiled, feeling the blonde's anticipation – "I can feel myself falling for you. Again."

It took only the fraction of a second for Arizona to pounce on her and engulf her in a warm, squishy hug. She spoke in the brunette's ear while she continued to affectionately squeeze the life out of her – "I know we have a lot to discuss" – She felt Callie nod silently – "but, I just want you to know that I love you."

Callie broke out of the hug as the words hit her with joy and dread.

"I…I don't know what to" –

"Then don't say anything Calliope." – The blonde smiled, cutting off the bumbling brunette – "I know it scares you. But…but it's not really news, is it?" – She smiled; pleasantly surprised that Callie was, albeit very tentatively, returning her smile.

"No…no it's not" – The other woman replied.

"Good" – Arizona nodded happily, as she led Callie away from the parking lot and further into the night – "Now, I know you ate on the plane, but I am starving!"

"I could eat." – Callie said with a playful lilt.

"Alright then" – Arizona shook her head with a reticent smile.

That night in the parking lot had been a month ago. Callie, right now pacing in her own home knew one thing. Since that night, she had been terribly unfair to Arizona; stonewalling her attempts at serious conversation, saying no to a date…

She knew Arizona understood that she hadn't been ready, and blonde was okay with that. What had hurt Arizona the most had been Callie's steady reluctance to discuss Mark with her. There were other things she was sure Arizona knew about – her research and the possibility of a stint at MedCom were no secrets, then there was the question of Lilliana, the girl who could have been her daughter, but then the crash happened.

She began taking note of the small disappointments that kept knocking Arizona down. Disappointments she was responsible for. One night during dinner she had mentioned in passing that she didn't see herself wanting kinds anymore. The look on Arizona's face was one of crafted nonchalance; the woman who could fool everyone had the misfortune of sitting across from the only person she couldn't fool.

Tonight, after dinner, her line of attack was simple. She would ask the blonde for a date, a real date. One that would look like a date, and smell like a date and walk and talk like a date and would answer to the name "date." They had done this "not really dating" thing long enough. And she was ready to talk about MedCom, and what that meant for them and Lilliana, and…that was all she could give her for now.

Callie looked back into her apartment one last time, taking inventory of the lonely life she had built for herself, feeling herself hoping for change. The rooms were vast, populated with things, and devoid of soul. She was about to fix all that, selfishly hoping for stability in place of stasis. She knew she didn't have much to offer, she had become this constantly struggling, emotionally stunted mess. But, if Arizona would let her, she would to be with her, maybe, hopefully for good this time.

* * *

Arriving at Arizona's apartment door, she stood there nervously with the hand holding the minimalist bouquet of tulips and orchids out, a finger poised on the bell, whilst the other hand cradled a bottle of white wine; a favourite of Arizona's if her memories of the blonde were anything to go by. A ruckus from inside confused her momentarily, but then she proceeded to ring the bell.

Arizona looked a vision is blue printed knee length dress, complete with a broad belt, but what caught her attention was the beautiful but sheepish smile that was on the blonde's face. Callie's smile and hello was drowned out by the voices of their colleagues from inside the apartment.

The brunette craned her neck sideways to get a look inside the apartment – "Arizona, what's going on?"

"Callie, I'm so sorry! Bailey had an emergency, and we have a new and brilliant doctor coming in today. She was supposed to schmooze her and wine and dine her at her own place, but there was a plumbing emergency, so she shifted it here. I left messages…" – she kept on rambling at an alarming rate, a little confused by the look of utter dejection on the brunette's face.

"Oh. Okay" – That was all Callie had to say on the matter, as she stood there, plotting Bailey's early demise. It was enough to have to build up her nerves once to have the conversations she was hoping to tonight, but to have to do it all over again?! That was some hellish torture right there.

The look on Callie's face promoted Arizona to say just the wrong thing, "Callie com'on? It's not like it was a date or anything! It was dinner, right? No candles, or jazz, no flowers" – Callie's hand holding the flowers stretched father away, even more hidden from the blonde's view now.

"You could have told me!" – Callie cut off her explanation – "Everyone's better dressed, and I look like a slob!"

The brunette's accusing tone had squarely put them on the wrong foot as Arizona violently snatched the bottle of wine Callie had thrust into her chest.

"Thanks!" – the blonde barked as she began retreating from the door not bothering to invite Callie in, the invitation clear enough on its own. Callie stood still at the door; feeling pissed off and cheated out of her moment of courage. As Arizona walked into a sea of people, Callie quickly turned away from the open door and tucked the small bouquet into her jacket, hiding the flowers by zipping it up.

She walked in and confidently made a bee-line for the balcony that looked relatively empty. She picked up a glass of whatever alcohol was being served on her way. Reaching the balcony she poised over the railing that stopped a little ways above her waste; to anyone looking up from outside the building it would look like she was about to jump. She made a not so funny, dark joke about it to herself as she took out the hidden bouquet from within her jacket and threw the thing to the ground with frustrated ferocity.

She cursed under her breath as Derek Shepherd's voice pulled her out of her reverie.

"What 'you doing out here, Torres?"

She turned around to look at him. She smirked as she took him in; jeans tighter than hers, a white shirt, a loosened tie and a fitted leather jacket – "what's it to you, Shepherd?"

The man returned a warm, understanding smile, ones she hated because it meant he was going to try to talk to her with sympathy. Derek just wasn't good at that sort of thing.

He slid in next to her. They both faced the glass sliding door watching the party unfold as they leant against the railing of the balcony.

"So?" he began tentatively, having to always feel around a little while conversing with Torres, the woman confounded and scared him sometimes – "was that a bouquet I saw you toss like a druggie with the cops at the door?"

Callie looked at him carefully, growing increasingly annoyed at the amused expression on his face.

"What's it to you?"

"I just" –

"I was going to ask her out?"

"Who?" – He asked, sounding confused.

"Your mother! She's sweet on me! Who the fuck do you think?!"

"Right, right" – he scratched his head, feeling a little out of his depth – "so? You can still do that right?"

"Derek?"

"Hmm?"

"Don't okay? You have this married with a kid on the way vibe going for you; you have no idea what this is like." She wasn't angry; she was just asking him to be fair. He saw that.

"Sure." – He nodded in confirmation.

An amicable silence passed between them as they watched the people inside. Arizona flitted around the room, instructing the caterers and talking to her guests.

"Ever the gracious hostess" – Callie breathed out in a harsh whisper. For no apparent reason, a sense of resentment had made its way into her heart. She knew it wasn't Arizona's fault; objectively, she knew. But it wasn't going to save her from making an ass of herself.

She tried to distract herself with her next question – "so when does this new doctor get in?"

Derek pushed off as Meredith came out and looked at them with a loud and irritated huff – "there you are!" – She pointed at him, looking completely manic with an eight and a half month pregnant belly.

"Come back inside!" – She barked, as Derek immediately leapt to walk beside her.

"You too, Callie! The new doc's here!" – Her voice scared Callie into action as well.

She walked inside with a direct and clear view of the door way. There stood Doctor Lauren Boswell in all her glory, shaking her Arizona's hand and graciously handing the peds surgeon a bouquet of tulips and orchids that looked a little worse for wear.

Her bouquet.

This was more excitement than she could handle.

* * *

**A/N:** Another chapter, and then the storm, I think. We are nearing the end. Reviews please!


	18. The Things We Know

**Chapter Fifteen**

**The Things We Know**

**Disclaimer: **All characters on the show belong to ABC and SR. I make no profit & no copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** I will be going in and out of the characters' heads without my standard use of the single quotes for internal monologues.

All mistakes are my own.

_Note that some of the spellings may be different because I've grown up with the Queen's English._

_Reviews keep me interested and give me ideas, so please water this plant._

**_Onward_**

* * *

This was enough! It was the freaking icing on the darned cake that was her life. Here she was, trying, moving with and against the current; confused about so many things and sure about the one thing that mattered – her love and the possibility of a commitment now she was sure she was dying to make to the blonde haired, blue eyed woman across the room. She became surer of it whilst she watched that Boswell flirt with Arizona, touch her arm in that innocent but electrifying way, squeeze her upturned palm to say thank you to pass the fucking salt! It's salt! You can shrug at her; give her a shrug of thanks.

Arizona on the other hand kept looking at Callie with an utter and almost unkind curiosity. It was enough to make the brunette sweat under the collar.

The crowd was thinning, and Callie wanted to stay back. It was just Bailey, Boswell, herself and Cristina. Arizona's personal stash of wine had come out, and Cristina and Callie were getting into the bourbon. Now it was just a matter of waiting it out, so she could speak to Arizona. She was going to have this conversation today, even if it killed her.

As luck would have it, being persistently uncooperative as it had been this entire evening, while she offered to help with the clean-up, so did Boswell. That led to a whole polite juggle and shuffle between the two blondes, as Bailey left siting Tuck as a reason and the words 'clean' and 'up' in the same sentence had Cristina flying out the door at an ungodly speed.

All the "I insist" and "no you musn't" led to Boswell and Arizona agreeing to a coffee at some point later in the week, while Callie stood in the corner, brooding.

Then she heard the most anticipated words of the evening as Boswell wished Arizona a warm goodbye and threw a semi-casual "maybe we'll work together soon" and left. So there they were, sans the party and waiting to clean-up.

The events of the entire evening, Callie's resentment, and Arizona's confused anger, had them scattered in the two corners of the drawing-dining. The caterers had cleaned up after themselves for the most part. It was only the odd counter that needed wiping down or dishes that needed drying or the couch cushion that needed a nudge from here to there.

Arizona was the first to realise that it made for a very thin and poor façade. She sighed, that uncharacteristically long sigh that floated between love and exasperation; a sigh she and Callie had grown to know intimately well. Once it had been in their bed in the middle of their love making where the wait would break the blonde as Callie continued to kill her with kindness, and what a death it had been?! But now the damn thing was re-purposed for difficult conversations they'd both willingly and happily avoid, but now knew well enough to have them. This was a different kind of excruciating; and far less enjoyable.

"You could have asked me…" Arizona's shy declaration had Callie looking up from her aimless re-re-re-arrangement of the couch cushions. The blonde, it seemed had begun her short trek towards her at the same time as she'd spoken.

Arizona came to a grinding halt as her eyes found rest and reprieve in Callie's. Drawn in, now there was only a couch between them. The blonde leant her upper body towards the brunette's, her hands resting on the back of the couch. The air around them became dense with understanding. Could it really be that all this time, while Callie was silently brooding in one corner of the apartment and Arizona was taking her role as the near ethereal, mirthful hostess so seriously, under it all, the two had been reading each other perfectly without knowing it?

"Asked you what?" Callie took a moment to take Arizona's hand in hers, gently tugging, and then seating them both on the couch.

"Huh!" the blonde gave a light chuckle as she looked at their hands still intertwined, squeezing lightly in an act of silent reassurance, she continued "whatever it was that you wanted to ask me tonight?"

Callie looked at her with that childlike awe that had Arizona falling in love with her a little deeper still - "how could you?"

"You keep forgetting, and I keep reminding you!" the blonde laughed "I know you…maybe better than I did before Africa, I do! And, more than anything else, I want to keep getting to know you, all my life."

"Yes, but" –

- "Callie" – she smiled, almost knowingly – "just ask me? Yeah?"

The brunette drew in a deep and fortifying breath "would you…I was thinking you…I thought maybe…" – a deep exhale tapered out into nervous laughter as the brunette looked more and more spooked by the second. Then a polemic look of realisation dawned on Callie's face – "you were flirting with Dr. Boswell." It wasn't anything really, there was neither anger, nor an accusation couched in the statement; just something that had hit her in the midst of almost taking that one step that she'd thought would bring her, them – immense happiness. But, if Arizona was flirting with pretty, confident blondes with legs that went on for miles then where were they really?

Arizona's mouth hung agape. Here she was, thinking that Callie would finally take that step that only she could for the two of them. This wasn't in Arizona's hands. It was all Callie; the brunette needed to do this, in her own time, for both their sanity. And for a moment Arizona had thought she'd read it in her eyes; that fiery impatience that she'd fallen in love with, Callie's huger for her, for them. She'd thought for a moment that it had perhaps won over everything else, that after being drowned for so long, she'd breathed life back into it again. It was moments like this, when Callie took a step back, out of fear, out of mistrust, that broke her heart a little. They came ever so often and beat at her commitment and confidence, made her question herself; on most days she'd find new conviction to love Callie just that much harder, but of late it was becoming more and more difficult. A complacent frustration seemed to be clouding her mind and pushing her towards what she knew would be unproductive anger. But, she couldn't stop it, stop herself. Not today.

"So what if I did?" she barked, surprising Callie. The saddened look on the brunette's face led her to soften immediately, "Callie, I…" –

- "I can't ask you what I want to ask you if you're flirting with other women and what not! I mean do you know how hard this is to do?" – Callie shot up and out of her seat now, her hands flailing, her shoulders tensed, pacing, her eyes were wild with panic – "do you know the kind of confidence it takes?" – She paused, finally facing the blonde who continued smiling at her unnervingly – "for someone like me? With all that's happened? To ask a shiny, happy person like you out on a date?!"

Arizona's face broke into an unapologetic, beaming, wide smile.

"Why are you smiling?" – The brunette asked confused – "Answer me, damnnit!"

Arizona got up from her place on the couch. It took all her self-restraint not to jump Callie's bones right then and there. Ravish her beyond human capacity, till they'd both turned into lewd heat, hidden from the world.

She walked to the brunette, stopping right in front of her. "It was an office party."

"So?" Callie huffed, her arms folding in a defensive stance.

Arizona continued to smile, the picture of both calm and mischief. "So I was supposed to reel her in! Bailey said" –

- "Yeah, well Bailey said wrong!"

The blonde leaned in, her breath tickling her throat Callie's cheek "you're cute when you're jealous." Arizona pulled back with a chuckle, enjoying making the brunette squirm.

"I'm not…I don't…that's just…" – the brunette sputtered as the Arizona started walking her towards the door – "will you _just_, don't do that. Don't flirt with her, or…or anyone…just" –

- "Flirt with you?" Arizona finished with a casual playfulness, shrugging her shoulders.

They were almost to the door now as she handed Callie her coat.

For the fifth time this evening Callie looked delectably confused. She took her coat from the blonde and gathered her purse as well "wait, you're throwing me out?"

Arizona continued gently pushing her out of the door. She turned the woman around with a sudden and possessive jolt, pinning her against the door. Her eyes were aggressive and flooding with a heat Callie hadn't seen in a very long time.

The kiss was rough and exhausting, Callie's lungs burned in happy surprise, as she remembered a fraction of what being taken by Arizona had felt like. Arizona broke the kiss, just as she's begun it.

Leaning her forehead on Callie's she manoeuvred her hand around the brunette. She could see Callie's body tense in anticipation. She couldn't help smirking at how their bodies still recognised the others.'

She took a hold of the door knob; the sound of the door clicking open drew Callie from her trance as she stumbled a little gracelessly out of the apartment.

"What the fuck?" she said, completely incensed.

Arizona looked at her, up and down, like a hunter looking at its prey. Her hands rested on the side of the door as she pretty much blocked the entrance to her apartment – "if you stay, Calliope…" she drew the name out, savouring its feel on her tongue – "then I'm going to have sex with you. And, that would be" she paused to take in a deep shuddering breath, feeling her knees weaken a little – "wrong." Callie took a step towards her, her mouth open as if to say something in protest, only to be met by a pale finger on her lip – "pick me up, Friday at seven."

"Mwf?"

Arizona smiled at her sheepishly, removing her finger from her lip as Callie reiterated her question – "what?"

"Friday, at seven. I know your schedule" the blonde rolled her eyes, already retreating back into her apartment – "I know my schedule. So? Friday, at seven. Pick me up. Take me out. Some place with music?"

Callie nodded dumbly. _What just happened?!_

While Callie made no move to leave her spot at Arizona's door, the blonde had now almost closed it, her smiling face a preamble to the end of the evening, when suddenly she opened the door wide open.

Arizona stood there with a bright smile and an expression like she'd just remembered something important as she spoke in an excited voice – "oh! And next time? Just give me flowers, yeah?"

"Wait, _you knew?_"

"I know everything!" the blonde said cheerily.

A peck on the lips while Callie still stood there, confused. Arizona scrambled inside her home, closing the door behind her.

Callie could only nod to herself in befuddlement. _Friday couldn't get here soon enough!_

* * *

The knock on the door had her sprinting towards her while her heart beat hard in her ears. She opened the door hurriedly, with a slam. The face in front of her was not the one she had expected.

"Dr. Boswell, what are you doing back here?" Arizona's shock was evident in her voice.

"I…umm…" the woman gingerly walked into the apartment, her movements sly and without remorse "forgot to take my purse."

Arizona looked on with a confused expression on her face – "Dr. Boswell, it's right there, on your shoulder." She pointed at it to make her point.

"Oh!" the woman said feigning surprise as she walked a few steps towards Arizona "then I must have forgotten to thank you properly".

She leaned in, her eyes closing, the languid pace prolonging the inevitable and torturous collision. Arizona stood there, rooted to the ground too shocked for words. Lauren's lips were soft against hers; jarringly different from the ones she'd just tasted moments ago, and cold. As soon as the shock wore off, she pushed the woman off her roughly.

"What the fuck are you doing!?" she barked at her, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

Lauren moved in yet again, the smirk on her face one of triumph "just seeing what all the fuss is about."

She did not anticipate the next series of events that would take place. Her second attempt at kissing the blue eyed peds surgeon was rewarded by a swift hit to her nose that had her reeling back. The shock of the hit led her to involuntarily bit her own lip, drawing blood.

"Oh my god!" she bellowed like a branded cow "you head butted me! Who does that?!"

Arizona rushed to her in concern and professional courtesy – "Dr. Boswell, I'm so sorry!" – She sounded genuine enough, even if she was trying to supress her laughter – "it's just, I felt threatened and" –

- "I kissed you the first time! Why didn't you stop me then? Why did you" –

- "You caught me by surprise! The second time, it was just instinct…my dad's a marine, so I was taught to hit hard so that I'd only have to hit once and" –

- "Save me the family history, Robbins!"

"Right! Yes, yes, I'll get you an ice pack. I'm so sorry, I'll just be back, you just wai" –

- "Don't bother! I'll ice it at the hotel" – she touched her nose – "fuck!" – She hissed, sure that she'd have two black eyes come tomorrow morning. She made a quick exit out of the apartment as Arizona followed her out.

There standing right outside was a woman with a smirk on her face.

"Nurse Coleen?" Arizona asked with a sudden panic in her voice, as she wondered how much Callie's favourite Head Ortho nurse and her one time tryst had seen and heard.

"Dr. Robbins" she greeted her calmly, while Coleen watched Lauren leave with a hand cupping her nose.

"What are you doing back here?" the blonde asked her in a stern, slightly annoyed voice.

"I actually _did_ forget my purse" she gestured to the inside of Arizona's apartment "for real" she smirked as she went in to retrieve her purse.

Arizona followed her in "it isn't what it looked like, Coleen."

"So she didn't kiss you then?" Coleen asked in a low chuckle.

"No! I…I mean she did, but" –

- "It was nice seeing you again Arizona" she said as she walked out with a mirthful bounce in her step.

This did not bode well for the blonde at all.

* * *

A/N: Another chapter and the epilogue left. Look sharp people. Again, un-beta'd and unedited. Too tired to work on it right now. Will edit it and re-post again. For now read with all the mistakes, laugh at them if you like. But, only a little.


	19. Like a Broken Record

**Chapter Sixteen**

**The End is in the Beginning**

**_'Like a Broken Record'_**

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters belong to SR and ABC. No profit being made and no copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** I'll be shaking things up this chapter. Stick around for something a little different folks!

Back to thoughts being in 'Single quotes' and flashbacks in_ italics._

_Also, I grew up with the Queen's English, so some of the spellings may be different._

**Beta: Darkwlight7 (this has been written months in advanced and Beta'd months in advance).**

**Onward**

* * *

It had become painfully obvious. In the middle of all the fire and brimstone of a freaking super storm and the chaos of locked medicine drawers, and failing generators – Calliope Torres, love of her life, was hell bent on avoiding her. Arizona hadn't helped herself; the less than baseless rumours of her flirtation with Dr. Boswell had spread like wild fire. But, while a part of her felt guilty, they hadn't _done_ anything…_she_ hadn't done anything. It was just a few coffees, and smiles. They were two powerful, attractive and established women working together, cordially, despite all the previous ugliness, and people couldn't help but notice them. Arizona was doing her job, like she was supposed to, and she felt bad about punching Dr. Boswell's face...with her head. The rumours were dangerous and had Callie running hot and cold.

Things with Callie were erratic, nervous, shifting; they were tempestuous. Callie and she were locked in this dance of cascading silences, everything about Callie was just grated and raw _again_, the mistrust, it would seem was back, and it hurt Arizona to touch her sometimes. It hurt Arizona when she couldn't fix her or sooth her. Callie almost always had a haunted look in her eyes, and it was killing Arizona to share in that fear and in that darkness, so Arizona was being an ass – _for like a second_, because she needed a break. Their date had gone well, but there was still this emptiness; Callie wouldn't give herself over completely. The taboo topics still remained taboo; Mark, Lilliana, they were yet to be shared. Arizona wanted a partnership of equals, and Callie's silence seemed to lead them bang in the opposite direction.

But, now she couldn't find Callie, in the middle of a storm – she couldn't find her and she pretty'd much rebuffed Boswell big time, cattily in fact – because she was worried, because it was hell outside and Callie was nowhere in sight. And, she was afraid that Callie had heard, and had come to her very mistrusting conclusions. _'Arizona Robbins, you are a fucking genius! You managed to mess things up without messing up, and that takes talent.'_

"Robbins?!" Someone was shouting for her from down the hall. She ran towards his voice, her feet pounding on the floor "Robbins, you need to come, **_now!_**" – yup, Hunt was losing it.

She'd have to think of the Callie thing later.

* * *

_There were a lot of things that were so very abnormal about the storm that raged outside. For whilst cows were not comically flying in the middle tornadoes, the infrastructural machinery of an entire city was coming to a grinding halt. It was a reminder to those of them that had survived the crash of what nature was truly capable of. The destruction always seemed so effortless. _

_But, the one thing that was normal, but in its normalcy gave Calliope Torres no solace whatsoever was the fact of puke. _

* * *

_In a seven-eleven, a few hours ago, knowing that a storm was about to break and crush the people of Seattle in many small and different little ways, Tony Mariano, a college dropout, once serviceman and now drug addict had decided to try his hand at petty crime. What later proved to be his colossal mistake was holding someone at knife point for a pink mango slushy of all things. He'd taken the money and stopped for an invigorating snack. The nearby beat cop had walked in hoping to stock up on cigarettes while he fought the soon to be mounted natural onslaught on an already crumbling city. The sky outside was swimming with ink and the air was becoming solid with now near torrential winds as he entered the store. _

_Tony's choice of weapon, a knife, clattered to the floor as he dropped his pink mango from his other hand. Today Tony had learnt a new and important lesson - taizers hurt like a mother. There were two others (something about a knife to a gun fight and it pays to pay for a product) – but he couldn't quite remember them while he was twitching on the floor, peeing himself. And, as luck would have it, while going down he landed on his arm wrong, summarily dislocating it. Today was not Tony's day._

_When he radioed in, Officer Harris was directed to Seattle Grace Mercy West as one of the emergency centers handling trauma. _

* * *

_"Hi, Mr. Mariano" Fake cheeriness abounded in Callie's 'Doctor Torres' voice for her patient as she was briefed on what had happened to Tony. _

_"Mrrrph." Gurgled her prized patient. The jerk, though far be it for Callie to judge, was trying to rob an honest and hard-working man and tried to take advantage of the growing chaos of a city in panic. And although parts of her heart were often frozen solid, the doctor part of Callie was still capable of empathy. But, she couldn't bring herself to garner any empathy or sympathy for him. _

_"Mr. Mariano, sir, before I treat you I'm going to have to ask you a few questions – "_

_"Just get to it you fucking cun – " Harris physically jerked the foul mouthed moron by his Tee collar – "apologise to the nice Doctor lady!" came his big booming voice. _

_Callie didn't like the cop much either, he was enjoying this too much – "please, Officer Harris, that won't be necessary."_

_"Like hell it won't..." he shook Tony again, who in turn wailed an apology while reeling from the pain in his dislocated and agitated arm. _

_'For the love of Christ's bobble head!' She took a deep and calming breath whilst thinking why she was getting all the looney tune cases today – "look, Officer Harris."_

_"It's Leonard." He took a step towards her, a sly smile making its way to his lips. __**'God! He was trying to flirt with her'. **__He was not a bad looking man, but the brunette was just not interested, more importantly she was kind of busy falling for someone else right now. She was surprised by the sheer fact that she was ready to admit it to herself. It was always one step forward, two steps back with them. _

_Arizona and she had been talking…well, mostly talking, but all those lines had been drawn in the sand. Everything she was feeling right now, everything she was afraid to feel; it was more than something trivial or residual. I was real and it__** was**__ there._

_"Look, Officer Harris, why don't you hold him down" – Harris moved to hold Tony down._

_"What? Like this?" He asked, smirking a little at the short howl the perp rewarded him with._

_Callie cringed at his glee, but went on – "yeah, exactly like that." She gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Tony, I can tell you've had something, okay?" Her voice was dripping with a chilling calm; it didn't go unnoticed by Harris who was beginning to respect the woman more for real now and less for show. _

_Tony for his part couldn't form an entire sentence. 'Fucking wimp!' thought Harris. _

_"Tony. Hey! Hey! Look at me!" Dr. Torres was shouting at him now, trying to get his somewhat drug addled brain to pay attention to her and what she was about to say next. "I'm sorry, okay buddy? But, I can't give you any drugs right now. Okay? But I have to fix this before it gets worse." _

_Tony let out a high pitched squeal of fear, very unbecoming of a knife wielding robber. _

_"Tony! Look at me!" He looked at her with droopy eyes. "Nod okay? Nod if you understand." Seeing him nod, she threw a "hold on tight, Harris" to the officer and popped Tony's arm back into place. She was concentrating so hard on his arm that she missed the green and emaciated look on his face, a look doctors otherwise knew well as 'the throw-up face'. In that second Tony emptied his stomach contents on Callie's Doctor's coat as Harris jumped back in disgust._

_"Ekh!" Callie stood back to survey the damage for herself, puke didn't really rattle her after more than a decade of studying and administering medicine, but it __**was**__ disgusting as hell. She shook her hands to get some of it off when she noticed the colour – pink._

_"Officer Harris?" the cop looked up, taking note of Dr. Torres's take-charge attitude – "what was the last thing he ate?"_

_"Why the fuck does that matter?" he asked thoroughly perplexed by the question. _

_"Because this is all pink, and he could be bleeding interna" – the cop burst out in a loud and unattractive cackle, cutting her off mid-sentence. _

_"What?" Callie asked him, loud and exasperated._

_"The…" he stopped to draw a breath, still recovering from his laughing fit…"the bastard was drinking a pink-mango slushy!" _

_She was about done with these two and she really, really needed to change out of this coat and scrubs. As she began to turn, she heard a deep and booming voice she didn't even know she'd been missing terribly – "Torres! Back to grunt work I see!"_

_She turned around completely – "Richard!" she'd said it with a smile in her voice. She was about to give him a hug when a sharp look from him reminded her of the state she was currently in. "What are you doing here?!You retired so, how did you get in?!" She felt like she was seeing an old friend, and in truth she was. _

_"Woah, woah. Slow down!" he laughed whilst quickly surveying the situation behind her. "I __**am**__ retired, but I was close when the storm hit and I thought you guys could always use more hands. And as to how I got in, I went to Burney" – he saw Callie's face change in confusion – "the security guard who mans the main entrance? Seriously Torres, you guys own this place, learn their names!"_

_She nodded her head, urging him to go on with a look of devilish earnestness – __**'she wouldn't be learning any names!' **_

_"Anyway, I went to his son's bar mitzvah!" He waited for her to say something even though he knew that that would be explanation enough, and it was. _

_"Okay." Callie smiled, her voice was a little playful – "then you can finish putting Tony in a sling and I'll go…" she pointed at herself – "change?"_

_"Sure!" he smiled moving towards the patient._

_She started walking away, only to turn back abruptly – "Richard?"- She'd said it with a certain softness she'd forgotten she had always had for those she cared about._

_"Hmmmm?" he asked without looking back._

_"It's good to see you." She said._

_Webber turned back to look at her, he had a bright 'Richard smile' that was so typically __**him**__, and always seemed to say he knew some secret they didn't – "you too Torres… you too."_

* * *

_She was in the locker room, about to put on her coat when she heard someone in the hall asking for assistance. It was that damned intern, 'Mousy.' She came running in – "Dr. Torres, we have an emergency MedEvac chopper landing on the helipad on the roof!" _

_They started running toward the roof immediately._

_"What?! That's preposterous! In these winds?!" she'd asked in broken breaths while running._

_"It was already en-route before the storm hit…" Mousy huffed…"they were flying the patient in for surgery from Tacoma – we're the closest stop, and equipped to keep the guy alive till this blows over. "_

_Callie rolled her eyes as they heard a pager going off. She began to check for her page when Heather said – "you go ahead Dr. T!" she stopped abruptly, "I've got to go check on Medusaaaa!" her shout continued to echo behind Callie as she kept running towards the roof._

_Officer Harris saw her from the corner of the corridor. He had taken to wandering the halls since his now passed-out charge bored him. He was doing all the odd stuff that big burly men did in emergencies. Pull things, push them, break them; he'd just helped a Dr. Bailey beat the crap out of a password protected medicine cabinet. He wondered what the good doctor was up to and got it in his head to follow her._

_"Hey doc?!" he called from beside her, easily keeping in stride with her. Callie faltered a little but righted herself. "Jesus, Harris!" she huffed – "You scared me!"_

_"I'm going to the roof, MedEvac's on route!"_

_"In these winds?! That's just…"_

_"Insane! I know!"_

_"Why aren't we taking the elevator?" They were running up the stairs gingerly, for now. _

_"We?" she asked him a little perplexed – "you don't have to – "_

_He cut her off with a wheeze – "officer of the law, sense of duty, cool gory crap – that kind of thing!"_

_She gave him a twisted smile, a love for gore. She got that. _

_"Fine" – she conceded – "no elevators – if the power goes off, we'll be stuck and stuffed!"_

_ "Okay, then." The officer nodded behind her. This was going to be fun. _

* * *

_Callie and Harris stopped for a split second at the door to the roof to catch their breaths. The brunette quickly punched in the code and the lock clicked open. They both walked on to the roof, completely wind swept and instantly freezing._

_"It's gonna rain, Doc!" Harris bellowed over the howling winds. Callie liked this guy, he was kind of simple and had a big mouth, but he wanted to help. _

_"Nothing gets past you, does it Harris?!" she laughed, rubbing her arms, trying to keep the chill at bay._

_They both kept looking at the night sky, and as they heard the rhythmic machine gun like beat of the chopper, the lights on the roof and the bulbs outlining the helipad began to flicker until they died entirely. _

_The Cop and the Doctor looked on in fascinated horror as the smoky outline of a MedEvac chopper pivoted wildly to the side. The Lights of the chopper flashed violently for a second as it swayed and the hooked ends of the landing stands caught the side of the roof. What followed were silent screams, as the air from Callie's lungs got trapped in her throat. The chopper crashed once over looking like a child's toy and it dragged, and bounced into the helipad. The noise of metal, rubble and concrete grating together in a vicious symphony jarred the woman's memory, sending her back to another plane and another time. The chopper had been slow and thankfully the damage had not been so severe._

_She felt a pain flash in her side, only to be tackled to the ground from the other. _

_The chopper moved, slowly, heavily. Grinding and annihilating the floor under it until it came to a staggering halt, its nose teetering over the other end of the flat roof. _

_"Fuck!" Harris hissed for a breath. Somewhere during the crash, the dark charcoal sky had flashed with ruthless thunder, birthing the rueful laughter of cold and abrasive rain. _

_He got off of Callie, who was fighting for breath too it seemed. _

_"Doc, you okay?!"_

_"Help me up" was all that came by way of an answer._

_Harris did as he was asked. Callie turned around to look at the decimated metal beast, trying her damnest to keep on a level head. Harris followed her line of sight._

_"You thinking we should check on them, Doc?"_

_His voice pulled her out of whatever dark-hole she was stuck in. She took a large gulp of air, noting that the simple task caused a rampant tide of pain and nausea to overtake her body. She doubled over in pain, hissing as tears began to form in her eyes, mixing with the unrelenting rain. _

_Harris rushed to her – "hey, you okay?!" – his voice was couched in pure humane concern. It made Callie want to cry even harder._

_She took a hold of his arm which was anchored on her shoulder and pulled herself up to her entire gait, standing and telling her body to override the pain. "Harris – " she smiled, he had an Ajax like intellect it seemed, endearing almost every other time, but never during an emergency – "why don't we try the door first, yeah?"_

_He gave her a dopey-sheepish smile, scratching his five-o'clock shadow – "first time I met you?" – he said walking to the door – "I knew you were something special!"_

_His jokes aside, she felt about ready to drop to the ground in the feotal position and cry till the rapture; it looked like the rapture anyway. But, she curtailed the need; they needed help, all of them. The growing pain in her side let her know something was wrong. She straightened up and felt her abdomen with her hand but she was too shook up to make anything of it._

_"Hey Doc!" Harris's voice, slight in the wind, caused her to stop the self-assessment. _

_Seeing her walk towards him, now sure that he had her attention – "this thing needs a passcode." _

_"Right" It was her turn to look sheepish. She punched in the code, and… nothing. She tried it again and again, but to no avail. She stopped, 'focus Callie, focus damnit!' She tried the code again, this time with a mad and frustrated laugh as she was met with the same result. She kicked the door as Harris looked on in fear and confusion, the doc was losing it. _

_"Damn, fucker! This crap always happens to me!" – she kicked the door again, this time stumbling back. Harris caught her and sat her down on the ground. _

_"So, what now?" he asked. "Should I try and break it down?"_

_"Hah!" she laughed another one of those scary sinister and ugly laughs – "you could try, but…" she sighed wiping at her nose and putting a hand to her abdomen, her face contorted with a momentary and fleeting look of pain. _

_"Should I shoot at it then?" he asked again, this time he began to feel a faint numbness from the cold outside and the burgeoning dread inside. He took to pacing a small and repetitive path in front of the doctor. _

_She shook her head in the negative – "no." She pointed at the door – "by chance it ricochets? It could hit me, or you, or – "_

_" – Com'on doc!" he cut her off, hands on his head, the frustration clear in his voice – "we're dead anyway, right? The cold, and the wind, I feel like death out here already, and you I can tell… something's wrong" – he was squatting in front of her now, pleading for her to go along with his plan. _

_"Harris, on the off chance that the bullet ricochets and hits the chopper's fuel tank, we're going to kill them, us and take out at least a sizable chunk of the hospital! You want to be the cop that killed those may people in a freaking hospital?!" her voice was muted by the crackling thunder and the wailing winds, but the anger shone strong in her eyes. _

_"No" he replied with a tense jaw. "Here, get up!" he resentfully guided her against the wall adjoining the door to access the roof. _

_"Wait!" he was speaking in her face, 'ugh!' – "what the fuck is wrong with us!? Try your fucking phone Doc! And I'll try my radio!"_

_He went to unclip his radio at his hip when he realised it was in fact not there. It lay crushed on the floor somewhere, after he had tackled the good doctor to the ground. _

_Callie reached to fish her phone out when she was hit by the terrifying realization that it was in fact in her Doctor's coat, which right now was packed up in a trash bag waiting for a wash and a dry clean._

_"I left – "_

_"I don't – " _

_They spoke simultaneously and shared a morbid laugh together, the kind born from paralysing dread._

_"Okay then", said Harris, taking out a flash light from his belt and walking towards the crashed chopper. He turned back just in time to notice the doctor trying to get up – "nope" – he'd said it like she was a K-9 cop in training, she felt an anger well up inside her. Harris saw the change but was firm – "no doc, come on. Let me check on them, you don't look so hot. Just wait there." _

_It had been a good few minutes as Harris surveyed the crash for possible survivors – "these poor fucks!"_

_"What?"_

_He began walking towards her, speaking when he was finally in hearing range – "three guys; patient's a goner, the others are out cold, bleeding heads, weird angles, good as dead if you ask me. Nothing in there to help us. Blankets etc. will get soaked, and I won't pry a windcheater off of a dying guy" He sat down next to her holding out a flashlight he'd found in the debris. _

_"Here, never say I didn't give you nothing!" he bumped their shoulders together, turning his own flash light on. "Why don't we check what's going on under there?" he pointed to her abdomen with the light._

_"Yeah." She lifted her scrub top reluctantly. They both saw it; a large purplish bruise had spread all over her abdomen. _

_"What is that doc?" he whispered, the cadence of fear obvious in his voice._

_"It's internal bleeding from a blunt force trauma. Probably a spleenic…" she took in a deep shuddering breath, "I can't… I can't think okay?! Just…let's just…"_

_"Hey. Hey!" he called to her, chiding, "a freaking chopper crashed on a freaking roof! It's actually only been like five minutes, maybe seven since it happened! Someone must have heard it right?!" He asked, positive and hopeful._

_"In principle, yes. But – "_

_" – But nothing! They'll come! Wasn't someone else on this too?!"_

_"Yeah, but she's a…" Callie was beginning to feel weak and cold and it was showing – "she's a moron intern who forgot about a chopper in a storm so – "_

_"Woah, woah! I'm trying here lady! Keep your negative shi – " _

_"I was in a plane crash." She cut him off. For the first time she'd said it to a stranger who wasn't her shrink. Rumella had already known, so there was no having to tell her. "I was in a place crash" – vulnerable and soft – "and we were in that nightmare, away from" – 'she couldn't breathe; why couldn't she breathe?' – "civilization for four days, so I get to be negative."_

_"Okay." And that was that. He wouldn't fight her on this anymore. "You wanna go out with me when this is over? For a coffee and" - _

_- "a doughnut!" - Callie cut in with a laugh._

_"Oh! Look who's got jokes!" he stopped to look at her. She was pretty, even when she looked like a drowning rat. "Com'on doc! It's one coffee, what's your excuse?"_

_Callie looked at him side ways, managing a Torres stare despite the pain - "I'm in love" she deadpanned "with a woman."_

_"Oh."_

_"You're not freaked out right?! Big tough cop scared of a lady lover?"_

_"Are you kidding?!" Harris laughed "I love lesbian!"_

_"Is this going to take a dirty turn, Harris?" she breathed in a ragged breath, talking took her mind off the now growing numbness._

_"What?!" he was red with embarrassment "my ex-wife's a lesbian!"_

_"Ohhhhkay..." Callie breathed, suddenly neither one of them knew what to do with that. _

_Harris shifted a little, putting an arm around her for warmth - "you know they heard it right?! They'd have to be idiot's not to figure it out."_

_Callie sighed - "they probable think it's the" – _

* * *

_" – antenna" – answered Leah. _

_Cristina Yang looked mighty skeptical – "that did not feel like the antenna on the roof." They were debating what the vibrations and noises they'd felt and heard were. The ceiling had shaken wildly enough for them to think it would collapse, and that's all they needed at this point._

_When they'd heard it they'd held their breaths collectively. It wasn't just loud sound; it was a crash and drag that went on for a good minute. At the time they'd thought it was the giant antenna that had fallen and been dragged by the wind. But, now as the clock ticked by and they finished their surgery they were all being nagged by this indefinable something. But going to the roof would also be a great hassle, all the stairs, the door that probably wouldn't open, the rain, the winds._

_"Is Dr. Hunt here?" Heather's annoying rodent voice came from the doorway._

_"No" – answered a few of them together. _

_"Well, I was just looking for him. If you find him, could you tell him I finally have a bed in the ICU ready for the roof-dude?"_

_"Wait?!" Cristina asked harshly – "what roof dude?!" – she felt a bone deep fear creeping in. _

_"Dr. Hunt? He asked me to get a few people to the roof and get the ICU ready, and I sent Dr. T…" Cristina's mad eyes made her rethink the name – "orres to the roof…"_

_Cristina charged at her, but her voice was placid – "who else?"_

_Heather gulped, slowly realizing that she's been missing something really big here – "who else what?"_

_"Who else did you send her up with?!"_

_"No… uhhh… no one. I… I thought she'd get someone to go with her?! Like on her" – _

_"Get out of my way" – Cristina was speaking slowly and deliberately now, every word sheathed with a controlled ferocity – "get more people with you, a crowbar, a power saw, whatever is battery operated, and get to the roof, holler, then break the door down! Do you understand me?"_

_Heather stood there like a statue, frozen to the ground with fear… 'what in the hell was going on?'_

_"Nod Mousy. Say yes and nod and then back away."_

_She gave an imperceptible nod and began running to do as she was told. _

_Cristina turned back to look at the rest of them, they looked completely dazed. _

_"Dr. Yang?"_

_"It was a chopper. Probably not a big crash, but something's hinky."_

_"What?" someone had asked in a whisper._

_Cristina was looking at the floor, her eyes scanning the tiles like they had the answers in them. Her eyes snapped up, ever the determined and calm doctor, she said - "get ready for multiple trauma cases; I'm going to find Dr. Hunt." With that, she turned around and sprang into action. _

* * *

_ The door to the on-call room slammed open with a threatening bang. He looked up to see a sullen but dogged face in front of him. That one look told him everything he needed to know._

_"Cristina, is it Meredith?" He asked while spryly standing up, ready to run to wherever it was that they were needed._

_"No Owen, it's the chopper – "_

_"What about it?"_

_"I think it… I think it crashed, and I think Callie was there. _

_They'd started at a full sprint now._

* * *

She couldn't find Callie, in the middle of a storm, she couldn't find her and she pretty much rebuffed Boswell big time, cattily in fact – because she was worried; because it was hell outside and Callie was nowhere in sight. And, she was afraid that Callie had heard, and had come to her very mistrusting conclusions. _'Arizona Robbins, you are a fucking genius! You managed to mess things up without messing up, and that takes talent.'_

"Robbins?!" Someone was shouting for her from down the hall. She ran towards his voice, her feet pounding on the floor "Robbins, you need to come now!" – 'yup, Hunt was losing it.'

She'd have to think of the Callie thing later.

* * *

**A/N:** I know, I know. Plot recycling bad! But, I couldn't help myself! It was just so there for the taking! This is Spartaaaaaaaaaaah! I don't know why I said that, I just really wanted to I guess. More later & soon. Just the epilogue to go!


	20. Epilogue: I Wanna Hold your Hand

**Epilogue**

**The Beatles said it best**

**'I Wanna Hold Your Hand'**

* * *

**_A Conceit_**

_Give me your hand  
Make room for me  
to lead and follow  
you  
beyond this rage of poetry.  
Let others have  
the privacy of  
touching words  
and love of loss  
of love.  
For me  
Give me your hand._

**_- Maya Angelou _**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **All recognizable characters belong to SR or ABC. No profit being made here and no copyright infringement intended.

**A/N:** It has been fun guys, and more than a little heavy. Fair warning, what will follow is a tricky read; it was even trickier to write. A lot of you may not be happy with how I'm choosing to end this, but I think it's true to how I write. I want to do a resolution in a pastiche piece instead of a sequel. So let me hear your thoughts on that.

**_NOTE_: This is the third chapter being uploaded in the last 24 hours, so you might have missed the last two chapters. Read those first.**

**Beta:**_ Darkwlight7_

**_Flashbacks and dreams etc. are in italics._**

**Thoughts, sarcastic comments and Calliesque word jumbles are in 'single quotes'. **

_Anyway, enjoy!_

**Read and Review, it is after all, the last chapter!**

**_Onward_**

* * *

"You've been sitting there for a while."

Turning uncomfortably in the tiny hospital chair, cracking her back in the process, she followed that voice to the door.

Yang couldn't help but notice Robbins' bleary eyes, crusty at the corner with little sleep, her hair was _just_ both worth mentioning and forgetting, and her face was blotchy. '_Christ! She looked like crap!'_

She made her way into the room and pushed a packaged sandwich forcefully into her chest – _"Christ, Robbins!"_ her voice sounded a little hollow to the blonde's ears – _"you look like crap!" _

Arizona mumbled a joint "thanks" for the colour commentary and the sandwich. She remorsefully dug into in, only fumbling a little while opening it. It didn't taste like anything. 'That could be from the chalky sleep-mouth though.'

She turned back to settle her gaze on the pale woman on the hospital bed. It's all she seemed to do on her off days. She'd sit there like a statue, caressing Callie with the most innocent, near maternal touches, holding her hand like her life depended on it. She had learnt to tune out the machines and monitors, she was a doctor, she knew what they said, and for the last few days they'd shown no changes.

As she silently ate and intermittently rubbed little circles on the inside of Callie's palm with her thumb, she could still feel Yang's gaze burning a hole in the back of her head.

"Do you want to sit down?" she asked wearily as she turned back to look at Yang.

Cristina had been a silent fixture of her days in the hospital since Callie had slipped into a coma from blood loss and the delayed attempts at resuscitation. Arizona would often wake up to find Cristina sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, her mouth slightly open, her head bobbing down and up again as she fought sleep. Then there were the times when like today, she would come in with some food, making sure the blonde ate or drank or whatever. But, today was different, Arizona could tell – Cristina was being… ambivalent about sticking around.

She could see Yang deliberate – decide whether she would stay. The decision made, she gave a slight nod of the head and began walking to the corner where she'd stuffed her staple chair. She was stopped abruptly by the blonde – "why don't you sit here?" – Arizona was motioning towards her own chair, as she got up and took a seat next to Callie on the bed.

Yang looked at her with scrutiny, as if appraising a patient's chart – "okay" – she walked back and took up the offered seat.

A comfortable silence enveloped them, and the only sound was Callie's breathing. Yang leaned forward towards the bed, momentarily rubbing at her thighs. She anchored her elbows at her knees, readying herself to speak.

"Don't."

"Robbins" – she sighed – "we're worried about you." Cristina had expected anger, a confession of agony and sorrow, not the snort and giggle she was rewarded with.

"Oh my God!" the blonde wiped at her eyes; the tears from cracking up making her usually frozen and impassive face feel odd and uncomfortable.

"Robbins?" she asked cautiously. _'She'd finally traded her marbles for lose nuts!'_

"I…" she huffed, still recovering from the fit – "I… can't believe they sent you to have this conversation!"

Cristina looked at her with a puzzled and slightly horrified expression.

"You know you have to be sensitive right?!" she chocked on the last two words, her laughing face contorting into a grimace as the meaning and emotions behind her tears changes.

"Arizona" – she was making sure the blonde looked into her eyes – "no one sent me. I… we're friends, okay?" she rolled her eyes – "Torres and I are friends, and I think she'd want you to" –

"Stop." It wasn't harsh; it was filled with a quiet dread. As soon as the second week had rolled around Arizona had noticed the people in the hospital looking at her differently. The often repeated words of support had died, and were replaced with pitiful looks. The looks drove her crazy. _'This wait was maddening! It was making her crawl out of her skin to watch Callie just lay there!'_

In the beginning she'd been upbeat and fake-cheery-positive, lying to the people around her, lying to Callie – "you'll be fine. You look better today…" – and she was lying to herself.

Around day nine she'd started seeing things. She had run out to get the nurses because she saw Callie blink, or heard her moan or had felt her squeeze her hand.

She was happy with the lying. The lying was important. The lying kept her from going absolutely, irreparably insane.

"I can't. I can't stop" – the earnestness in Cristina's voice was unsettling, it crept in – slow and cold, infecting her chest with the flutter of dread – "I'm not asking you to give up!"

Robbins looked at her, it was a pointed glare, heavy with protectiveness and mistrust – "aren't you though?!" – her voice was raw and low with that desperate kind of anger that only the most destitute people knew; people who were stripped bare, their foundation – just a red and interminable need.

Cristina shook her head – "No, I'm… I'm not… I'm saying have lunch outside this room one of these days. I'm saying talk to us. Don't fold in on yourself like this. You need people, Robbins" – She kept a hand on Arizona's knee as a gesture of support, of kindness. It drove Arizona to low sobs and chuckles, an odd mix of emotions bubbling up inside her._ 'Yang just essentially said they were friends, it was like the twilight zone in here…'_

Robbins looked up at her, a slight smile in place – "I will" – she nodded, putting her hand on Cristina's for the fraction of a second and then turning back to watch Callie.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand, a throaty chuckle escaping her. She leant down, hovering over the supine woman; placed a hand on the side of her face, slowly brushing Callie's brow with her thumb.

Cristina had never seen something so simple and honest.

She cleared her throat – "what are you thinking Robbins?" – she asked softly – "It's been two weeks…" – she thought it best to leave the thought unfinished and let the blonde come to her own conclusions.

"She's breathing on her own now" – came a quiet and uncertain reply. Arizona didn't bother to look back, for all her fear and disquietude; she was not going to entertain any thoughts to the contrary. She bent down and lightly kissed Callie's forehead, silently urging her to open her eye. _'Look at me! Just be here with me!'_

Her eyes searched Callie's face for any movement, minute changes, anything.

She turned back to look at Cristina, who in turn had been watching her with Callie – "she's going to wake up. She has to wake up" – nothing could mute the prayer in her voice.

"Okay" – Cristina nodded. Something in the way Robbins had said it made her _almost _believe it.

Arizona turned back, her searching eyes once again studying Callie's every feature. This time her hand moved lower and stopped at the woman's clavicle, tracing the bone with bent and light fingers – "I have asked the Chaplain in the hospital to say a prayer for her at five, will you come?" – she asked Yang without turning back.

Yang gave a surprised cough, but recovered quickly – "Callie doesn't do the whole God thing anymore, you _know _right?"

"I know."

"Then why would you?" the question hung in the air for a while as Arizona fooled herself into thinking Callie's eyelids had twitched. She quickly recovered from that brief and evasive euphoria and answer Yang's question – "because she lived" – she released a long sigh – "twice now."

"Yeah" – Yang sounded sceptical – "but, she wouldn't want to give thanks for that. Not anymore."

"That's okay" – Arizona lent down again, putting her forehead against Callie's, she now spoke to her – "right, Callie?" – She caressed her cheek with one hand as the intertwined their fingers with the other, laying their joint hands at the crease of her knee – "we can be different, right? As long as we're together? We can be anything…"

* * *

_Callie had a terrible and eerie feeling that she'd been here before. She felt like she had been driving around for days only to get to the same place, minus the car. _

_It was always the same. _

_She was standing with her feet a little apart, swaying to and fro with boredom. But, the weather was always so…so peculiar. A fogy and damp heat seemed to fight a wet chill in the air. She could never tell where she was, but she was always in-between._

_Beneath her, her feet were on two terrains, clearly divided. One foot always firmly on the damp grass of some forest, and the other in the hard and dusty ground marred with cracked contours. _

_Nothing ever made sense. _

_"Callie!" – a familiar and disembodied voice called from the wet and green forest clearing._

_She looked up, a wide smile took over her face as she laughed the name into the air – "Mark!?"_

_He was stood in the distance, motionless, but he was wearing that rare smile that he'd breakout just for her. She tried to walk to him, but couldn't move. She called out to him again, waving vigorously – "get your lazy ass here, Sloan!" _

_He didn't move._

_The wind picked up, it echoed with a child's laughter. The smile was melting off her face. _

_She blinked and for the shortest time the world was drowned in a peaceful black void. _

_When she opened her eyes, he was standing closer; she didn't understand. The wind was still liquid with the trill of that high-pitched giggle, the mirth a child now mixed with what sounded like wind chimes. _

_She blinked and again a dark peace flooded her consciousness. _

_Her eyes opened again, slower this time as she saw him almost glide right in front of her, a confused smile graced her lips – "Mark! I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!" – an earnest kind of love saturated her every word – "I missed you!" – she was surprised by her own confession. 'Wasn't she seeing Mark here every day?'_

_"Yeah?" – he asked, scratching the back of his head, smiling an embarrassed smile. _

_"Yeah, you moron!" she sighed and moved to give him an excited hug, but the sound of her name startled her into abruptly stopping._

_"Calliope?!" _

_She promptly turned back to look at Arizona. She was standing in the distance with a roll-on suitcase in her hand, dragging it back and forth. It was 'so odd'; she could hear the wheels grate against the hard, cracked and dry ground. The blonde was holding some papers in the other hand and began her trek towards them. _

_"Callie?" – Mark whispered._

_"Hmmm?"_

_"We have to go." She looked at him, he was standing right beside her now, but unlike her he stood at the edge of that distinct border, his feet never leaving the moist and glossy, green blades of the forest clearing. She was straddling the middle of the border. Half in, half out – in the middle and nowhere. _

_ "Go where? –" she asked as she continued watching Arizona walk towards them._

_"Our plane is waiting" – he was becoming impatient now. _

_Callie looked up at him – "I can't leave without speaking to her first" –and as she turned to look back towards the blonde, she found that Arizona was now standing right in front of her. _

_Arizona was smiling her radiant and excited smile – "you coming?" – she asked playfully, offering a hand to Callie._

_Callie looked down at it; she was being swept by a feeling of bewilderment. _

_Mark forcefully turned her around, taking hold of her shoulders, his eyes were blazing with a stubborn love that was capable of unkindness; he looked into her eyes making sure he had her attention – "you promised me Callie" – his voice was full of a desperation she'd never witnessed in him before. _

_Arizona looked on, undeterred, her happy expression remained unchanged. _

_The laughing wind was becoming louder still._

_"Calliope?" She looked back at Arizona. The blonde was looking at her with a rare look of adoration. She offered Callie her hand again – "you coming, or not?!" – she'd laughed the question with a joyful glint in her eyes. _

_Callie stepped out of Mark's hold and stepped towards the blonde. _

_Arizona took her hand in hers, intertwining their fingers; she brought up their hands and kissing the back of Callie's._

_Callie smiled – slow and bright – "where are we going?"_

_Arizona threw her head back and laughed a warm belly-laugh; she'd started walking backwards, gently pulling Callie with her – "does it matter?" – her smile playful and seductive. _

_Arizona turned around, their hands were still linked as Callie trailed behind her, the suitcase dragging beside her was held in Arizona's other hand. _

_Callie's mind was suddenly clouded with uncertainty. She gently pulled at the hand in hers. Arizona stopped; she faltered and fumbled backwards, her back colliding with Callie's front in a thud._

_She turned around with an "uff!"_

_"Sorry, I didn't mean to – "_

_The blonde cut her off – "you don't even know how strong you are!"_

_Callie looked embarrassed, not knowing what to make of that. Her face was still adorned with that shy and breath-taking smile, but her eyes brimmed full of concern and confusion – "Arizona…" – she squeezed her hand._

_"Yes Callie?"_

_"You said" – she looked up at the sky, confused and trying to recollect something from a place of forgetfulness – "you said you didn't want me to come with you."_

_Arizona's expression changed to something that was between anger and guilt. She looked at Callie imploringly – "I was wrong to say that."_

_"But" – the brunette hesitated – "how will we work?" – she asked thoughtfully – "we want different things, we're so… different!" Her solemn question echoed around them now, the winds becoming torrential, the disembodied laughter becoming even shriller still. _

_Arizona held her hand tighter now – "it's okay Callie" – she soothed – "we can be different, right? As long as we're together? We can be anything…"_

_The blonde turned around, satisfied with the answer she'd given Callie; their hands were still intertwined as Arizona led them further into the landscape. _

_Callie's heart suddenly sped up as en inexplicable heat seemed to travel through her body attacking her every nerve ending._

_"Arizona!" – she called the blonde. The air had suddenly become arid with a prickling heat, the dust in it – slicing and biting at her skin. She was afraid the blonde's hand would slip away, and she redoubled her grip. _

_"Arizona?" – again, Callie squeezed her hand._

* * *

Callie squeezed her hand.

It was nearly indiscernible, but she felt it. The faint whisper of her name in a tiny gush of air against her lips – she felt it more than heard it.

Arizona crouched back, her eyes even more intent on Callie. She heard the loud screech of the chair dragging behind her as Cristina sprung out of it.

"You… you heard that right?!" – Robbins asked Yang in a feeble tone, her voice simultaneously full of hope and disbelief.

"Yeah" – said Yang, sounding almost afraid to disturb whatever it was that seemed to pull Callie back to them.

The readings on the monitor around them changed, not enough to alarm them, but Yang still offered to go get an army of doctors and nurses. Arizona nodded her agreement, her eyes never leaving Callie's face.

Callie's eyes were moving rapidly behind her eyelids now; her face a mask of terrified concentration. She felt a cool hand against her cheek. Her eyelids felt like they were weighed down and welded shut, but she fought the fog to open them.

She was greeted with the shimmery and wet blue eyes that had populated her thoughts for longer than she could remember.

"Arizona" – she sighed in a short whisper. She tried to swallow, but her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls and her throat was dry and sandy.

"Wait, Callie – " Arizona sniffled through the hybrid of a laugh and a cry, her wet face split in a wide sunshiny smile.

"Here" – she directed a straw to her mouth, gently supporting the brunette's head by cradling her neck – "small sips."

She drank a small amount, tired and already feeling a wave of slumber overtake her, she spoke hurriedly before she was swept under it.

"What?" – Arizona asked in a wet laugh – "Callie?" she rubbed at the brunette's sternum – it was painful but it kept her awake. She brought her ear next to Callie's mouth.

She heard the hushed dwindling whisper – "I think…I think I killed Mark" Callie fell back again, and though Arizona was scared that Callie had slipped back in, the monitors told her otherwise.

She sat up straight. She could hear the army Cristina had promised approaching; it was almost at the door. She put a hand to Callie's cheek, gently caressing and bending down for a soft kiss. It took them months and months to get here, almost losing one another so many times over in the process but maybe now they could really move forward.

* * *

In the days to come, the brunette would get better, stronger. Arizona would stick to her like glue, the two berating one another, stubborn as mules. Their friends would notice how like a bickering old couple they were, but if they had any sense of self preservation, they'd keep it to themselves. Cristina wouldn't.

Callie would let Arizona in. Her pain would become theirs. So much time would be spent just talking, crying, laughing, understanding. Till one day, dead men would stop haunting the living.

They would still fight, and disagree. There was still big stuff like the question of a child and marriage; Callie would fight Arizona every step of the way. But, they still spend the nights together in sighs, whispers, and giggles. Love, myriad, and anchored in a routine would still be just that – love. They would never run short of it, never go without it.

Together, they'd be anything they wanted. And they were.

* * *

**A/N**: Thanks everyone for reading. Obviously their issues aren't over! So probably a sequel if you guys are interested, not too far away in the future or a pastiche piece on how it all works out. Let me know which you prefer. I'd like to write the pastiche, it would be more fun to do.


	21. Next in this Verse

Hey Guys! Hope all of you enjoyed this fic. A friend told me the ending was a bit rushed, so while I am not doing a sequel, I'm going to momentous one shots from this Universe to tie is all together the best I can.

Here's hoping you all enjoy it!

Also, Write in about this fic a little. I mean two reviews when I'm ending the thing. I feel a little cheated. No, seriously, self endorsement aside (that really isn't the goal) I wanted to know what everyone thought about the way I went with the storm chapter & the dreamscape I made up.

Anyway, hope to update soon.

Pasha.


	22. Author's Note

Hey everyone,

I just got a job and am starting pretty soon. Since it's a teaching position at a college, I won't be updating very often. In fact it may be a long time till my next Fic is out (work is already so busy, and I haven't even given a single lecture!), so I thought it best to inform you all.

Professor, Out!


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